Monday, March 5, 2012

It Also Has Rats. And Tourists.

So yew guiz know the Renaissance. The center of said Renaissance was Venice. They had a big trade buzznuzz goin on because everyone was going back and forth between everywhere and Venice.

Venice is that one Italian city with all the rivers. It didn’t get attacked by bad peeplz, except for that one time with that guy. It’s over there in the north, and it’s like right up in the Adriatic Sea, otherwise known as the duck’s wing. The thin one, not the big black one. And Venice is also best buddies YUGOSLAVIA, which is just fun to say. Because they live right next door to each other.

So the peeps buildin Venice got kinda carried away with their gimmick. They started using the sea a little too much, and soon all the roads were replaced with water! Well, not really, but you know. There was a lot of water. There was a big giant grand canal, and they used EVERY EXCUSE THEY COULD THINK OF to prettify the thing. Every single thing in the city was made all pretty and fancy and awesome. However, they had to import food. Because it’s hard to grow food in the water. But that was ok, because that means they got to sell their leather is stone and pretties. Now I don’t know how they got that leather, because if it’s hard to grow food then I don’t know WHERE they got those cows. Unless it was like rat lather or somethin, but that’s nasty and I don’t want to elaborate on that.

Venice was sitting right between the east and west, and when our buddy MARCO! (you can say it. You know you want to.) went to China, he did some shameless self advertising with the Chinese and everyone he met along the way. Because, you know, sea monsters and fish and shtuff are suckers for some good trade cities. MARCO! also brought back some silk and spices and nice things like that.

So it was also a big city for art. The artists focused on color and light, probably because they were surrounded by color and light.

VENICE ALSO HAD A BIG PAINTER WHICH I’VE NEVER HEARD OF. He was named Tiziano Vecelli da Cadore. But he went by Titian. Like fo rulz this time he really did go by Titian. Because Tiziano Vecelli da Cadore was cumbersome. BUT~! He was an art student, and he only had one other guy in the art class with him. And he was better than Titian. But that guy “died of the plague.” Then the guy’s teacher died six years later, which kinda left the door to be a master artist wide open. He soon surpassed his teacher, because it’s kinda hard to paint well when you’re dead.

So Titian was just a great painter. I mean, he wasn’t all HURPDURP BEST ARTIST EVAR. HURPDURP MY ART SHOWS STORIES. HURPDURP I AM A SOCIAL BUTTERFLAHH. None of that. But still, that doesn’t mean he wasn’t a good painter. He broke a few rules of painting. He moved what would be in the center, to the SIDE.


So Titian‘s strong point was portraits. And he painted a LOT of people. A lot of women. One of his most famous is called La Bella. However, to be different than Leonardo, he gave her eyebrows. And no landscape. And Charles V, THE HOLY ROMAN EMPEROR wanted Charles to be the court painter. Which was really good, because Titian’s wife had died, and it was a nice change of scenery. Charles kept him busy with painting shtuff. Mostly of himself. In all different ways. Charles with his dog, Charles on his horse, Charles with his wife, Charles on his throne, Charles Charles Charles. Titian was also sent along to Mr. P-to-da-ope, so he went along to Rome. He met Michelangelo, who, oddly, got along with Titian. He was greatly influenced, and soon started painting muscular floating mostly naked people. However, like all people, Titian died.

Venice gained, through Titian, more popularity. It continued to flourish as a trade city, however, eventually things died down and it turned into just a typical Renaissance city.

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