Tuesday, January 31, 2012


So we know the Protestant Reformation was not a very fun time. People did not only find bad shtuff with the Church, but they also didn’t like each other. By now it had spread through Germany and into Switzerland.
And Switzerland was kinda chaotic.
They were fighting for their independence, but soon they were “free”. They had city-state-thingy-ma-bobs kinda like Greece did. And the city-state-thingy-ma-bob-Cantons (that’s what they were called) were not very united.
His name was Ulrich Zwingli. We’ll name him Z, because that’s cool. And when he was 14, he was in college. He was into Greek and Hebrew and Latin, just like everybody else. He did it mostly to read the Bible, but you know. He was growing into the usual reformation guy. Doesn’t like the Church, wants to change it.
However, he was a priest for the Church. And he was about to get a promotion. So he took the job there, but instead of leading Mass like he usually did, he tought straight from the scripture.
Starting with the book of Matthew, he started to go over EVERY SINGLE WORD. Seriously. He went over the words. And explained them. And everyone was impressed. It took him 6 years to go through the entire New Testament, verse by verse. Except for Revelation. I dunno.
A lot of people moved out of the country for hopefully obvious reasons. But not Z. He stayed. He both battled the plague with himself, and he tended to other people. Which means he was a plague doctor. Plague Doctors are awesome. Plague Doctors are my favorite medieval Renaissance thing in the whole Renaissance. Plague Doctors are win.
So he decided a bunch of things with the church weren’t very good. He translated the Bible (OH NOBODY’S DONE THAT BEFORE) into the common language, and he started some smallgroup study~!
People started leaving monasteries. People started having sermons instead of Mass. People started getting married. OH MY GOSH IT’S INSANEE.
So Switzerland pretty much went through the same thing as Germany. Except easier. Because Z didn’t have to mess around with Mr. P-to-da-ope and all that. Because the Swiss could deal with their own Chruchy buzznuzz.
But, of course, he was STILL accused of heresy. DIDN’T SEE THAT ONE DID YYEWW.
But Mr. P-to-da-ope just asked Z to stop preaching. Which did not happen, because Z sent them a 67 point thesis thing. And everyone agreed with them.

Which is good!
Well, kinda. No. Sorta. They ENFORCED STRONGLY everything Z said. And Z became, unofficially, a political and spiritual leader. He ruled his little city state kinda like Rola and Florence. And that’s pretty good.
Well, kiiinda. His spiritual laws were HEAVILY ENFORCED by the government, as usual. Which was not good at all. This led to years and years of bloodshed and all that wonderful shtuff. Yayy~!
The first problem Z came to was with the Anabaptists. Pretty much because they though different. And they believed the Bible taught full separation of Church and State. Which means they did NOT like Z.
They also thought Baptism should only be given to those old enough to understand scripture. Which I can only guess is something Z liked.
And here is where Z slips up. He decided it’d be a good idea to try to stop the Anabaptists from spreading their sect of Christianity. How? With his political power!
Under Z’s power, people were arrested, tortured, executed, etc. Lovely.
Z had another messy encounter. WITH MARTIN LUTHER.
You see, they disagreed on the subject of communion.
Luther believed like the Catholics. Z thought that the wine and bread was only a representation of Christ’s body and blood.
And so this trolland guy came in and was liek HAI GUIZ I’LL FIX THIS~~~!!!!1! And so he kidnapped Martin and Z and locked them in a room together until they agreed with each other.
Well, not really.
(Pretty much because they never agreed with each other.)
Luther called Z a heretic and went come crying to his mother.
So Z and Martin had a facebook war via pamphlets to hand out to their followers because they refused to speak with each other, and the two sects of religion cannot agree with each other. Still.
And Z’s final mistake would BE. HIS. LAST.
You know how Switzerland had city-state-things? Well 5 of them were still Roman Catholic.
And the mess was kicked off when one of Z’s preachers was burned in one of the Catholic Cantons.
So there was pretty much a big giant civil war. Z was fatally wounded because they TORE HIS LIMBS OFF AND PROCEEDED TO BURN HIM INTO ASHES.
Well I’d THINK he was fatally wounded.
There’s now a statue in Zurich, Switzerland. See the picture~!

Yupyup. He and a sword and a Bible. You seee~?
So because Z was kind of immobilized due to the fact that his ashes were beaten into the ground, someone picked up where he left off. And his name was...
herpderp. He was a pastor and all that good stuff. He guided the Reformation right along, and apparently did not have any big problems. And if he did, that doesn’t really count because I do not know about them.
So the end~!

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