Thursday, July 7, 2011

Lead a Crusade!

Remember that other lesson? The Emo History Poetry Slam? IT GETS WORSE.
This is about children dying.
Ok, so. There were two little boys. From two different countries. About the same time as each other, they thought that the Lord was speaking to them. And what did they think He wanted them to do? Lead a crusade, of course! And to lead a crusade of children. Mmmhm.
The first boy was named Nicholas.

Nick believed that the Lord called him to take back the Holy Land, i.e. lead a crusade. Somehow, he managed to recruit hundreds of children for an army. Most were boys, about 12, but some were girls dressed up like boys.

"My children never caused such trouble. They all became acupuncturists."
"Well, we can't *all* be acupuncturists."
"No! Your great-granddaughter had to be a cross-dresser!" Oh Mulan :D

So the parents begged the kids not to go, but they went anyways. Nearly 30,000 kids marched over the alps, but they were really unprepared.

Most starved to death, some were attacked by wolves, some were robbed by... uh... robbers. The ones that made it were laughed at in Italy, and told to go home. Nobody would sail them over to the Middle-East, so they never made it there. Some stayed there in Italy, picked up an apprenticeship. Pretty good life. Lotsa pizza in Italy.
Then there were the kids that went back over the alps. Uhmyeah.

He lived in Colyes, a little town in France.
Being a shepherd, he spent a lot of time with sheep. One day while he was tending to them, he thought he had a vision from God, telling him to go on a crusade. When he tried to talk to the King of France about leading one, he told him to go back to his sheep :c
But Mr. P-to-da-ope Innocent (Trolololo) supported them, and let the 20,000 kids go on. So they got to the Coast of France, where they were instructed to wait for the sea to part. Uhm. Yeah. That never happened. But some of the shipowners offered to give ‘em a ride to Palestine.


Two of the ships sunk. The other five went off to Africa, where the bad guys sold the children as slaves. /lesob
Supposedly, only one kid was ever heard from, but only after 18 years.
The shipowners were hanged.
Hmhm. We’re getting closer to climatic endings!

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