Thursday, June 16, 2011

Emo History Poety Slam

It’s time for the emo history poetry slam! Or at least that’s pretty much how this lesson started out. “Once in a while I cry.” So I guess this’ll be a sad lesson.
Everyone knows what a Jew is. Or an Israelite, or a Hebrew, etc. etc. And if you don’t know what a Jew is, google it. Or better yet, read a history book. Or better yet, read the Bible.
For those of you still left (I hope nobody left x-x) you should know that Jews did not believe that Jesus was the Messiah. /lesob. But there are some that do, and they’re Christians. But the first are a majority of the population.
But the stories about the Jews in the Middle Ages is a sad one D: First they lost their houses to the Babylonians, and then the Assyrians. And so they went back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and then Rome came in and said “YOU GUYS AREN’T FIGHTING RIGHT.” So they came in and had a war with the Romans and the Assyrians and Babylonians fell back.
But the Jews recaptured the Holy Land, but the Muslim-zombie-mummies kept fighting back. And winning. WINNING~
But so eventually the Jews just gave up and left. Which meant that they had no homelands. /lesob
But waitwaitwait, why did the Muslim-Zombie-Mummies care about the Jews? Well at first the King of the Muslims was nice-ish to the Jews. So as long as they were nice, they could hang out with the Muslims. But in Spain, Jews were rich and were really cool and good and stuffz~ They were becoming kinda Arabian though. ARAAAAABIAN NIIIIIIIGHTS, LIKE AAARAAAAAAABIAN DAAAAAAYS~
But you know how Spain went. Outta nowhere, the zombie-mummyness of the Muslims came out and they decided to persecute the Jews. Over 4,000 people died D:This was in 1066. /pokesNormans
How about the Christians? Most were pretty nice to the Jews, along with North Spain, some popes, some Emperors, and Charlemagne. Ohhh~
But there were some popes and emperors that didn’t like the Jews D: They persecuted a bunch, and Constantine banished a lot. And in one place they had to convert to Christianity or their eyes would be torn out. EWEWEW D:
But so eventually Segregation happened. Sometimes the Jews chose segregation, but in England stuff got really bad. Remember John, Ellie’s son? Well he was really bad to the Jews. He took all their money and put them in jail. Yeah.
So eventually they were all kicked out of England because they no longer attributed to the economy.

So erm.
Generally speaking, Jews had a rough time in the Middle Ages. But then the Jews started to fight against each other. They fought over a bunch’a stuff, How to interpret the Old Testament was one of the biggies.
But all the Jews were really close. Families were really close and really nice to each other. But they all had a question: where was the Messiah?
There were a couple of people that tried to claim the title.
1) There was a guy who stood up against all odds, and did an inspirational speech about how the Jews should be the ones to retake the Holy Land, they needed to stand and fight! But nobody followed him, so he ran into battle alone and was killed. That kinda marked him off the list.

2) There was another guy who did the same thing, but he got about 10,000 people to follow him. He died too, thus crossing him off.
3) Same scenario, but his dad killed him in his sleep because of the riot he was causing. Heh heh.
So erm. I don’t know how to end this. Because we have another anti-climatic ending.

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