Thursday, June 30, 2011


Ohman this poor guy. His name was Francis.
But apparently, he had nice black hair, liked to party, and had a nice voice. And he was rich. He sounds kinda like me.
He went into the army because he was looking for adventure, but then something happened~ He had a vision from God, and He told him to leave the army and go home. And, well, since it was a vision from God he decided to do it. So he went home, and he went to church a lot.
And then he had another vision. He was in a itty-bitty church when he had it, and right there he gave his life to Christ and gave all his money to the bitty church.
One day he was walking along in the street, mindin’ his own business, and he saw a leper. And he was all “oheww leper.” So he looked away.
So then he went back, gave the leper all the money he had on him, and then kissed the leper.
Francis was sitting in church and he was paying rull careful attention to this verse: “As you go, preach, saying: ‘The Kingdom of Heaven is at hand....” and it’s a really long verse, but if you want to read it all, it’s Matthew 10:7-10. He took it literally. He thought he had to do two things: Preach the kingdom of heaven, and to own nothing. So he obeyed.
He stood in the street preaching, and he owned NOTHING. And his dad wasn’t too hip on the last bit.
Soon, 12 guys said “Ohermderp. Lookit this guy. LETS GO HAVE A PARTAY.” So they joined him in poverty. They built little huts to live in, and had these little robes. They called themselves “Fratres Minores” Which is Latin for “Minor Brothers” Later, they said “Hmmhm. This is getting boring. LET’S CALL OURSELVES FRANCISCANS” So they did.
They had a little catch phrase too: “The Lord Give Thee Peace!” And it says it on their website: Yes, they have a website.
So normal monks had pretty much stuck to their caves. But these guys had hung with the masses, preachin’ and prayin’ and all that jazz with the people. They made a big impact and it was rully good :3
But Francis didn’t want to compete with the Church. So he asked Mr. P-To-Da-Ope Innocent
Now normally, I don’t post the names of the popes. But I thought it was funny that there was a Pope named “Pope Innocent.” So I put the name.
if he could start a “Religious Order” But Mr. P-to-da-ope didn’t really like that idea because he thought that they were too... monk-like. That they lived too harsh a life. If you ask me, that’s a dumb reason. But eventually, P-to-da-ope went with it and let them make a “Religious Order.” They got a little chapel. A really little chapel. A REALLY REALLY LITTLE CHAPEL. It was 10 feet across. Uhmyeah.
But it worked, and it was alright.
Something kinda weird about Francis is that he loved nature. He didn’t like putting out candles because he thought he might hurt their feelings. He preached a sermon to birds. Yes, read that literally. He called them “My little sister-birds.” He asked the emperor to make it against the law to kill the birds. I’m pretty sure the answer was no. He also asked the emperor to make it a law that everyone throw out grain on Christmas. For the birds. FOR HIS LITTLE SISTER-BIRDS.
He also went over to the Islam-Mummy-Zombies. To preach to them.
Now then, let’s move on to another Saint. Her name was Saint Clara.
A woman Saint? A /woman/ saint? A /WOMAN/ SAINT!?! But women were evil! They brought sin into the world! herpderpfailness.
Clara was influenced by St. Francis and his Friars, and she wanted to live like them. So she made a vow of poverty, promised not to get married, and was obedient to Chrsit. Well that’s good.
About two years after Francis had been going, Clara made the Second Order of St. Francis. She opened a thingy-ma-bob for chicks. While Francis was hangin’ with the monks, Clara was hangin’ with the nuns. Francis was getting the monks out of boringness, and Clara was doing the same with the nuns.
And we’ve talking about the monks a lot. But we haven’t really talked about nuns. Nuns took care of orphans, they helped people with boo-boos, they were teachers, they sowed, they wrote Bible verses, they rose at midnight to pray. Why did they rise at midnight to pray? I don’t know. Someone probaby told them to, but I never saw in the Bible “Thou shalt rise at midnight to pray.”
But anyways, Clara pretty much did was Francis did, except with nuns. She did not preach to birds.
Now then, we have one more guy in our line-up. His name is St. Dominic.

Anyways, St. Dominic went to church a lot when he was little. He was immersed in the church, and he gave a lot of his stuff away. In a famine, he gave away everything he had, and from that point forward he vowed to live in poverty. He wanted to get rid of heresy, but he did not burn heretics like most people. Instead, he took the heretics and taught them the truth.
Mr. P-to-da-ope noticed what was goin’ down, so he formed the Dominican order. They were in Rome, but they went as far as Russia-

They went as far as Russia, teaching the gospel. They lived in groups of 7-10, and traveled light. They were barefoot, penniless
I’m pretty sure that everyone was penniless, actually. They didn’t really /have/ pennies, soerm.
Something odd about the Franciscans is that they weren’t interested in education. However, St. Dominic thought it was a good thing, and he encouraged it. Dominicans had some of the most smartest scholars.
Now what happened to Francis and Dominic? Well Francis died while he was singing a Psalm in his ittybittyschoolchurchhouse. He was only 45.
And what about Dominic? It was only one year after he established his thingy-ma-bob when he died. And it’s still going strong.
Apparently, a bunch of these guys said that you can get to Heaven via (via is a fun word.) works. ANDOHNOEZ. So the guys that were trying to fix heretics were heretics. /ledundundun.
We fail at climatic endings.

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