So the 100 year war WASN’T ACTUALLY 100 YEARS LONG. Apparently, it was 116 years long. But 100 years just sounds better.
So this was all about revenge. England wanted revenge from the French. Why? Well, BACK IN 1066~ the French beat the stink out of the English! So England was pretty mad.
So, the king of France died, but he didn’t have a son. What happens if the king doesn’t have a son? OH GURRRL.
The king’s cousin, Philip VI, was in France, and his nephew, Edward III was in England. So they decided to battle for who would rule France. This was a perfect opportunity for England to get back at France too, even though the Battle of Hastings was, oh, ABOUT 300 YEARS AGO.
So Edward decided to stir up a BIG TUB-A STINK. He just got through making peace with Scotland, and now he decides to make a big war with the French. So he crosses the English channel to do it. And he sure did a good job. He beat the French in the sea, and on land. A factor in this was the English’s weapons. They had like a mega-crossbow, and the English used GUNPOWDER. STRAIGHT-UP GANGSTA YO. Even though the English had THOUSANDS of fewer soldiers, they still prevailed.
AND THEN THEY BOTH RAN OUT OF MONEY AND CALLED A TRUCE.
“Hey man I’m outta money and I’m tired.”
“Wanna call a truce?”
So after Edward III died, Edward, Prince of Wales ruled England. He was called the Black Prince because of his attire.
AND SO HE RESTARTED THE WAR!
He captured the King of France (John II) and his son in the battle of Poitiers, pronounced PWA-TAYYY. As in PAR-TAYYY but different.
AND FRANCE WAS SO EMBARRASSED. And so they gave England some money and a lotta land and did a treaty. So England quick attacking them.
And so things went on... Some new people came to the throne, but they were children who didn’t know about the matters of war... AND THEN THEY GREW UP. They were greedy too. And the King of England was lyke “I WANT ENGLAND AND FRANCE.” And the King of France was lyke “I WAS FRANCE AND ENGLAND.” So they had a wedding! It never occurred to them that there would then be two kings, but that didn’t matter. The King of England, Richard II, was going to marry the daughter of Charles VII of France. She was Princess Isabella. How pretty :3
It says that Richard, at his time of marriage, was 29. There’s no problem with that.
But Isabella.... well.... She was about 7. Oh, did I mention she was his /second/ wife?
Now this was political, aristocratic, blah blah blah. I’m still grossed out. So everything was peaceful, but everything wasn’t nice. Both countries were reallly poor. There was big-time looting, and a lot of farms were abandoned, which means less food, which means less people, which means a lot of different things. AND THEN THE BLACK PLAGUE DECIDES TO BREAK OUT. Yaaay.
AND UNDER ALL THESE CONDITIONS, WHAT IS THE LOGICAL THING TO DO?
BREAK OUT IN WAR.
The English King, Henry V, had this great idea. He wanted the throne of France, and so he started a battle. He had less than half the troops of the French, but they still won in /half an hour/. So he got the throne, married a girl to secure his place, and made the French sign a treaty that gave the crown to the English. Sir William Shakespeare wrote a play about this, entitled... Henry V. Yeah.
AND THEN HENRY DIED.
So back to war!
And along comes a little boy. Someone unsuspecting, a teenager. A French teenager.
A FRENCH TEENAGE GIRL.