LOL WHAT AM I DOING

Ok So You Guys Remember How That Guy Was All Piratey?

COURSE YOU DO.

Anyway, that colony that disappeared? Well about that time, there was this whole war going on with the English and Spanish. As you’d guess.

AND THE ENGLISH BEAT THE SPANISH INTO THE DUST.

Er, the sand.

INTO THE SAND. OR, UH, THE WAVES. ER. JUST. FORGET THAT ANALOGY. THEY BEAT THEM PRETTY BAD.

But whai.

BECAUSE HENRY VIII WAS A JERK.

Remember Catherine?

phsaw that doesn’t help at all.

Catherine of Argon? His FIRST WIFE? To whom he was married for 20 years and proceeded to kick to the curb for a 15 year old?

That chick?

SHE WAS SPANISH.

And the Spanish never really got over it.

Then Bloody MAry!

Who died.

Then he courted Elizabeth!

And he got dumped.

Then his son did too!

Then war.

And Spain was also kinda derpy with the Netherlands because William the Silent.

So they just kinda sat there and tried not to kill anyone. Which was hard with Elizabeth and all her pirates. She was like, “GO, GO PLUNDER THE SPANISH. HA HAH HA HA~!”

So Philip just played hard to get pretended not to notice. And then Elizabeth was like “I THINK I MIGHT MARRY THIS FRENCH DUKE.” And then Philip turned on his swagger continued ignoring Elizabeth. Which she didn’t do. So instead she helped the Dutch. Against Spain.

Then Elizabeth executed Mary Queen of Scots, because she was Catholic. Which was kinda an “I HATE YOU SO MUCH.” wink towards Spain.

And then...

England learned about this littletinyGIANT ARMADA.

Anyway. Spain actually loved Philip, even though everyone else HATED HIM SO MUCH. He became king at 16, which was pretty young. He was married a lot, but most were political so it wasn’t all I’M GONNA BE HENRY.

He wrote letters to his wife and his daughters and he was actually a pretty nice guy.

except to his son who he locked in a tower :D

Anyway. He was nice and calm and he was pretty awesome. Except to everyone else but that doesn’t matter.

But Uhh.

He Kinda Lost.

So he kinda had the largest armada ever assembled ever. It was called the Invincible Armada. Which means they’re so gonna win.

And England had a pretty small navy. Herpderp. But everyone was all excited about war so basically they were better, I guess.

And all these pirates of England were like YEUH. But so were the Spanish.

But they had two way different strategies.

Spain thought it’s be a good idea to board all these ships and fight man to man. However, England liked to shoot things out of canons and sink ships.

((I am aware I spelled cannon “incorrectly.” It was totally intentional and you get all of my love if you know what im doing here iiiilll stop talking now please ignore this))

Anyway,

So basically one of the Admirals set fire to 8 of he ships and sailed them off into the Spanish Armada seawaterarea.

And they all yelled and screamed and fled over to France!

They kinda surrendered. However, they had to go AROUND ENGLAND because the wind was being stupid. So they just kinda went around England. And the ships were so big 17 of their ships derped.

That is beautiful.

Philip just kinda locked himself in an itty bitty room and didn’t really talk to anyone.

ELIZABETH WAS PARTYING.

And she just sent some more war fleets to Spain. Even though they already won. All of the win.

Basically, Spain got really weak 5ever.

The Dutch got helped and out from under Spain.

England got a lot stronger, and so did the Protestant Reformation.

And it also kinda let England go colonize up in North America. Because Spain couldn’t actually do anything.

THEN SUDDENLY THE GOLDEN AGE. Well, for England, at least. Spain was whining over there.

ANYWAY. SO THAT KINDA ENDED ABRUPTLY. BUT OH WELL~

BLUHBLUHBLUH

POTATOES. TOBACCO.

This guy is responsible for a whole cultural stereotype! WELL DONE SIR. WELL DONE.

Sir Walter Raleigh singlehandedly introduced potatoes and tobacco to Ireland. And he was pretty much a stereotype himself, but whatever.

LET’S TALK ABOUT HIM.

He wasn’t actually Irish. He was English. And he went to France. And he fought with Huguenots. Otherwise known as the Protestants. And he just got out of France before that big giant massacre. Which is good. He started hating the Roman Catholics and kinda started breaking away from religions. Which didn’t mean he wasn’t a Christian, he was just sick of the BLUHBLUHBLUH.

So he kinda stood over here in the corner.

He went home and went to college and law and Aristotle but he never actually graduated. He decided he’d be a pirate instead!

And if I had the chance to drop out of school and be a pirate in 16th century England, three guesses as to my choice.

Actually you’d only need one guess because there are only two answers but oh well.

Walter and his half brother starting pirating. And being pirates. And stuff. He was pretty much Elizabeth’s favourite, uhh, pirate. He was all nice and ruthless and he put down a revolt and he was rewarded and he had ALL THE MONEY.

Er, well, he was actually rewarded with land.

BUT STILL.

He had 12,000 ACRES of land. In Ireland. Which is a lot. He was also Elizabeth’s boyfran, and he was handsome and yadayadayada.

Even though he was 20 years younger than she was.

AND THEN SHE GAVE HIM 42,000 MORE ACRES IN IRELAND. I’M PRETTY SURE HE LIKE HAD THE WHOLE COUNTRY NOW BUT WHATEVER.

He got knighted. So now he was a knight pirate. He was also the queens boyfran and a lot of people were jealous.

And for yeeears he was just kinda hanging out doing whatever he wanted. And then he started a colony in America and named it this little thing you’ve probably never heard of VIRGINIA.

So something really weird happened. He wanted to go on a second trip and Elizabeth was like “thats cool bro” BUT. She made him stay. He did stay, and the voyage left, HOWEVER.

Basically they all went and colonized and they hung out for a little bit. And then the Governor went back to England for food and moneyz. But Spain was like NEWWW and GOVNAH couldn’t leave for like three years.

And then when he went back THE COLONY WAS DESERTED. Which was really creepy. But it was probably Indians.

Anyway!

BACK IN ENGLAND.

Walter had a ship. He fought the Spanish Armada. And he was awesome and Elizabeth loved her and he had Ireland and he had this Poet.

THEN SOMETHING BAD HAPPENED.

HE FELL.

IN.

LOVE.

waitwat.

Basically there was this girl Her name was Elizabeth... Throckmorton?

AND HE CALLED HER BESS.

Basically she worked for Elizabeth. And HE didn’t want Elizabeth to find out he loved Elizabeth so he married Elizabeth in secret, and if Elizabeth ever found out he married Elizabeth then there would be trouble.

...

This isn’t gonna work.

ELIZABETH WORKED FOR QUEENSY. Walter didn’t want Queeny to find out he loved Elizabeth, so he married her in secret, and if Queeny ever found this out there would be trouble.

AND THEN SHE FOUND IT OUT.

AND THERE WAS TROUBLE.

So she threw them in the tower of London to have a wonderful honeymoon. And then Walter wrote a flattering letter to Queeny and Walter got released.

And then a little bit later Bess got out. But she didn’t have a job anymore so herpderp.

Anyway! Walter kept adventuring and he suddenly GOLD WANT. And you can guess how that went.

NOW THEN.

Later he brought the potatoes to Ireland. He sold some land and he went back to ADVENTURING~!

BUT.

Walter adventure came to a screeching, burning halt. Because Elizabeth died. And her cousin came to power. Walter was charged for, uhh, treason, and so he was locked up in the tower. And he sent Bess a love letter and it was sweet and happy. Because writing one to the king wouldn’t work the way it did on Elizabeth.

BUT!

Walter didn’t actually die! King James kept him alive for another 13 years. Which wasn’t as lousy as it could have been. He had books and stuff and his wife and kid could live with him and he had servants and he wrote and stuff was actually pretty nice.

Howeverrr, time in prison was still time in prison.

Still, he was kinda secretly plotting an escape. He told James that he could go to South America and find him some gold, and that’s what he did. He wasn’t allowed to attack the Spanish or their territories. Which wasn’t that bad.

However, this whole thing was jinxed because we all know that a) THERE WAS NO GOLD. and b) everyone hated the Spanish. Basically his crew just monkeyed around in the Spanish territories.

Basically he got killed. Er, executed. Same difference.

Anyway. He was a pirate knight awesome lover Elizabeth boyfran prisoner crusader awesome.

The end~

UHM PLEASE EXCUSE ME BEING REALLY IGNORANT ABOUT THIS BECAUSE I HAVEN'T ACTUALLY SEEN THE SILENCE EPISODE PLEASE DONT HURT ME HALKJWHEKJH.

So this guy has a sorta weird nickname. It was “The Silent”

silence will fall when the question is asked.

Yay Silents. silence will fall.

BUT SO.

Silents are actually Dutch, and the Doctor is actually a Spaniard. And they both fought over the Netherlands. Yay!

WE KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT THE NETHERLANDS.

So. William was pretty much the Father of the Netherlands. BUT LET’S STEP INTO THE TARDIS AND CONTINUE WITH THIS DOCTOR WHO THEME. silence will fall when the question is asked.

Charles V. Holy Roman Empire. And he was like “MARTIN LUTHER IS A HERETIC” at Wyrms. Turns out that the family he was from kinda inherited the Netherlands. Charles was fond of the city of Brussels. Which is in Belgium. Which was a part of the Netherlands. And Brussels was one of his favourite place to live. And even though they didn’t really like him, they kinda considered him to be Dutch.

Anyway, the Netherlands started being Protestant. And then the Inquisition! And people were burned and tortured and all that nice stuff. 5,000 protestants were put to death. THEN THINGS GOT WORSE. silence will fall.

Charles kinda retired and gave the throne to his son. Who was not named Charles. His son’s name was Philip II. But he didn’t like the Netherlands. He just kinda thought it was a place to herpderp. So he decided to declare war on the Netherlands!

ANYWAY.

William the Silent! silence will fall when the question is asked.

He was actually German. And he was the Prince of Orange. He was raised Protestant but trained Catholic. Which made things kinda awkward. And when he was old enough, he got put in charge of some Catholic troops in France. Which was good. His buddy was Charles V and everyone was happy.

THEN PHILIP.

Who wasn’t technically the Emperor, but he was still nice to Philip.

For a little. He made him governor of the Netherlands. Buuut then it was a steady decline and William didn’t really like how all of his people were getting killed. And he pretty much got told that Philip was teaming up with France to KILL ALL THE PROTESTANTS. silence will fall.

So William kinda had an official side-switch. He was now pro-Protestant.

AND OGURLLLLLLLL.

Then a revolt! silence will fall when the question is asked.

The leadership of said revolt was kinda thrown on to William, and he was kinda confused. But he fought anyway.

Also I guess we just kinda dropped that whole Doctor Who thing we had going. silence will fall when the question is asked.

ANYWAY.

So he was revolting against Spain. But he wasn’t a very good leader. And he had to ask France for help. And he didn’t go to church a lot because he was busy leading a revolt. And the Catholics didn’t really like him either. Oh, and his brother got dead too. silence will fall.

BASICALLY EVERYONE HATED HIM.

So this Dude Duke. He was sent from Spain to the Netherlands to set up the “Council of Troubles.”

Which was... Troubling.

:D

silence will fall when the question is asked.

...

Anyway!

So a lot of people were killed because they weren’t for the Spanish or the Catholics. And more just kinda got everything taken away from them. And it was also called the Council of Blood, but both names are good. Er, bad. They’re bad names. But they are accurate ones.

AND OGURLLLLLLLL.

THE CITY OF ANTWERP.

...

IT GOT PILLAGED. By the Spanish. They kinda went insane and moved south and they started killing all of these Dutch and oh man it was bad. It was really bad. silence will fall.

So pretty much the North and South part of the Netherlands had been divided. They were really different and they didn’t really help each other out.

UNTIL THEN. They signed this treaty thing and they fought together. Well, for a while. Because Spain won back the Southern Part.

herpderpderp.

But so a bunch of Northern Parts broke up and one was the Republic of the United Netherlands. And the other part was Belgium.

Anyway.

The Dutch signed their own Declaration of Independence and it basically said “WE’RE NOT HERE FOR SPAIN.”

And Philip didn’t like that.

So he was like “NO MOAR WILLIAM.” And then he put up an old west wanted poster. Hooowever, multiple attempts were made. Most failed. Until this insane Fenchman came, SNUCK INTO HIS HOUSE WHILE HE WAS EATING DINNER WITH HIS FAMILY, AND THEN SHOT HIM. WITH TWO PISTOLS. silence will fall.

herpderpderp.

This only made the Dutch more mad because that meant they had their very own martyr. Yay!

So the Dutch eventually totally won against the Spanish. They became a free country and they got a statue and they also got the colour orange.

YAY NETHERLANDS. DUTCH. BLEHBLUHBLEH.

/weirdending

P.S: In no way am I saying that the Doctor is a bad guy. And in no way am I in support of the Silents, or the Silence, or any of their associates. silence will fall when the question is asked.

A REALLY IMPRESSIVE FEAT THAT HAPPENED EVERY OTHER YEAR.

So the Spanish pretty much hated this guy. But the English were like “YESS.”

And his name was Sir Francis Drake. AND HE SAILED AROUND THE WORLD, JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.

But he liked to steal stuff from Spanish ships. So he was a pirate. Who traveled around the world. And this was kinda a secret plot from Elizabeth and she made him do it.

herpderpderp.

SO JUST WHO WAS THIS GUY?

He’s Sir Francis Drake! He was born in wosrtistshireshireistchshire with 12 other kids. He got his first gig at 13 and they sailed around for a good 7 years until the captain died, so he was kinda given captainship and he took them back. Then he got another job and they sailed around the Caribbean and the Indies and cuiseship. And he wasn’t really interested in exploring on this little expedition, he was just like “MONEYZ!11!” so he took ALL THE MONEY.

But it turned out that the silver he took from them wasn’t really the Spanish’s either. Because they were kinda jacking it from the Indians’ silver mines. derpderpderp.

And Elizabeth wanted that silver mine. She really wanted it. So she was like “FRANCIS GO GET ME SOME SILVER.” so he was like “OK” This was an unofficial commission, because if they got in trouble Elizabeth was not going to help them. Because that’d look really bad. Anyway, he basically went through this town and basically got all the stuff and he had to leave behind some silver and gold because that had too much. And then he went back to England and got rewarded for being a horrible thieving pirate.

Then she signed a treaty with Spain so she couldn’t acknowledge Francis’s awesomeness.

Five years later he just kinda circumnavigated the world like it was nobody’s buzznuzz. BUT WHY?

So the crew kinda thought they were going to Africa to trade. That was a lie. They were going to Brazil...?

So was he just gonna circle the world fo realz or was it an accident or what? Well nobody really knew. He was just sorta there to steal more silver. More or less.

Nobody knew what was going on. Well, except for Francis. Sorta. Maybe. I guess?

ANYWAY. THERE WERE TWO OTHER CAPTIANS. WE ARE GOING TO MAKE AN EDUMACATED GUESS THAT THERE WERE THREE SHIPS BECAUSE THERE WERE THREE CAPTAINS.

Anyway. Francis’s ship got broke in a storm and they had to get rid of the flagpole mast thing. So everyone just kinda went home. And on take two, the fleet left with 6 ships and 164 people. So I lied. There were 6 ships, not three. They followed Magellan's route and after 8 months three out of 6 ships were gone, and so they kinda jacked Mag’s old strait.

AND THEN SOMETHING TOTALLY UNEXPECTED HAPPENED.

A storm came by and ate a ship. Two were left. The other got scared and left. The other just kinda got blew over on to an island. And then it sailed up the west coast of South America and just kinda RAIDED ALL THE SETTLEMENTS. And he also RAIDED ALL THE SHIPS. And he GOT ALL THE MAPS. ALL THE THINGS.

And then he just kinda sailed into a comfy little harbour. It was probably in Canada, or it was just really really cold and icey, because it was in the middle of.. uhh.... July?

Ok.

Anyway.

This affected a lot of people because England and Spain were all fighting for the general America continent. Basically it got all tense and some srs buzznuzz started goin down. The harbour was claimed for England with a little brass plate made by Francis. And in 1930, it was found!

lol no not really it was a fake.

SO ANYWAY, THEY LEFT.

In a few months they made it back to England. It had been 3 years and he asked if Elizabeth was alive. And she was. Which is good. Becuase that means he would GET ALL THE MONEY.

He got knighted on his ship and then he died a few years later. Like most people do. Well not the knighting part, but the dying part. Because he never found that fountain of youth. ANYWAY.

They kinda just put him in a lead casket and sunk him in the ocean. Some people argue that he should be brought up.

Which would be kind of disgusting. I mean, he’s been dead underwater in a lead casket for 500 years. I don’t think he’d look or smell that nice. I guess there’s no harm in it, but still.

MY OPINION IS UNIMPORTANT. WAIT FOR THE NEXT POST.

TODAY WE'RE HAVING A TWO FOR ONE SPECIAL ON ASTRONOMERS.

This dude. His name was Tycho. And he was a danish.

This means he lived in the bakery section in Kroger, and-

lolno

but serious he was Danish but not like that. And he didn’t live in Kroger. I don’t even think they had Krogers. But if he lived anywhere it wouldn’t be in Kroger because Kroger’s founder is German.

BUT ACTUALLY HE WENT TO UNIVERSITY IN KROGER. Er, in Germany. He went to university in Germany. And he had a swordfight and he basically got his nose chopped off. So he kinda made himself a fake nose out of silver, gold, and face powder.

herpderpderp

ANYWAY.

He did some pretty important star stuffs because he watched a supernova. Which would be awesome. Because a supernova looks kinda like this.

which is awesome. It’s basically a star bigger than the sun EXPLODING. It’s an unstable mass of gas and dust and other junk.

AND IT’S AWESOME.

Basically, it lasts for days or weeks and the light travels for years. Which means it lasts a while.

So anyways, he was like “KING OF DENMARK I CAN HAZ OBSURVUTORI” and the King of Denmark was like “YOU CAN HAZ OBSURVUTORI” and then he put one on a little island named Hven. But it’s pronounced Ven. The H is silent. I’m not sure why. Those silly Danish.

ANYWAY.

So there was al ittle paper mill and a print shop and an OBSERVATORY. And it had some tourists, but Tycho spent a lot of time in his obvservatory.

He was an awesome astronomer, basically. But he still held on to that belief that the Ear was the center of the universe.

derpderpderp.

Anyway, so eventually Ty got booted off that island. Because the old king died and the new king was like “herpderp astronomy no get out.”

So for a while, he just kinda traveled around and wrote his autobiography. Eventually, he settled down in Prague and he was the Holy Roman Math Guy. And then he met this dude named Johannes Kepler.

NOW WAIT A SECOND. WHO IS THIS GUY?

His name was Johannes Kepler and he was German and he was kinda poor but still he went to University and yada yada yada.

His professors taught ancient ideas about astronomy, but they had ~secret seminars~ to talk about Copernicus. Because he was, like, totally so heretical~

Anyway.

Kepler liked these seminars, and he was really smart but he had some questions. So he dropped Ty a line with some of these and Ty was like “DOOD WE SHUD BE FRANDS.” And Kepler was like “sure~!”

Annnd Ty and Kepler were kinda sorta friends, but they were more ~professional~ colleagues. They didn’t really trust each other enough to show each other all of their research, because I guess they were kinda scared they’d get stolen or something.

ANYWAY.

Kepler was better at the mathz than Ty was, and he put some numbers together and he got some weird stuff.

BUT THEN TY DIED.

Basically he had a lot of mercury in his body and he was probs poisoned, but it might or might not have been on purpose. Because sometimes he made “medicine” out of it because he didn’t know it was poisonous. Herpderpderp.

And then Kepler was made the big giant Math guy, because you know. Ty was dead. And zombies aren’t good math guys. But Kepler was pretty cool, because he had laws. And all cool people have laws.

THE FIRST ONE.

Planets don’t move in circles. They just move kinda in oval shapes. Yay!

THE SECOND ONE.

Planets start going FASTER when they go around the sun. Like, the closer to the sun it gets, the faster it goes. Kinda. Which is hard to explain. Just google it if you’re really interested.

Annnd then this:

The squares of the periods of the planets are proportional to the cubes of their semi-major axis.

ha ha ha wat

BASICALLY if you’re a genius astronomathperson than you’ll get it. Maybe. THE DEAL IS I don’t get it and the universe is weird.

Anyway.

Kepler did some shtuff OTHER than math and astronomy shtuff. He also worked with eyes and he learned to understand it. He learned how to make a telescope and he watched Jupiter and shtuff.

He kinda got fired by the new Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire though. Oh well. He still worked and worked and he fixed the callender, and he made some more awesome math shtuff.

Buuut his personal life was sad. His son died and that really really hurt because he was reminded of himself. Then a year later his wife died. And then he got married again and he had SIX MORE KIDS but three of them died and run on sentence. He also developed calculus, so you can yell at him you calculus people. And then he got excommunicated and the Lutherans didn’t really like him.

Anyway. He kinda died quietly without any acknowedgement. Yeah.

BUT TYCHO HAS A FANCLUB ON THE INTERWEBS.... SOMEWHERE. I’ll put a link when I can find it. And when I’m not lazy.

And also when this has a better ending.

YAY MASSACRE.

So this is gonna be a wonderful post, BECAUSE IT’S ABOUT A MASSACRE. Hooray, senseless killing!

Ha ha yeah no. BUT HANG ON.

France. Catherine de Medici was like “LET’S HAVE A WEDDING” but then Jeanne died and everyone got sad but that’s ok kinda, because then there was a wedding which made everyone happy again.

BUT.

The groom was protestant, and the bride was Catholic. Which means there’s gonna be a big giant mess. And the Groom, Jeanne’s son, was like “yeah mom i’ll help you with alla that Protestant stuff yeah.” And he meant it. But, well, it was kinda hard to do that.

AND WHY?

BECAUSE PEOPLE ENJOYED BLOODY WARS.

18 attacks on Protestants, 5 on Catholics, and at least 30 assassinations. IN JUST TEN YEARS. And Charles IX was all up in the buzznuzz too and was like “IT’S DANGEROUS TO GO ALONE TAKE THESE” and he gave them four towns. Even though he was Catholic?

Anyways.

So Catherine wasn’t really as much of a problem as anyone thoughts, because she was a lot more humanistic than she was Catholic. Now she didn’t really help the Protestant’s either, but she was just kinda herpderp. But she was really really powerhungry. And she assassinated a little LOT OF PEOPLE.

BAI THUH WAI. THIS IS A REALLY GOOD EXAMPLE OF MACHIAVELLIAN TENDENCIES YEW GUIZ.

and sadistic tendencies but that doesnt really matter because it’s a little obvious.

SO THE ROYAL WEDDING.

It was really awkward. Everyone was all smiley but on the inside everyone was FREAKING THE MONKEY OUT because they knew the marriage would probably start of ANOTHER MONKEYING WAR.

Anyway.

So this priest was kinda scared because he thought that Henry would be the French King soon and he would start protestants and oh man no. So he went up to Catherine and was like “YOU KNOW HE’S GONNA JACK YOUR THRONE.” and she was like “o noez.” So she was like “LET’S PLOT US SOME MURDERS” and then they did and had a nice time.

The victim was a protestant Admiral named Coligney and he was really big and she knew that’d help Henry be the not French King.

And then it failed.

SO MUCH FAIL.

And everyone knew that Catherine tried to do it, and she started panicking so she just kinda executed Coligney AND ALL THE PROTESTANT LEADERS IN PARIS.

That just kinda happened to line up with Saint Bartholomew’s Day and everyone was like “herpderp” and it was called a Massacre. Because it kinda was. They just shot everyone.

Which is really sad and sorta derpy because earlier Charles was like “If you were gonna try to kill Coligney y u no just kill everyone” but it was kinda joking.

But then Catholic was like “SORRY I ACCIDENTALLY ALL THE LEADERS.”

And Charles got to watch the whole thing yayy.

Eventually, an angry riotmobthing started going after EVERYONE and killing them and basically it was really really bad. And then it spread from Paris out and it went on for days and weeks and blah.

And what had started as a screwed up murder everyone just started getting murdered. And now Catherine was like OH MAN OH GOSH WHAT AM I GONNA DOOOO~ and she lied and she was like “NO I DUDN’T WANNA KILL HIM CAUSE PROTESTANT I WANTED TO CAUSE UHH LIES.”

Which was an obvious lie and nobody believed her.

And she basically singlehandedly ruined France by not murdering someone well enough. The Civil War went on for another Civil War. And then Charles died and Henry became king and then Catherine died and death and sadness and herpderpfails. And then Henry got assassinated AND THEN IT WAS FINALLY THAT OTHER HENRY’S TURN.

The groom from the wedding? Yeah.

HENRY IV. Even though there have been like a hundredthousandbillionzilliongajilion other Henrys. Anyway! There was a big giant mess for Henry to clean up, anddd he decided to say “SORRY MUMSIE~” and he was Catholic. He made the Edicts of Nantes which was basically “PROTESTANTS ARE COOL YEW GUIZ.” but that didn’t really keep them safe.

Awh.

BUT SOW.

These guiz were basically your greatgreatgreatgreat or however old grandfather. Because the Pilgrims were the descendants of the French Protestants.

OBAITHUHWAY I forgot to say the official name for the French Protestants is “Huguenot.” But I just realized I never put that in here and herpderpmonkeyfails.