MNOMNOM.
NOMITYNOM.
moar bacon.
This guy. This last name is Bacon.
FRANCIS BACON.
So you guys remember the Renaissance? Of course you do. WELL IT’S OVER NOW. Not really. It’s about to be. But not yet.
Francis Bacon was from England. And he was homeschooled. And when he was 12 he went to college.
Now doesn’t that make you feel good about yourself?
And then he went to law school!
While good old Elizabeth was alive, he had a few positions in the government. And he was one of the ones who voted to kill Bloody Mary. Well isn’t that nice.
And law was nice and all, but you know what he really liked?
PHILOSOPHY.
I know what I know if you know what I mean.
ANYWAY.
Like, he really liked philosophy. He loved Philosophy. He and philosophy went on multiple dates, had a meaningful relationship, he proceeded to propose to philosophy in a beautiful sentimental way, they got married, had kids, and lived a wonderful life together.
not really.
ON THEN HE GOT KNIGHTED.
And his wife philosophy was so proud.
well not really because philosophy is not a person but just go with it.
THEN HE WROTE A BOOK.
Called The Advancement of Learning. Which brought him a lot of fame. And to be frank, he was annoyed at these geniuses who were like ROME AND GREECE WERE THE BEST THING SINCE EVER. And Francis was like “no.”
Because he thought the answers was science and learning and bad grammar which bluh bluh bluh what am i doing.
THE SCIENCE. AND THE LEARNING. THESE WERE THE IMPORTANT THINGS. YOU CAN LEARN THIS, SO YOU CAN LEARN THIS, AND THEN YOU LEARN THIS SO YOU CAN LEARN THIS.
Does this make sense?
Yeah sure let’s go with that.
ALSO I FEEL THE NEED TO TELL YOU THAT HE SAID “KNOWLEDGE IS POWER.”
BECAUSE THAT’S IMPORTANT.
And he got married! He was 45 though. And it wasn’t for love.
herpderp.
But he got promoted! Twice. He was “The Lord Keeper of the Great Seal.” Which sounds awesome.
He also got another long list of titles which I’m not going into. But he was pretty awesome. And rich. And he spoiled himself like a prince.
WHICH MEANS ALL THE DEBT. And then he got in trouble. He was taking bribes from people, which was a very bad thing. And it was true. He said so. “I ACCUSE YOU OF TAKING BRIBES.” “Eeeeyup.”
AND WHERE DO PEOPLE GO WHENEVER SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAPPENS? THE TOWER OF LONDON. But he got out after four days because he was tight with King James. Like, the King James.
NOW.
After this embarrassment, he pretty much put himself into philosophy because he wasn’t allowed to be in government anymore. He wrote a few books and all that good stuff. Sorta I guess. He wrote one of those book essay things and stuff, but he also wrote stuff like Utopia. Except he had Atlantis.
No.
Not that Atlantis.
This is a different Atlantis I guess? I don’t know. This is all science though. I don’t think it says anything about it sinking though.
And he had an idea.
HE WANTED TO CATALOGUE ALL THE THEORIES.
He had all the theories. All of them.
Well not really but ok whatever.
AND HE WAS GONNA EXPLAIN THE UNIVERSE.
He thought big. Just... you know. Just a little. And as much as he loved science...
he wasn’t very good at it.
He spent a whoooole lotta time just thinking about it and writing about it. He didn’t do much. He just kinda sat there.
JUST.
LIKE.
PINTEREST.
“OH MY WORD LOOK AT ALL OF THIS IT’S SO AWESOME GONNA DO THIS STUFF ON THE WEEKEND!”
And then you spend allllllllll weekend surfing Pinterest more. And you say the same thing. GONNA GET STUFF DONE not really ever what am i doing with my life.
THIS RIGHT HERE IS NOT HOW THE AGE OF REASON WENT.
The age of Reason was like Pinterest. It was like people that pinned their own stuff on Pinterest. And they did everything on it. They like got to the beginning of Pinterest and did all the things. All of them. And the Renaissance kinda backed out.
And that sounds pretty nice, right?
Eh.
Wellll.
You see, people in the Age of Reason were like “WE HAVE PINTEREST SCIENCE WE DON’T NEED GOD”
which was/is sad.
FRANCIS DID NOT AGREE WITH THIS.
which was/is good.
He didn’t really have the best morals or anything, but he still thought that religion and science were like. buddies.
BUT THEN HE DIED IN THE SNOW WITH A CHICKEN.
It was a failed science experiment, basically.
So uh yeah that ended pretty abruptly but i cant do anything about it so go surf pinterest or something and pretend this never happened.
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