COURSE YOU DO.
Anyway, that colony that disappeared? Well about that time, there was this whole war going on with the English and Spanish. As you’d guess.
AND THE ENGLISH BEAT THE SPANISH INTO THE DUST.
Er, the sand.
INTO THE SAND. OR, UH, THE WAVES. ER. JUST. FORGET THAT ANALOGY. THEY BEAT THEM PRETTY BAD.
But whai.
BECAUSE HENRY VIII WAS A JERK.
Remember Catherine?
phsaw that doesn’t help at all.
Catherine of Argon? His FIRST WIFE? To whom he was married for 20 years and proceeded to kick to the curb for a 15 year old?
That chick?
SHE WAS SPANISH.
And the Spanish never really got over it.
Then Bloody MAry!
Who died.
Then he courted Elizabeth!
And he got dumped.
Then his son did too!
Then war.
And Spain was also kinda derpy with the Netherlands because William the Silent.
So they just kinda sat there and tried not to kill anyone. Which was hard with Elizabeth and all her pirates. She was like, “GO, GO PLUNDER THE SPANISH. HA HAH HA HA~!”
So Philip just played hard to get pretended not to notice. And then Elizabeth was like “I THINK I MIGHT MARRY THIS FRENCH DUKE.” And then Philip turned on his swagger continued ignoring Elizabeth. Which she didn’t do. So instead she helped the Dutch. Against Spain.
Then Elizabeth executed Mary Queen of Scots, because she was Catholic. Which was kinda an “I HATE YOU SO MUCH.” wink towards Spain.
And then...
England learned about this littletinyGIANT ARMADA.
Anyway. Spain actually loved Philip, even though everyone else HATED HIM SO MUCH. He became king at 16, which was pretty young. He was married a lot, but most were political so it wasn’t all I’M GONNA BE HENRY.
He wrote letters to his wife and his daughters and he was actually a pretty nice guy.
except to his son who he locked in a tower :D
Anyway. He was nice and calm and he was pretty awesome. Except to everyone else but that doesn’t matter.
But Uhh.
He Kinda Lost.
So he kinda had the largest armada ever assembled ever. It was called the Invincible Armada. Which means they’re so gonna win.
And England had a pretty small navy. Herpderp. But everyone was all excited about war so basically they were better, I guess.
And all these pirates of England were like YEUH. But so were the Spanish.
But they had two way different strategies.
Spain thought it’s be a good idea to board all these ships and fight man to man. However, England liked to shoot things out of canons and sink ships.
((I am aware I spelled cannon “incorrectly.” It was totally intentional and you get all of my love if you know what im doing here iiiilll stop talking now please ignore this))
Anyway,
So basically one of the Admirals set fire to 8 of he ships and sailed them off into the Spanish Armada seawaterarea.
And they all yelled and screamed and fled over to France!
They kinda surrendered. However, they had to go AROUND ENGLAND because the wind was being stupid. So they just kinda went around England. And the ships were so big 17 of their ships derped.
That is beautiful.
Philip just kinda locked himself in an itty bitty room and didn’t really talk to anyone.
ELIZABETH WAS PARTYING.
And she just sent some more war fleets to Spain. Even though they already won. All of the win.
Basically, Spain got really weak 5ever.
The Dutch got helped and out from under Spain.
England got a lot stronger, and so did the Protestant Reformation.
And it also kinda let England go colonize up in North America. Because Spain couldn’t actually do anything.
THEN SUDDENLY THE GOLDEN AGE. Well, for England, at least. Spain was whining over there.
ANYWAY. SO THAT KINDA ENDED ABRUPTLY. BUT OH WELL~
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