Thursday, March 22, 2012

Super Witty Subject Title

So this guy was a pretty important person. He pretty much risked his life to translate the Bible into English. Why was this dangerous? Because the Catholics.

His name was William, and he went to college and was a good person and herpderpderp. He was exposed to some of the best Greek scholars. And he was studying the Greek language. He was taught by the Italians, but he didn’ really flow with the whole Renaissance thing. He iwent a studyin the New Testament instead.

Now yew guys muhmember John Wycliffe? Neihter do I. But he had translated the Bible into English about 200 years ago. But that didn’t really make it to the printing press, and the LOLLARDS (fun names) were STILL hand copying it, and those copies were pretty expensive and not very accurate. Because some stuff wasn’t translated right, and some of it was different and cut short, and some people just got confused, and it basically got screwed up a few times. But the point is that Wycliffe Translated the Translation.

So Will came by and was like “I’M GUN FIX THIS.”

He goes up to the Bishop and was like “Hay can I do this?” And the Bishop was all Bishopy and was lyk “No.”

Will realized he was up in some srsbznz. England was a bag of controversy because Henry VIII was like “OH IF I WANT A NEW WIFE I’LL JUST START A WHOLE NEW CHURCH BECAUSE OF IT IT’S NO BIG DEAL.”

Ha ha.



So Will went over to Europe and he published his first New Testament Translation in Cologne.

rmal, everyday business. But it wasn’t. It was really really dangerous. This customer was at a print shop, and he heard what was being printed there and he CALLED UP THE AUTHORITIES. This was very short notice, so Will ran through the shop, grabbed all his stuff that he could, and headed for Wyrms. This was a little bit safer, and he got about 6,000 copies out of that. Only 2 exist today. Because most of them were probably BURNED BY THE CHURCH or something.

But anyway.

You guys remember Thomas More? Yeah. He didn’t really like the ideas that Will had. At all. Which is really sad, because he was a good man and all. He wasn’t a hater or anything, he just thought people were stupid.

Now it’s time for irony~!

The Roman Catholics were like really opposed and they were all like but no y no make bible and then will was like yes i do make bible AND THEN THE CARDIN, THE HEAD DUDE UNDER TH POPE ARRESTED WILL.



In order to prevent Will’s Bible’s from hitting the streets, the Arch-Bishop of Canterbury decided to buy ALL OF THEM so he could burn them. This caused more money to go into printing more Bibles.


So Will moved to the Netherlands, but he kinda stayed on the move because he was a wanted man. Unfortunately, he got tricked and someone claiming to share his views got him. He invited him to dinner, and once he was outside, he started yelling for the authorities and he was in prison for 16-18 months in the dungeon of a castle.

I’m not making that last part up. HE WAS IN THE COLD DAMP DUNGEON OF A CASTLE.


Thomas More was arrested and executed about the same time as Will was. Herpin mah derp like yeuh.

Anyway, Will only really wanted three things. 1: a Bible. 2: A candle. 3: A coat.


So anyways, he was condemned as a heretic, strangled, and burned. His last words were something along the lines of “May the king open his eyes.”

Well that’s... nice?


About the same time, Henry VIII was surrounded by Reformers. He was given the idea to print the Bible, but he heard about Will and he didn’t want anything like that to happen.

So he didn’t want Will’s Bible. So it was disguised, and sent to Henry as Matthew’s Bible. Henry loved it.


Matthew’s Bible was improved, and it grew in size and was called “The Great Bible”. I was published, placed in every church WITH A CHAIN SO IT WASN’T STOLEN (what the heck) and was promoted.

Also, you guys know the King James Bible? It’s about 90 percent of Will’s. And even though it cost him his life, Will pretty much translated the Bible we read today.

(I actually use a NIV but whatever the end.)

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