Thursday, February 16, 2012

Actually, It's Really Creepy.

So y’all mumember Sir Thomas More? With Henry? Of course you do!

Well he was born in London. And he went to school and was a good little boy and alla that jayazz. This ARchbishop said he’d grow up to be an awsum opossum and he did. He went to Oxford and of course went and lookedd at Greek and Latin and blahbluhblahbluhbluhhh. He wrote some books and some funnies and read some Eramus and you know how that goes.

And so Tom met Eramus teamed up because they both liked thuh funnies. They both had a sense of humor.


You see, Tom was a bit more serious when it came to faith and religion and all that buzznuzz. He looked into the monky shtuff, but then he thought “but I like women and he wanted to get married so he did which means he couldn’t be a monk and run-on sentence. So he because a judge for Henry!

But before he did that, he wrote a book. It was called Utopia. Which was a funny play on words because in Greek it means something along the lines of “No Place”. So I’m gonna hope you guys know what a utopia is. It’s al perfect and beautiful and all that.

And there was a point to this book about utopia. He made some suggestions in the book about how such a place should be ruled and shtuff, and about how it’s all herpderpy and stuff.

He wrote the book about himself and a sailor and a friend, so it’s kinda hard to tell what’s made up and what isn’t. You see, the sailor was talking to them about an island he found called Utopia. Which is all perfect and stuff. Sorta.

Everyone is the same. Exactly the same. They all grow gardens. They all do the same thing. They all do them at the same time. They all work. They all Read. They all see each other at the same time. They all. Are. The. Same.

Which is only slightly creepy.

So after he wrote this, he had some serious things to keep him busy and went all SUPERPOLITICS MAN mode.

So Tom got knighted! Because the king looked at him and said, “You look more like a Sir than a Thomas to me. Your name is now Sir and Thomas is your middle name. Cool beans yeah? WELL IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK BECAUSE I’M THE KING TROLOLOLO.”

So you see, when Henry insisted that his peeps signed something that said he could get annuled marriage, Sir didn’t want to do it.

And when he asked to say why he didn’t want to sign the paper, he zipped his mouth shut, then locked it with a key, then dug a hole, then buried the key, then built a house on top of the hole where he buried the key, then moved into the house on top of the hole. Obviously. That way he could not be accused of treason because he didn’t actually say anything.

Sir stood his ground. He wasn’t going to sign that paper. But the people found a guy who lied against Sir in court. He said he heard Sir say something treasonous (which is a word, thank you very much.) then he was put to death.

Sir walked on to his execution without a fight, and forgave the guy who lied about him. Which probably means the guy was feeling really really bad about it because he was forgiven. Because right after that Sir was killed.


But Sir Thomas More was declared a saint, and still is to this day.

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