Monday, October 24, 2011

So. Many. Henrys. =.=

Roses are not known to have great battles. But mother said our lesson is about the War of the Roses.

So it turns out that the War of the Roses was a battle between two families in England. These families were called houses.
So for 30 years, the House of Landcaster and the House of York fought. What did they fight over?
Who got to rule England!
So what’s this got to do with roses? Well, the color of the roses for the York family crest was White, where as the house of Landcaster had red roses.
Let’s review a little history of England!
So for a really tiny island, they have a pretty interesting history. We got Stonehenge. We got the Celts. We got Julius Caesar in ur England givin u Romans. And then the Roman Empire fell. So what happened to England after that? Well, the Celts were there, but they didn’t have the Romans to protect them. So the Angles, Saxons, and Jutes decided to get in on the action.
So these were the legendary days when King Arthur and his nights went around, killing dragons and saving princesses!
And suddenly vikings.
So The king of England decided to tell the vikings about Christ! And for the most part, that worked.
That’s why he has “The Great” before his name.
And William the Conqueror was all “HAY GUYS IT’S 1066 LET’S HAVE A BATTLE~!” So William won said battle and crowned himself king of England.
So a buncha French men moved in, and they brought the Feudal system with them.
So in came the middle ages.
And then the Hundred Years War.
And then the rats came wit the black death.
So, the Landcasters are ruling England. There are three kings named Henry. Henry the 4th, the 5th, and the 6th. We’re just gonna call them 1, 2, and 3. 3 had the problems that led to the awar of the Roses. Shame shame. *tsk tsk tsk*
He was weak and, well, pschyo. He showed signs of insanity, and probably suffered from catatonic schizophrenia. Which means he would go on for days at a time in a coma-like state, would snap back to reality, and would then go mad and throw screaming fits. Yaaay.
So the house of York had wanted to take over for YEARS. And they had their opprotunity. So they went and took over. They won a battle, but they didn’t make their guy the king, because the genius parliament decided to keep the mentally ill king in his position. So the Duke of York was made Lord Protector. Even though he was not king, he w as like the vice-king.
So this arrangement might have gone on, had it not been for the Queen. She was worried about her son. She was worried he wouldn’t inherit the throne, with the Duke of York having so much power and all. So she sent the army on the Duke of York.
And at the battle of Wakefield, she got what she wanted. Mr. Duke was slain in combat. So, in respect for the dead, she had his head mounted on the gates of York to rot in public in front of the townspeople.
Well, the Queen’s message was not as clear as she had hoped. Parliament decided to make the son of the duke of York to be the next king of England.

And his name was Edward.
Now Henry wasn’t dead, he was just... Locked up in the tower of London. The Queen got out of the country, and after a few bloody battles, the house of Lancaster was out of the picture.
But this isn’t the end of the story~!
Edward IV was the king. Everyone The House of York LOVED Edward. However, there was a guy who we’re gonna call Earl. He was the Earl of Warwick, but that’s cumbersome to type. So Earl.
He wanted Henry to be king again.
So Earl decided to break 3 out of the Tower of London. So he did. Henry 3 (or VI.) was out of the Tower of London, and Earl was waiting for his promotion to High Protector or something important like that.
And Edward was worried.
So after two battles, Earl was died, and Edward won. He claimed the throne again, and to prevent Henry from being king, he threw him up in the Tower of London and had him executed. Henry’s wife returned from Ireland, and she was thrown in prison.

Ok. So. House of Lancaster and House of York. Well the House of York...
They had their own battles. With themselves.
In the house of York, there was some sibling rivalry goin’ on. Edward’s two sons and his brother were all fighting over who got the throne. His oldest son got the title, who was 12 at the time.
Well, their uncle did not like that. So what’s the logical thing to do here?
You know, after all this use, I want to know what it looks like. Here is a picture:

Oooh. It’s kinda castleyyy~!
Back to Business.
So, some people speculate that their uncle was doing this out of the kindness of his heart. You know, to protect the boys from the intense politics and all that.
I don’t think that’s right.
The true fate of the boys is still a mystery.
To trouble things further, a few years later, a young man came up and said that he was one of the escaped king. Nobody believed him.
So the House of Lancaster was just kinda watching over here. And they. Were. Terrified. So they made a plan.
So Henry Tutor, or just Henry, stepped in to the picture. He used force against the king. And the king, Richard, had a chance of winning. Until one of his lords switched sides.

So Richard died. And the house of York was gone.
He married a woman within the house of York.
He had hoped to make amends between the two houses. And it worked.
The house of Tutor was formed, and the house of Lancaster and York were dropped. They were now ALL the house of Tutor. Then Henry did something else.
He made bodyguards~!
I can't find a good picture of one because Google images is being a monkey :c
I love those guys.
So, you know ANOTHER thing that he did?
He made on their crest... A two colored rose.
Theee eeennnddd~

No comments:

Post a Comment