Thursday, December 8, 2011

It's Like a Double Hipster Thing.

So far, we’ve really only looked at Italian artist. But Italy is not the only Arty Hipster country.
Instead of looking at their personal lives and NITTY GRITTY DEETS, we’re just gonna look at some art.
Because you’ll probably never hear about their personal lives.
So let’s start with Jan van Eyke. He lived in Flanders, which is part of modern day Balgium, France, and the Nether-

The Netherlands.
So Van (He goes by his middle name.) put lots and lots of details in his paintings. Like, a lot.
There’s a doggy on the floor. Tehre’s a mirror in the back WITH A REFLECTION IN IT OF THE COUPLES BACK, There’s the slippers on the floor, and it’s pretty much perfect. There’s the perfect features, which, to me, are really creepy. I hate perfect paintings. In fact, I think guy over here looks kinda like that hing from Courage the Cowardly Dog.

Ok. See the guy’s face?
Now. I'm not gonna put a picture because it will haunt your dreams forever, but if you really want to just google "You're not perfect."
Yep. This little guy whispers ad nauseam "You're not perfect." Which is only slightly creepy taken out of context. Er, no, it's till creepy in context. It's from Courage the Cowardly Dog, so that's kinda the point.

His name was Jerome Bosch.
And he went by Hieronymus. And he put in a lot of details, but his weren’t all PERFECTTT, they were just.... weird. He had three frames: Heaven, Earth, and Hell. It was weird. I’m not gonna put it, because it had, well, you know how the Renaissance guys were. But Heaven and Earth were all nice looking, but Hell... Well, it wasn’t. It had Ear monsters and it had fire and it had a big bird rat thing that was eating people and it had a volcano. It didn’t look very nice.

...Let’s move on.
This guy’s name was Albrecht Dürer. He just went by ü. Lower case.
He was from Germany, where art wasn’t really appreciated. So he went to Italy to study perspective and Anatomy.
One of his most famous painting is a pair of hands. That are praying. It’s called the Praying Hands.
They just look like praying hands.
ü was also an engraver. He has some really complex ones, and then you have, you know, grass and a rabbit.
Still, though, he is considered the greatest German artist to ever live.

There is another guy named Pieter Bruegel. I bet you’ve never heard that spelling of Pieter, have you? No. Of course not.
Anyways, he painted the Tower of Babel. It’s the Tower of Babel.
He also painted ordinary life. He liked to paint realistic paintings from winter. Not Like Van, but still.
That was easily the worst ending ever.

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