Thursday, September 29, 2011

LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT THIS MAP. LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT THIS MAP.

Take a step into the TARDI- Errr, time machine.
We’ve been nearing the Renaissance , but we’re going to go a lot farther back.
PAUL.
Paul.
You know Paul, th-



...
no.
Paul the missionary. He went from city to city spreading the gospel. Ok. He went to Europe and Asia and Greece and all that good stuffz. Told about Jesus. What happened as a result of that?
Between his missionary journeys, he got in jail a lot. He wrote a lot of letters while he was in jail, though. SEVEN of the New Testament books are written by Paul and named after the cities he visited. He wrote more, but seven are named after the cities. Six of the seven cities are located in what later become known as the Ottoman empire.
During this time, The known world was, for the most part, the Roman Empire. Not the Holy Roman Empire, but the Roman Empire. Things were getting wack and crazy all up in there, and Christians were being persecuted, and a buncha bad stuff was going on. And then the roman empire was divided. Constantine come to the throne of the Western Roman Empire, and the capital was moved. And Constantine got all greedy and decided he’d go attack the Eastern Roman Empire. So he did and he got it. lulz.
Where’d he move the Capital? To Byzantium, which was known as Constantinople, which is now Istanbul. I don’t know why they changed it three times, but they did.
So after about a hundred years, everything went kuh-ploink and Rome fell. Inflation, taxation, Obam-BARBARIANS, and moving eventually made the entire country fall. But not in a day. I know it wasn’t built in a day, but it didn’t fall in a day either ._. This was around 476.
So almost A THOUSAND YEARS LATER is where we currently are. The Ottoman empire was pretty sweet, but they were mainly Islamic. So how did these six cities in the Ottoman empire fare? I’LL TELL YOU LATER.


So way back, Constantine made it a law that you couldn’t persecute Christians in the Edict of Milan. They were under HORRIBLE persecution, and Constantine was not too fond of that. Constantine wanted his empire to be strongly Christian.
So we’re going back again. We got Justinian and Theodora. They made Constantinople what it is/was/whatever. It was like a golden age.
AND THEN GENGHIS KHAN CAME.
And here we are at the Ottoman Turks. The Ottoman Turks used to be a little band of fugitives, led by a man named Ossman. He and his followers, the Ottomen, were on the run from our good buddy Genghis Khan. They were freakin’ smooth out and were running. Their place of refuge was with the among the... the... I don’t know how to spell it or say it. I’m not even going to try. BUT THERE WERE SOME TURKS. AND THEY WERE NEAR THE BLACK SEA. Which is over near Constantinople.
Ossman was not just gonna live with the Turks. He was going to CONQUER them. So he did.
FOR TEH LULZ.
And he did a good job. He declared himself Sultan of the Turks and he ruled over them. So Ossman moved the Turks over to the Europe side of the Black Sea. Check out your friendly neighborhood globe and you’ll see what I mean. Then they took over the Balkans. I have NO idea who these guys are. They were a group of countries that were named after the mountain range around Bulgaria and Yugoslavia.
LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT THIS MAP. LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT THIS MAP. THIS MAP IS THE MAP YOUR MAP HAS, BUT A LOT MORE DETAILED.


GREECE. IT’S ON THE MAP. ALBANIA. YOU SEE IT. BULGARIA. IT’S RIGHT THERE. TURKEY. LOOKS NOTHING LIKE ONE. MOST OF YUGOSLAVIA. AND SOME OF ROMANIA. THEY’RE IN OUR BALKAN PARTY. YUGOSLAVIA IS NOT A COUNTRY ANYMORE. THEY ARE UNINVITED TO OUR PARTY. IT IS NOT A NICE REGION TO BE IN. LOTSA WAR. LOTSA LOTSA WAR.
Back to the Ottomans, though. The Ottomans crossed into Europe and fought the Balkans. They found the Bulgarians and the Serbs. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out where the Bulgarians are from, and the Serbs were from Yugoslavia. The Turks were all “HEEEY, THESE GUYS AREN’T THAT MUCH DIFFERENT FROM USSS.” Well, except they had different religions. The Turks were Islamic and the Serbs and their Bulgarian buddies were Christian. And they had... Problems. The Ottomans brought their Islamic faith, and FORCED people to become Islamic or be heavily taxed. Christian cities fell because of this. Except for one city.
Except for CONSTANTINOPLE.
It had not been taken yet. Only one one sultan ever rose to the task, whose name was Mohammed. The second. Mo (not to be confused with Mohammed the First.) was an earth shaker. He had 150,000 soldiers to help him attack Constantinople, KNOWING that it was about 10 times the size of his opponents. For the lulz.
He had a big ship. It could not get through, because of a chain. So he just got a buncha little boats. And they pushed them across the land with logs and made like a conveyor belt. He had 70 bitty warships that they had positioned. Constantine the... Eleventh? Yeah. Constantine the Eleventh was pleading for help, but nobody came.
Awh.
So for about 54 days they fought back. Then it fell, and Constantine did too.
The Ottoman Turks renamed Constantinople. It is now called Istanbul.
And you see, when the Ottomans took over, the scientists, great thinkers, artists, and poets, fled. They were what made Constantinople great. But they caused the spread of genius throughout Europe, known as... -dramatic voice- THE RENNISANCE.
And as for the Ottomans, they kept at it and did well until, get this, 1918.
Wow.
And now, we part, and I leave you with something to help you remember, that it is, in fact, Istanbul and not Constantinople.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

PUMA BLOOD.

So in all of our posts, we’ve looked at a ton’a places. China, Japan, France, England, Spain, Germany, New Zealand, Zimbabwe. We’re studied a LOT.
So let’s back up.
A few 1,000 years ago, Asia and north America had a LAY-UND BRI-UDGE.
Said lay-und bri-udge was either a result of the ice age or it just didn’t get broken apart.
So there have been people in America for a long time. However, South America did not really have a lot of written language. That is, until the 1400s.
Wow.
History has FLOWN past.
BUTBACKONTRACK.
In 1438 there merged an Empire. IT was SO BIG and SO RICH that it made a mark on history. Now do you think they went from being all DERPYHOOVES (brohoof to my bronies. I know you’re out there.) to MMM YES MY GOOD CHAP SHALL YE COME OVAH FOR TEA THIS FINE EVE’ MMM QUITE.
No.
Not at all.
So there was a very dry desert. Don’t ask me what this has to do with the DERPIRE, but mom just started talking about it.
So past the uberdry desert, there was a really big and really long mountain range named the Andes Mountains. And past the Andes mountains, there was the largest rainforest. In. The. World. THE AMAZON~ And it was the Inca’s homeland. The man who is given most credit for founding the Inca Empire is named.. Pachacuti. Pronounced... PAT-YA-COOTIE. LOLOLOLOL. Ok. Sorry. Had to get that out.
But anyways, Pacha didn’t really deserve this. He didn’t even found the empire! The guy wasn’t even supposed to be an Emperor! He was a warrior though and was an ambitious guy. He was a hero and a warrior prince. He was the Emperor’s BROTHER. He expanded the kingdom. A lot. You know what he did to celebrate? He drank corn beer. Ok. Decent celebra-
FROM THE SKULLS OF HIS ENEMIES.
...
..
.
Uhm....
Ok.
WELL THEN HE TOOK THE THRONE OF HIS BROTHAH. So instead of making enemies of those who he conquered, he made bestfrans and the Inca culture learned a tonna stuff.
You know, you can go and kill the leader and drink corn beer from their skulls and have a grand time, but you want to be bestfrans and they be all lyk “OKOK LOOK AT THIS BRICK ISN’T IT WONDERFUL PLZ DON’T KILL ME MISTER D:”
Well Pacha was kinda tired now. HE deicded he was going to tone it down a bit and go built their capital city. Named. Cuzco.


OHMYGOSH. I JUST GOT IT. CUZCO... PACHA. ASDF. REALIZATION.
But anyways.
Cuzco, in the native language of the Incas meant... BELLYBUTTON.
Or Naval. If you want to be boring. I PREFER BELLYBUTTON.
If you saw Cuzco from above, you would see that it was shaped. Like. A. Puma.
Over near the head, it was zig zag walls to look like teeth. They were so well laid that they still stand.
In the body of the puma were really nice streets. In the middle was a temple.
In the tail was a temple to the got of the Sun. Not the Left Handed Hummingbird god of war and the sun, but just the god of the sun.
There was a special section for the Emperor that was very. Well. Guarded. Pacha made himself out to be a sort of god, so he didn’t want to screw that up by hanging out with the normal folkz. And nobody could look at him.
His spit was gathered as a treasure, and they. Ate. His. Hair. ... .. .
He wore an elaborate new outfit every day. He had the LARGEST ear plugs in the kingdom.
HE MARRIED HIS SISTER.
But he also allowed himself hundreds of other wives.
trolololo.
He had a special garden with lotsa gold. There was gold everywhere in the palace. Gold throne. Walls of gold. Plants of gold and animals of gold and a buncha stuff.
The sun was very special to the Incas. Pacha made worship of the sun an official religion.
One of the most important holy sites was called Titicaca. It was a lake- wait.
PSHAAAHAHAHAHA LOLOLOL TITTICACA.
Ok.
I’m done.
Titicaca was a lake that was at the top of the Andes. It has 25 islands, and one of them is named the Island of the Sun. The air is so thin that you can barely breathe. The emperor came every year to pay tribute.
So there was an Island of the Sun, so there was an island of the moon. They were selected specially because they were the most beautiful. They were trained to be priestesses. However, some of the most beautiful were selected to wives to the emperor or the be given to other tribes. Girls not chosen to be on the Island of the Moon were destined for a peasant life.
D:
Anyways.
Pacha was kinda like a Julius Ceaser in South America.
In his special little get away, he built an extravagant temple. It was more beautiful than Cuzco. 1,000 of the most elite nobility worked there, and he made sure that the most exotic food were served to them. One of these being the Coca leaf. From which Cocane is derived.


"Hey! You got your blog in my judgement!"
"Hey! You got your judgement in my blog!"
They chewed coca leaves because it “soothed their aliments and relieved their exhaustion.”
This building of Pacha’s was very unique and very elaborate. Thankfully, it was untouched and undiscovered by by Spanish explorers.
As skilled as the Incas were, they did not make use of wheels, horses, or money. Yep. No wheels for these guys. Or horses. Or... money...


Every traveler walked on foot, or was carried by people. lulz.
For heavy loads, people used llamas or alpacas. However, Alpacas and llamas cannot carry more than 100 pounds though. POOR LLAMA D:
They had a very interesting system of counting. A very interesting and intricate system of counting.
If you were lucky enough to be JUST MARRIED~ in the Inca empire, then you were exempt from paying taxes for a whole year. Divorce was forbidden, and adultery was punishable by death. Many other crimes were punishable by death. How were they executed? By getting pushed off a cliff.
Eeew.
They had their own... odd rituals though. With the dead, when they were mummified, were mummified in a... sitting position. So they could be present. At. Banquets. And to be paraded through. The. City.
ASDFEEEW.
The Inca empire, at it’s high, had 10-12,000,000. However, the Spanish crushed them down to about 1,000,000. There are still Incas today, and they continue to farm and weave just like they did about 600 years ago.
THE EU-UND!~

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Sorry it Took So Long x-x

So we’re in a market place. Derp.
A lot of people were there. No duh.
AND JOAN OF ARC WAS AT THE STAKE.
And she died.
OK THEN THE END SEE Y’ALL LATER.
lolnope.
Someone decided that it was a good idea to start at the end...? Meh. Whatever.
So this all goes back to the 100 years war. Which was not really 100 years. It was between England and France and all that? Yep. It took two treaties, two royal marriages, and about 83 years of actual battle. What did they want? The crown of France. They did not only WANT the crown, they WON the crown.
And two years later, Henry V, king of Franceland, bit the dust.
MOARWAR.
So in comes Joan. She was born in France, grew up as a peasant, and was a devout Catholic. Unlike most peasant girls, Joan believed she hear voices. JUST LIKE MEEE~ Except she thought that she heard, superficially, the voices of various saints and Micheal the Archangel. What were they saying? Be good, obey your parents, pray, and all that. So her parents didn’t really mind that. But at 17, the voices told her to lead the Prince of France to take his throne and become the next king.
So the Prince was a dolphin.
Oh? Wait? What? Dauphin? What? Oh, ok.
So he wasn’t a dolphin. I was misinformed. Dauphin is what the Prince of France is called. So Charles the VII was the Dauphin, son of Charles... VI... But Charlie VII was in no position to take the throne. You see, he was kinda, you know, flat broke. The traditional location where one would crown the king was over where the English were, so it was not under France’s control. So that was out of the question.
So VII said a little prayer that he could have the power to rule the throne, the courage, blah blah blah.
So Joan cut her hair, dressed in man’s clothing, and went to the castle.
So VII is freakin’ smooth out. He said a prayer and here comes Mrs. Peasant who cut all her hair, dressed up like a man, and said she heard voices? Well, VII was a bit cautious. So he decided he’d put her through some tests, which were long and pretty cool. She passed them all. So he sent her to Church camp or whatever and was questioned for three more weeks. They sent her back and suggested to put her in charge of the French Royal Army.
LULZ
So did this at 17. She was given horses, white armour, and servants.
She did a good job with her army too. She had very strict rules concerning their morals.
She was a military genius, and she had soon completed her mission of crowning Charles VII.
Well wouldn’t it be nice if the story could end here? All nice and happy and stuffs?
Well, no.
There was a lot to do to get back the rest of France! So she kept fighting to get it back.
So England was. Fed. Up.
THEY WERE LOOSING TO A TEENAGER!
A TEENAGE GIRL!
A TEENAGE PEASANTGIRL!
So England decided that they had to get rid of Joan.
So she was moving on, and she got ambushed by some soldiers that had collaborated with the French. So she was kept in a prison in France. She tried escaping, three attempts were made at BREAKIN’ HER OUT, but still, the girl had to hang in prison.
So the French Soldiers sold her to the English for about 3,000 modern English dollaz.
SO SOMEHOW, IN ALL OF THIS, SHE WAS CALLED A HERETIC.
She was a DEVOUT Catholic! What!
WHAT!
So I figured the conversation went kinda like this:
Dood1: “Dude, we need to kill this girl.”
Dood2: “Yeah.”
Dood1: “Wanna call her a heretic?”
Dood3: “BUT GUYZ SHE 1SNT A HERET1C TROLOLOLO”
Dood1&2: “...BUT IT’S THE ONLY WAY WE CAN GET RID OF HER.”
So they just did a casual handwave and said “HERETIC.”
So they burned her at the stake.
Yeeeah...
So they shaved her, made her wear a dunce hat, and a dress.
D:
So then the French drove the English out of all their land and the French won the 100 years war.
AND THEN 24 YEARS LATER, SHE WAS DEEMED INNOCENT.
BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!
IN 1920 (Yes. Nine. Teen. Twenty.) THE CHURCH DECIDED TO MAKE HER A SAINT.
WHAT.
IN.
THE.
WORLD.
asdf.
WELL THAT WAS A HORRIBLE ENDING.

Monday, September 19, 2011

ITS TIME FOR ANOTHER EMO HISTORY POETRY SLAM~!

So, I have never heard of this guy. Mom has never heard of this guy. Nobody I know has heard of this guy.
Well maybe my uncle, but that doesn’t matter.
But apparently this is a sad story. D:
IT’S TIME FOR ANOTHER EMO HISTORY POETRY SLAM.
John Huss, also written as Jan Hus. Pronounced JHAN GOOSE.
lulz
He was just 10 when John Wycliffe died. Remember him? HE WAS THE MORNING STAR THINGY.
Now Jan Hus and John Wycliffe never met. They never met, but there is another connection. Besides having the same (sounding) first name.
The king of England, John’s homeland, married the Queen of Bohemia, the homeland of Jan.
Which means that Jan got to go to Oxford, where John Wycliffe was famous. Sooo Jan got to learn about John and his teachings. Naturally, they took the ideas of the reformation to Bohemia.
And that’s how a lot of people learned about John.
So Jan was a scholar and a priest. He taught at Charles University in Prauge, pronounced Prog.


...
So Jan, with an open mind, began to read all the writings of John and he realized his errors and all that. So the logical thing to do, after reading some forbidden texts, is to....
TRANSLATE AND DISTRIBUTE IT IN SCHOOL!
Yeah. Scholar. Smart guy, he was.
So Jan was forbidden to discuss John or his teachings. lulz.
BUT HE DID IT SOME MOAR.
And then he became liked amongst the masses. And the Queen. And everyone.
Except the church. Especially the Pope. They felt very very threatened, so the Archbishop decided to burn all of Hus’ writings. He punished the city of Prauge just because of Jan. So Jan got smart here and he fled.
And here comes teh evil monkeh wrench.
So in the church at this time, there was a dispute as to who was actually Mr. P-to-da-ope. There were three men, each claiming to be Mr. P-to-da-ope. There was a guy in France saying, “I’M DA POPE.”
And a guy in Rome saying, “I’M DA POPE.”
And here comes Trollzilla in Germany saying, “LOLNOPE NONE’A YOU GUYZ R POPE, I AM.”
And the reason we’re bringing this up is to show you the state of the Church.
So you got three different guys saying, I’M DA POPE.
Jan was running around, and John was famous, so the Holy Roman Emperor called a meeting.
They had representatives from France, England, Italy, and the Holy Roman Empire. Which is Germany. They got together and tried to solve the triple-pope problem.
So what do you think happened? You would’a thought the Jonas Brothers were in town or something, because there were SO MANY PEOPLE THERE.
lolnope nobody cares about the Jonas Brothers.
Well it ended the triple-pope problem. You know who got to be Mr. P-to-da-ope? NOBODY! A whole new Mr. P-to-da-ope got picked.
Something sad about this is that he was invited to the council. IT’S A TRAP.


So John was not even put on trial. He was pretty much thrown into a hole in the ground. And not a big one. I’m talkin’ a tiny hole. Well it wasn’t really a hole, but it was about as bad as a hole. I’M CONFUSED NAO.
Ok. So, we got this cleared up. It was a cell which with really bad conditions and it was really small, LIKE a tiny hole in the ground.
So Jan could have escaped from it. The townspeople were RIOTING in this. They would have broken him out. He had friends BEGGING TO BREAK HIM OUT. He could have denied his teachings. But he didn’t. He stayed in jail.
He said he’d take back everything if he was proved wrong from scripture. Guess who was never proved wrong? JAN.
So they decided to vote if he was to die or not.
And they voted that he should die.
Guess who else they said should... uh... die...?
JOHN WYCLIFFE, WHO HAD BEEN DEAD FOR OVER 30 YEARS.
Failmode: On.
So they burned him at the stake. He probably could have escaped in the insanity, but no, he was found in his cell, praying. His cell was not locked.
It was customary to burn heretics at the stake, so the Church would not have to spill blood.
TROLOLOLO OH MAN THAT’S A GOOD ONE BECAUSE THE CHURCH HAS NEVER SPILLED BLOOD LOLOLOLOLO-
Oh.
Oh, they really did burn heretics at the stake? For that reason? I still think that’s funny.
1,000 body guards escorted him. They placed a paper crown on his head, and he sang hymns before he died. They asked him to deny what he said, but he wouldn’t.
Jan Hus had his own followers, like the LOLLARDS. They called themselves the Hussites, and they caused a civil war. lulz. Some broke away from the followers after this and started another Brethren.
THE ENDDD.
Uhmyuh.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

SO THERE IS AN INN KEEPER!

So books are fun, yeah? OF COURSE THEY ARE.
Well, our good frand Geoffrey was a story teller. He wrote books and told stories, and his most famous is The Canterbury Tales.
It opens up in Tabard Inn, London England. Everyone knows that the heroes meet up in the Tavern. I’ll bet you the inn keeper used to be, like, you know, a knight or a wizard or something and had some great quest for them to go on and-
Nope? Nobody? No one following me? Eh. Whatever.
There wasn’t even an inn keeper. I lied.
Anyways, there were 29 characters. Dood. Overkill much? Eh, it’s his book. Anyways, there were 29 everyday-type people.
What? No dragon-slayers? Not even any High Elves? Gosh. They meet in a tavern, but it’s a regular old inn-keeper. But there was a knight! YAY.
But this was a chivalrous knight. Not the kind that would run out and kill something, or go and do something brave and bold and heroic. Something.... Medieval quest-y. Eh.
There was a Nun.... ok.... That works. She was coy. And she had very very good table manners. Which he goes into. Great. Detail. On. Hmh. Well. We have a coy nun with amazing table manners, a Chivalrous knight. Ok.
We have a Wife of Bath. Who had 5 husbands in her whole life, and a lot of other boifrands earlier in her life. She had a really big hat. A really really big hat. And she was funny. So we have a funny lover, a coy nun with amazing table manners, and a Chivalrous knight.
We have a priest or something. He was a scholar without a lotta money. We have a poor Priest, a funny lover, a coy nun with amazing table manners, and a Chivalrous knight.
And we have a really. Really. Fat. Miller. A fat wrestler miller. Who told... interesting tales. He played bagpipes. We have a wrestler miller fatty drunk-bagpiper, a poor priest, a funny lover, a coy nun with amazing table manners, and a Chivalrous knight.
Woah.
So what are these guys up to? Did the Inn keeper actually go and send them on a quest?
lolnope.
They went on a pilgrimage!
They’re going to visit the shrine of Thomas Becket. A whole lot of people went to visit his shrine back then, so that was historically accurate. Apparently, it’s still a sight worth seeing.
SO THERE IS AN INN KEEPER.
The Inn Keeper comes up to them and sees them all sad. So he comes up and says “OY GUYS TELL STORIES ON THE WAY AND ON THE WAY BACK. I’LL GIVE THE BEST ONE A FREE MEAL.”
Eh.
He could have had a better quest, but you know. It’s historical fiction. Close enough.
So apparently, the whole thing is just a buncha stories within a story.
STORYCEPTION.
He only completed 1/5th of the book. Awh. Because he died before it could be finished D:
So yeah.
Uhm.

I might post a little book report on mah other blog. I might post it here. We’ll find out. For the time being, I have an amazing bowl of chilli-cheese tots I’m DYING to eat. They’re getting cold.
GOODBYE BLARGH.

Friday, September 2, 2011

OH LOOK IT'S A SIGN OF GOD'S DISFAVOR WITH YOU.

Sooo I’ve never heard of this guy. But aparently, he was rullll important :3 SO LET’S GET IT STAHTED.



.-.
John Wycliffe was called “The Morning Star of the Reformation” lolwut.
That’s pretty and all, but... Uhm... what?
A morning star is a really bright planet that you see around sunrise.
Well, that’s helpful. *cough*SARCASM*cough*
So let’s talk about the Reformation!
John grew up in England, went to that big ol’ school called Oxford, and he was really smart.
BUUUUUUT
John was a walking ball of controversy. People who didn’t like him were the members of the Medieval Church. Well, the Church in general wasn’t too fond of Johnnyboi. They didn’t like what he said about the Church and their practices. He complained that Mr. P-to-da-ope lived a life of luxuryyy. The Church owned about 1/3 of all the property in England. woahwut. AND THEY DIDN’T HAVE TO PAY TAXES. That’s like the Church owning all of Texas, Louisiana, Florida, and all they didn’t pay taxes in any of that. And they were FILTHEH RICH AND POWAHFU’.
So John didn’t like that. He also didn’t like the idea that the Church and Mr. P-to-da-ope could, get this, forgive sins.
No like. No likes.
He questioned the Church’s selling of Indulgances. waitwut.
GET THIS MAN.
AN INDULGENCE IS A LITTLE AUTOGRAPH THAT SAYS “YOU ARE FREE OF YO SINS MA BROTHAAA”
WUT.
WOAH.
THEY HAD TO BUY IT TOO.
Ok.
He also didn’t like how they worshipped Mary and the saints. He did not accept the way the Church did communion. Now communion is good and all, it’s nice, it is Biblical. That’s fine. BUT THE CATHOLIC CHURCH SAID THAT THE BREAD AND WINE WAS LITERALLY THE BLOOD AND BODY OF CHRIST. lolwut. And they said it was a REQUIREMENT of salvation.
But what bothered John the most was the way they handled the word of God. They did not only look at the Bible for reference, they looked at other books and they asked Mr. P-to-da-ope. Some beleived that man’s writing was necessary to understand the Bible, but not John.
To complicate matters, there weren’t too many Bibles. And the Bibles that were around were written in Latin, which nobody really read, much less spoke.
And here we be gettin’ fanceh. The King of England, Edward, liked John. He told John to go talk with Mr. P-to-da-ope. And John was over here runnin’ his mouth about the church and all that. So who likes John? NOT THE CHURCH! Yeah. So John, being the genius he was, decided to go have tea with the Pope. After they finished their conversation...
John lost his job and had all his writings burned.
lol.
Ironically, during another council to ban the rest of his works...
THERE WAS AN EARTHQUAKE.
fullofwin.
So John’s over here: “OH LOOK IT’S A SIGN OF GOD’S DISFAVOR WITH Y’ALL.”
So the Church is over here: “OH LOOK IT’S A SIGN OF GOD’S DISFAVOR WITH YOU.”
Yeah.
So You know what John did?
HE TRANSLATED THE BIBLE.
So now the Bible is in English. However, John Wycliffe was never able to finish the work. He died of a stroke before it was finished. So someone else took up the job and that went really well. The people who followed him were called Lollards. LOL....LARDS.
They didn’t wear the big fluffy shirts like the average dress was at the time. They didn’t use a printing press, and every copy of the Bible they handed out was hand-written.
And then the Lollards were executed.
D:
They would not work with the Church, so they were considered Heretics. 31 years AFTER John died, some genius of a Pope DUG UP JOHN’S BODY AND BURNED HIS BONES.
lolz.
So back to his nickname! “The Morning Star of the Reformation.” The problems our friend found were pretty big. So John wanted to Reform the Church. The other people who wanted to do this were called Protestants. This became a HUGGGE MOVEMENT. But that’s another lesson.
Sooo... Yeeeahh...
The end.