Thursday, March 21, 2013

I POSTED ON TIME WITHOUT ANYBODY TELLING ME TO I'M RESPONSIBLE

SO THERE ARE THESE GUYS NAMED THE SOCIETY OF FRIENDS

BECAUSE FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC im dumb ill stop uh

the society of friends are i think more commonly known as the Quakers

and they followed this guy named George Fox

His name is Fox now

SO HE GREW UP IN ENGLAND ABOUT THE TIME OLIVE WAS CHILLIN OUT

so fox didn’t like hypocrites

you know

hypocrites like some of the puritans

BECAUSE A LOT OF THE PURITANS WERE CHRISTIANS ON THE OUTSIDE BUT NOT THE INSIDE WHICH IS LIKE THE ENTIRE POINT

nice job puritans yay

HE CALLED THESE GUYS “PROFESSORS” BECAUSE HE SAID THAT THEY WOULD DO ONE THING AND THEN THEY GET ALL “LOLNOPE”

so he started going around england trying to find some cool Christians

and people were like “calm down bro just get married or smoke or something”

and he was like “NO”

so he kinda totally turned over to God

ok

And he started believing that God was talking to him???

ok

SO HE KINDA HAD A CRAZY CONVERSION EXPIRENCE THING

ok

AND EVEN THOUGH HE WASN’T EXACTLY TRAINED TO BE A PASTOR HE DIDN’T REALLY CARE

ok

well thats pretty cool i guess

HE LIKED TO KEEP THINGS PRETTY SIMPLE

which i guess is pretty cool too

HE GOT HIMSELF A MEETING HOUSE THING AND THERE WEREN’T REALLY FORMAL SERVICES.

OR PRIESTS.

OR ANYTHING

ok

THESE GUYS WERE THE QUAKERS

ok

A LOT OF PEOPLE LIKED HIM BECAUSE THE ENGLISH CIVIL WAR WAS LIKE “BRAAAAAW” RIGHT NOW

thats a good reason to like someone

AND IN 1660 ABOUT 50,000 WERE QUAKERS. ER, FRIENDS. WHATEVER.

fox was pretty humble still

ok that’s actually pretty cool because obvious reasons

NOW NOT EVERYONE REALLY LIKED GEORGE

BECAUSE GEORGE DIDN’T LIKE THEM I GUESS?

whenever he ran into these people he was beaten and pushed down stairs

i warned you about the stairs bro i told you dog

ok i’m sorry nobody gets my jokes anyway sigh

A LOT OF PEOPLE WERE REALLY OFFENDED

BECAUSE HE DIDN’T LIKE TO TIP HIS HAT AT PEOPLE.

BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW????

BUT THEY WERE REALLY REALLY OFFENDED THEY WERE LIKE “DUDE LOVE ME” “NO IT’S AGAINST MY RELIGION” “LOOVE MEEE” “GO AWAY” “WITHOUT LOVE I WILL DIE” “GET OUT”

ok

SO EVENTUALLY GUY ENDED UP IN PRISON????

BECAUSE HE DIDN’T TIP HIS HAT TO PEOPLE?????

SEEMS LEGIT

THE QUAKERS WERE ALSO PERSECUTED

nice job everyone

BUT EVERYONE WAS KINDA SCARED THAT THE QUAKERS WERE GOING TO TRY TO OVERTHROW OLIVE

but they really weren’t going to because he was like politics what are politics thats dumb

OLIVE STARTED PERSECUTING THE QUAKERS BECAUSE HE WAS A GENIUS

HE FOUGHT FOR RELIGIOUS FREEDOM. YOU KNOW. FOR THE PEOPLE WHO THOUGHT JUST LIKE HIM.

and fox was like “uh excuse me what is this”

ok

SO FOX DECIDED HE’D GO OVER TO MERICUH

and he did

IN 1677

AND ONE OF HIS BUDDIES WAS NAMED WILLIAM PENN

HAVE YOU HEARD OF HIM

YOU HAVE NOW. WE’LL TALK ABOUT HIM LATER.

so eventually fox went back to england

AND HE GOT THROWN INTO PRISON

AGAIN

AND SO DID HIS WIFE

oh he got married ok

SO HE WROTE SOME STUFF AND THEN HE WAS LET OUT YAY

so eventually the quakers were accepted with the Act of Toleration, which released most of them from prison and let them worship kinda sorta?????

OK

THEY OPENED SOME SCHOOLS AND HOSPITALS

THAT’S NICE

AND IN 1691 THERE WERE ABOUT 100,000 QUAKERS

OK

THEN

THEN I GUESS HE DIED

AND THE QUAKERS LIVED ON

WELP.

AWKWARD ENDS. SHORT POSTS. THAT’S NICE.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

APPLAUSE AND CLIFFHANGERS YAY

I GOTTA FEELIN’ THAT THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG ONE

because were talking about the english civil war

AND IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT A CIVIL WAR IS, THEN GO GOOGLE IT GENIUS.

ok now this was pretty complicated

EVEN BETTER

so two guys!

KING CHARLES I AND OLIVER CROMWELL.

charles thought dictators were cool but it was hard for him to be one and oliver thought they weren’t but it was easy for him

THAT DIDN’T MAKE MUCH SENSE????

ok so a while back we were talking about elizabeth

SHE GOT KNOCKED OFF THE THRONE, AND THEN JAMES I WAS KING.

then he died as people tend to do

HIS SON CAME INTO POWER

his name was charles

AND HE WAS A LOT LIKE HIS DADDY

because he believed in the divine appointment of kings

MEANING HE THOUGHT HE WAS GOD’S GIFT TO HIS COUNTRY BASICALLY

now this is not a bad thing in and of itself but he was also one of those people who

THOUGHT EVERYTHING HE SAID WAS TRUE

ok thats wrong and england didn’t like it

ENGLAND WAS NOW CALLED AN ABSOLUTE MONARCHY.

so the people didnt really have much say in anything at all

NOW THEY COULD NO LONGER ELECT MEMBERS OF PARLIAMENT.

now for those of you who dont know what parliament is go sit over with the “civil war wat” people and just google it

THE KINGS WERE SUPPOSED TO WORK WITH THE PARLIAMENT FOR IMPORTANT STUFF

however guess how many times charlie here called parliament up all like “wat do hlap”

HE DID NOT ASK PARLIAMENT FOR THEIR SAY ON ANYTHING FOR 11 YEARS

this was not a good thing because lots and lots of money was spent on wars

WHAT HAPPENS WHENEVER YOU SPEND LOTSA MONEY ON WAR? TAXES!

thnx king charlie

HE DID CALL PARLIAMENT INTO SESSION ONCE. GUESS WHAT HE SAID. “AHSKDFJHAWKJEHNFKAJSDJ HALP WERE OUT OF MONEY GUYS THIS IS YOUR FAULT”

he had divided the members of parliament into two groups.

THESE TWO GROUPS HE HAD DIVIDED WOULD BE THE PEOPLE THAT LIKED HIM AND THE PEOPLE THAT DIDN’T. THOSE WHO BELONGED TO THE FIRST GROUP WERE CALLED “THE ROYALISTS” OR “THE CAVALIERS”.

they were called the cavaliers because they were. they. were cavaliers. and they liked the king yay question mark no thats a bad thing

AND AGAINST THE KING WERE THE “PARLIAMENTARIANS”. MOST OF THESE WERE PURITANS. THEY WERE NICKNAMED “ROUNDHEADS”

i dont even????? ok apparently they didn’t like the cool hair like the cavaliers and they looked like that one kid from that old nick show



look visual representation

IN 1642 THE PARLIAMENT WAS KIND OF TAKEN OVER BY THE ROUNDHEADS FOR THE NEXT 20 YEARS

this was nicknamed the long parliament

CHARLES HAD NO CONTROL OVER THIS.

and now the war started

THE FIRST WAR WAS HELD IN THE SAME YEAR. IT WAS RATHER SMALL AND NORMAL PEOPLE STAYED OUT OF IT, MORE OR LESS.

however after a while they started getting involved.

THE ROUNDHEADS HAD FARMHANDS AND OTHER WORKING PEOPLE. THE CAVALIERS WERE NOW NOBLES, CATHOLICS... AND THE IRISH???

war raged on for a while

FOUR YEARS, TO BE EXACT. ABOUT TEN PERCENT OF THE POPULATION DIED.

and ok even though this is a civil war the scottish came

NOW THE ROUNDHEADS WERE BEING HELPED BY THE SCOTTISH

in the battle of nayseby some serious stuff went down

IN 1645, CHARLIE RAN AWAY TO... TO. TO SCOTLAND.

uh i dont get it why did he go there???

THIS ENDED THE FIRST CIVIL WAR.

while in scotland, charlie tried to kinda calm the scottish down? that didn’t really work. Nobody trusted him (duh) because he wasn’t really into the whole religious freedom.

THE SCOTTISH TURNED AGAINST CHARLIE

he eventually gathered up a little army.

THEN HE STARTED THE 2ND CIVIL WAR. IT LASTED LESS THAN A YEAR AND ENDED THE SAME WAY AS THE FIRST

lets have some applause for charlie here

CHARLIES WAS CAPTURED THIS TIME, THOUGH, BY THE SCOTTISH. WHO GAVE HIM TO THE ENGLISH. WHO ARRESTED HIM.

ok so these people from parliament showed up

THE PARLIAMENT DECIDED WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO CHARLIE. THEY THOUGHT KILLING HIM WAS A GOOD PLAN.

he was sentenced to death for treason hey at least it wasn’t heresy.

HE WAS PUBLICLY EXECUTED IN 1649.

now this should have ended the war right ok bad guy leader died now lets all sit back and drink tea in the rain and then 30 minutes later it'll snow and then 5 minutes after that it'll get sunny

HOWEVER, THERE WERE STILL TWO SIDES. THE IRISH DECIDED THEY WOULD JOIN THE CAVALIERS, AND THE SCOTTISH THE ROUNDHEADS.

so now that we got this under our belt, what about that other guy?

OLIVER. HE WAS BORN INTO A PURITAN FAMILY AND WAS PRETTY NORMAL.

he was a pretty chill guy who didn’t like politics much

THEN HIS BUDDIES SENT HIM OFF TO PARLIAMENT.

he had no training.

AND HE WAS A ROUNDHEAD, EVEN THOUGH HE WAS A PURITAN. AND HE WAS ALSO A GENERAL. AND A SOLDIER. AND A STATESMAN.

even though he was poorly educated he was still really really good at those things

AND HE ALSO MADE SURE HIS SOLDIERS PRAYED AND WORSHIPED GOD.

because he believed that would make them good soldiers

THEY WERE NEVER BEATEN, EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE USUALLY OUTNUMBERED.

and even though he was really awesome and stuff bad things happened

A MASSACRE HAPPENED.

yeah

CROMWELL DECIDED TO KILL A BUNCH OF IRISH. INCLUDING CIVILIANS. AND MOSTLY CATHOLIC PRIESTS. AND BY NOW ABOUT 2/3 OF IRELAND WAS IN ENGLAND’S HANDS. 600,000 PEOPLE DIED FROM EITHER DISEASE, STARVATION, OR JUST STRAIGHT UP MURDER/WAR.

gee cromwell sounds great

HE CALLED THIS GOD’S JUDGEMENT

oh even better

EVENTUALLY, HE HELPED PARLIAMENT ESTABLISH A COMMONWEALTH.

go join your civil war and parliament buddies at google. it’s fine. no rush. i’ll wait here.

THIS WAS GOOD FOR A TEMPORARY SOLUTION. BUT THEN OLIVE KINDA OVERTHREW THE COMMONWEALTH AND TRIED OUT A NEW PLAN.

he made this new form of government

THIS WAS CALLED A PROTECTORATE. WHICH WAS BASED ON A WRITTEN CONSTITUTION. GUESS WHO THE OVERSEER WAS?

olive

NICE GOIN’ OLIVE.

now the puritans were happy because they were ruled over by a puritan

HE MADE SOME MORAL LAWS THE LINED UP WITH HIS PERSONAL BELIEFS AND THESE WERE CALLED “BLUE LAWS”

because they were printed on blue paper

NOW HE WAS PRETTY OK MOST OF THE TIME, BUT HE STARTED KINDA ACTING YOU KNOW LIKE AN ABSOLUTE MONARCH???

wow hey standing ovation

HE STARTED KIND OF LIVING LIKE A KING.

some called him a dictator (hint he kinda was.)

HE KEPT HIS POSITION FOR 15 YEARS.

it was pretty hard on him because it was hard to keep everyone happy.

HE WAS NEARLY ASSASSINATED ACTUALLY AND LOTS OF PEOPLE REALLY REALLY HATED HIM.

then there was another change of government!

THEY GOT A KING BACK

BUT NOT BEFORE ANOTHER CIVIL WAR.

I SCREWED IT UP SIGH I HAD ALL THE IMPORTANT STUFF IN CAPS AND THE LESS IMPORTANT IN NOT AND THEN I HAD TO SCREW EVERYTHING UP SIGH OK OH WELL ALRIGHT IT’S THE END ANYWAY

CLIFFHANGER I GUESS

Monday, March 4, 2013

AWESOME SCIENCE GUY.

OK SO THE CIVIL WAR WAS REALLY COMPLICATED THE ENGLISH CIVIL WAR BY THE WAY

but a few people still did stuff

ONE OF THE PEOPLE THAT DID STUFF WAS NAMED ROBERT BOYLE. HIS NEW NAME IS ROB.

and rob was a scientist. a chemist, actually.

HE WAS THE FIRST MODERN CHEMIST.

and he was from ireland from a really really big family

HIS FAMILY WAS ACTUALLY SUPPORTIVE OF HIS ACADEMIC ENDEAVOURS WOW THIS IS GREAT AND KINDA REFRESHING

he also was into fencing and dancing and stuff

AND HE MOVED TO SWITZERLAND.

he was also a christian

IN GENEVA HE THOUGHT THE WORLD WAS GOING TO END BECAUSE A CHRISTIAN

seems about right

HE WAS LEFT A LARGE ESTATE BY HIS FATHER. HE COULD PRETTY MUCH DO WHATEVER HE WANTED BECAUSE HE HAD MONEY NOW.

he decided he’d join some cool secret society people

THESE COOL PEOPLE WERE CALLED THE INVISIBLE COLLEGE

this grew to become the royal society of london

THE ROYAL SOCIETY OF LONDON SOUNDS REALLY PRESTIGIOUS BECAUSE IT WAS.

now robbie had some nice connections because obvious reasons

HIS CONNECTIONS ALLOWED HIM TO BUILD A LABORATORY IN LONDON. WHICH IS WHERE HE MOVED.

he was pretty cool and figured stuff out

HE ALSO FIGURED OUT ELEMENTS WHICH WAS REALLY IMPORTANT

and a lot of other stuff that you can read about on google and wikipedia because you should know how to use the internet genius

COLOUR, CRYSTALS, REFRACTION, AND HYDROSTATICS OH MY.

i use british spelling yolo

HE ALSO AN ALCHEMIST THING SORT OF****** (hey guys asterisks means there’s a note at the end on this kthnx)

alchemy is cool don’t hate

ALCHEMY WAS KIND OF ILLEGAL BUT HE STILL DID IT ANYWAY.

nice job robbie

ALSO IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT ALCHEMY IS GOOGLE IT BECAUSE I’M TOO LAZY TO EXPLAIN IT

he also played with air stuffs

AND HE LEARNED THAT A MOUSE WOULD FAINT FROM LACK OF OXYGEN

absolute genius

HE EVEN HAS A LAW NAMED AFTER HIM WHICH I CAN’T EVEN WIKIPEDIA HELP ME

“Boyle's law (sometimes referred to as the Boyle–Mariotte law) states that the absolute pressure and volume of a given mass of confined gas are inversely proportional, if the temperature remains unchanged within a closed system.[1][2] Thus, it states that the product of pressure and volume is a constant for a given mass of confined gas as long as the temperature is constant. “

THAT’S PRETTY COOL. IT EVEN HAS A NICE LITTLE GRAPHIC GIFY



note totally stolen for wikipedia /because i’m a cheater./

ROBBIE ALSO USED A LARGE CHUNK OF HIS FORTUNE TO HAVE THE BIBLE TRANSLATED INTO LIKE 5 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES.

actually it was exactly five that’s cool

HE NEVER MARRIED, BUT HE DID LIVE WITH HIS SISTER.

in his last years he was writing lectures

THESE LECTURES FROM THE LAST PART OF HIS LIFE WERE CALLED THE “BOYLE LECTURES”

hey we got somethin in common we’re great at naming things yep

WOW THAT WAS REALLY SHORT.

basically

HE WAS REALLY AWESOME.

THE END.

Note:

Hey guys! Did you know you can be an alchemist AND A CHRISTIAN WOW THAT’S CRAZY

because robbie here was not relying on mysticism like most alchemists

he was a scientist who just so happened to be into alchemy

And God.

he just broke like 5 stereotypes at once there.

mysticism =/= science

science = good

mysticism = bad scary no

alchemy + science = ok

alchemy + mysticism = not ok

thank you everyone

if unsure, consult an alchemist