Thursday, March 10, 2011


Kay so this dude named Mohammad had a funny name. Poor guy. But his dad or uncle or whoever was called a sheep or something.
(Sheik is actually what it’s called. But I call it a sheep because it’s funny and I don’t think I’m spelling it right.)
Like a king. Cool huh? Mohammad took care of sheep. Not the prince kind either. The animals.
Mohammad hung out with traders and learned stories about God. In India people liked a bunch’a gods, so Mohammad liked the new idea. There was a black temple called the Kaaba. People would hang out there and worship all the 360 dudes and stuff. Epic place in their religion. It’s funny lookin’.
Kay so when Mohammad turned 20 he started helping this chick with her chores. Then they got married. And they were happy and had 3 kids. But two died. Duh duh duuun.
When Mo (I’mma call him Mo because I don’t want to spell his name) was like 40, he had a mid-age crisis and thought he found a genie. I hope he was a blue genie. But then he thought the genie was Gabriel the angel. ‘Parently God was named Allah#. Allah Tallah over here in the Indian religion was god of the universe. lolz. Allah Tallah. Fun to say.
Mohammad didn’t write down anything Gabriel said because he couldn’t write. Poor guy. But when he died some people wrote it down for him in a funny-named book called the Koran. Or Qoran. Ha. Without a u.
So Mo told his wife who liked it and started worshipin’ Allah. And then he told a bunch’a other people around his house. One of their names is Aboo. I only remember that because Aboo is in Aladdin and I LOVE Aladdin.
Aladdin is placed in Arabia. ARABBBBIAAANN NNIIIIGHTTSS!
(Arabian Nights, the book, actually starts off “Once there was a Chinese boy named Aladdin.” I thought Aladdin was Arabian. I was wrong. So was Disney.)
Sorry. Aladdin has a magic carpet. I want one. Aboo is a monkey in the movie. In real life he is a man. Aboo the man got 6 dudes to follow Allah.
So Enough on Aladdin. This is about Mo. Mo started teaching Allah’s stuff and people didn’t like him too much. The leaders offered Mo money to see a doctor. Ha. Fail. The leaders tortured the poor followers. Mo’s friend Aboo (Not the monkey) helped hide the followers. But they got separated from their families.
Mo tried moving. But he was stoned. Then he went home and married two wives. Hurr. So apparently he was taken from his sleep by a Pegasus to Jerusalem.
You heard me. Pegasus. As in AHMAGASHPWNIES. Flying horsey. I hope his Pegasus was pink with chocolate wings and licorice hair.
Then he apparently went home on the same horsey. Maybe he should have taken the leaders’ money and seen a doctor.
So people started getting reallll mad at Mo. Then they tried to kill him. So he went to a town called Madena. When he did that he called it called Hegira. That sounds kinda like v... nevermind. Hegira means flight. Real original.
But in Madena it was all just fine. He worked hard (Or hardly workin’ amirite :D) and was a simple man. He had several wives and all that good stuffz. His followers were told that if they died for him they’d receive paradise. Epic fail.
He made a peace treaty with his home-town Mecca. But he broke it after two years in 630. It’s called a jihad. Funny word :) But so he won and Mecca was under Mo’s rule. But o the Jews started getting scared. They didn’t like this cheese. They started becoming enemies of the Arab leaders, and when giving the choice of converting to Islam or death, at least 600 people died. Awh D:
So Mo’s last days were sad like dat. He was Sir. Physcopath. Nobody liked that. But in his late 50s he started to show humanism. He listened to his teachings of his friend Aboo (The man. Not the monkey. Monkeys can’t talk. It’d be cool if they could though. They’d probably talk a bunch about bananas.)
(If monkeys could talk, I think they’d talk about how they hope they don’t go to a zoo. The monkeys in a zoo probably talk about all the funny looking things that looked at them and about how they are much more intelligent than their captors.)
He died at age 62. The Islam faith was officially started in 622. Coincidence? I think not!


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