Monday, May 2, 2011


Oh those tricky tricky vikings! Iceland, muhmember that place? It was actually pretty nice and purdy and kinda green. And Guess what? Greenland was kinda cold and icy and lame .-.
And there was this dood Eric the Red. He was red. He had red hair. He had a bad temper. He had red skin. He ate red meat. He had red clothes. Well, he might not have had red skin or red clothes, but I always pictured him with red skin.
Eric grew up in Iceland, and he got married. I’m not even going to try to spell her name. And they had a baby and they named him Leif. Leif Ericsson. WOAH MAN THAT’S SO ORIGINAL.
And so Eric the Red was mean. He got in a fight and he killed two people. MAMA, I JUST KILLED A MAAAAANNNN~
But so because of that Eric was exiled. So he got in a boat and he sailed away. And about 80 years before he was exiled, some other guys got on a boat and found an island called Skerries. As in, Scaries.
But so being a viking, Eric wanted to go asplorin’. He went to Skerries and he liked it. So he got a buncha stuff and 25 ships. Only 14 got there. BAM DAM DAAAAAAAM~
But it wasn’t really all that great. It was cold and icy and all snowy :c And so He decided to rename it Greenland. Oh it sounds so green and lush and purdy :D
And oh, it was alriiight, but... The farmers did find enough stuff to live, like wildlife and land and all that nice stuff. LIKE NARWHALS :DDD

But the middle of the island was a no-go. It was super duper icy and fail :c I’m talking 7,000-10,000 feet of pure, solid ICE. IT GOES OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAND!
Excuse me.
Ok, but so, nobody went there. No traders or nothin’. Because nobody wanted the Titanic to happen early.
And Greenland only has 6 months a year of sun. Now some people say “well herpderp no sun.” but they’d go “OH MAN I MISS THE SUN DDD:” and then after their 6 months of no sun some people here would say “well herpderp sun’s back.” but they’d go “OH YAY SUN WE MISSED JOO :DDD”
And so there were some people from Alaska around the same time wanted to go to Greenland. So they were dog-sledding around Canada and they went to visit their viking buddies. They got along alright. So Mr. Sarah Palin was all “WOO HOO HAY MR. VIKING LOOK AT US AND OUR FANCY KAYAKS.” Yeah, the Eskimos liked Kayaks. Because if you see an iceberg in a kayak you’re just like “*paddle paddle* alright it’s all good!” But if you’re in a viking boat you’re like “I’M GOING TO TIP OVER AND DIE!”
And the Eskimos also lived in hobbit holes. I’m dead serious. They lived. In. Hobbit. Holes. In the side of hills. Win.
But what happened to Eric and his peeps? He died. And after 400 years they all died. A derpderp. Poor Eric + Peeps. You will be missed strong and stupid vikings.
And the Eskimos lived on. YAY.

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