Friday, March 11, 2011

G-u-a-c-a-m-o-l-e, Guacamole!

So medieval Spain was pretty laid back n stuff. Everyone was all cool ‘bout everybody else and their stuff. Kinda like turtles. They were all chill and just hangin’ out. Like, “Hey, I got a buncha stuff to do, and I’mma do it, but I’m gonna take my time to do it. Cuz I’m chill.” Not like Kanye West. Kanye West was all “I’MMA LET YOU FINISH BUT I HATE THIS CHICK HEAR.”
Now I know nobody cares about Kanye West anymore. I don’t care. I do kinda, actually. It doesn't matter. I'm acting like Kanye West now. But yeah. Back to the story.
So yeah.
Spain was a peninsula. It was surrounded by three sides by water. Kinda like Florida. Except not as cool. Spain is at the entrance to the Mediterranean Sea. Like I’m talkin’ the sea that looks like the duck.
Not a Witch. A duck. A duck is a witch and a witch is a duck, and they weigh the same and a which weighs the same as a duck. But this looks like a duck. Ok? Ok. Got it? Good.
Spain is also best frands with France (not really, France hates everybody except themselves.) so they live right next to ‘em. It’s also buds with Africa, but it’s right across the pond
Now I know that “Across the pond” is commonly used for USA and England, but oh well. I used it. Stinks for you, get over it.
from Africa. The first settlers in Spain were the Phoenicians. They made dye with snails. Elch. It stunk there pretty bad too. But it was a rully purdy purple. They also made blown glass and pots. Woo!
The Romans, being Romans, conquered Spain first. Win. The Romans called it Hispania, which means Spanish. Ha ha ha, win. Anyways, The barbarians came around and said “Hay guys, you stink
When they said “You stink” They were not referring to the snails. They said they were fail.
so we’re takin’ over.”
The Muslims invaded Spain in 711. They got Spain under control, and so when Mo (‘member him?) died his religion spread all around, including north Africa. When Tariq the commander was up dar, he sailed to Spain and took Islam stuffz with him. There was a big rock and he claimed it for himself. It still has his name on it. Win. So after he hung out there, everybody else came with him and hung out in Spain for 800 years.
There was a prince named Abid Al Ramen. No lie. So he wanted to be the ruler of the whole empire, but some people didn’t like that idea. So a bad guy killed a buncha people and took over. So Al swam around and went to Northwest Africa. He was smart and a lotta people liked him. So he was a really good king there. He had good taxes and polices and road and stuff. It was epic mannn. Everybody was rich and good and they had donkeys and water. An there were a buncha books and a lotta people got smart.
There were a buncha people, Muslims, Jews, AND Christians were there. That’s what made them like turtles, being so chill with each other.
Ok, so after we had the turtles and chillness and good stuff, there were some bad things that started happinin. There were some problems. So Muslims and Jews and Christians were all coo’ with each other, but something started a happinin’. There was freedom, but if they started talking against Mohammad or Allah, they had a killin’ coming to ‘em.
Ok so this is realy anti-climatic but I don’t know what else to put here. So the end.


  1. Hey that rock, you know, Tariq's in you got the name for that rock?

  2. Wow. So, where did G-U-A-C-A-M-O-L-E, Guacamole! title come in??? (Yes! It is a Rhett and Link song title! Love it!!!)

  3. Well, here it is in in my conclusion:
    Spain = Spanish = Mexican = Mexican food = Chips = Tortilla chips = Mexican dip = Guacamole = Rhett and Link. And of course, I had to take a little nod in their direction once I worked out the mathematical equation :)