I GOTTA FEELIN’ THAT THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG ONE
because were talking about the english civil war
AND IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT A CIVIL WAR IS, THEN GO GOOGLE IT GENIUS.
ok now this was pretty complicated
so two guys!
KING CHARLES I AND OLIVER CROMWELL.
charles thought dictators were cool but it was hard for him to be one and oliver thought they weren’t but it was easy for him
THAT DIDN’T MAKE MUCH SENSE????
ok so a while back we were talking about elizabeth
SHE GOT KNOCKED OFF THE THRONE, AND THEN JAMES I WAS KING.
then he died as people tend to do
HIS SON CAME INTO POWER
his name was charles
AND HE WAS A LOT LIKE HIS DADDY
because he believed in the divine appointment of kings
MEANING HE THOUGHT HE WAS GOD’S GIFT TO HIS COUNTRY BASICALLY
now this is not a bad thing in and of itself but he was also one of those people who
THOUGHT EVERYTHING HE SAID WAS TRUE
ok thats wrong and england didn’t like it
ENGLAND WAS NOW CALLED AN ABSOLUTE MONARCHY.
so the people didnt really have much say in anything at all
NOW THEY COULD NO LONGER ELECT MEMBERS OF PARLIAMENT.
now for those of you who dont know what parliament is go sit over with the “civil war wat” people and just google it
THE KINGS WERE SUPPOSED TO WORK WITH THE PARLIAMENT FOR IMPORTANT STUFF
however guess how many times charlie here called parliament up all like “wat do hlap”
HE DID NOT ASK PARLIAMENT FOR THEIR SAY ON ANYTHING FOR 11 YEARS
this was not a good thing because lots and lots of money was spent on wars
WHAT HAPPENS WHENEVER YOU SPEND LOTSA MONEY ON WAR? TAXES!
thnx king charlie
HE DID CALL PARLIAMENT INTO SESSION ONCE. GUESS WHAT HE SAID. “AHSKDFJHAWKJEHNFKAJSDJ HALP WERE OUT OF MONEY GUYS THIS IS YOUR FAULT”
he had divided the members of parliament into two groups.
THESE TWO GROUPS HE HAD DIVIDED WOULD BE THE PEOPLE THAT LIKED HIM AND THE PEOPLE THAT DIDN’T. THOSE WHO BELONGED TO THE FIRST GROUP WERE CALLED “THE ROYALISTS” OR “THE CAVALIERS”.
they were called the cavaliers because they were. they. were cavaliers. and they liked the king yay question mark no thats a bad thing
AND AGAINST THE KING WERE THE “PARLIAMENTARIANS”. MOST OF THESE WERE PURITANS. THEY WERE NICKNAMED “ROUNDHEADS”
i dont even????? ok apparently they didn’t like the cool hair like the cavaliers and they looked like that one kid from that old nick show
look visual representation
IN 1642 THE PARLIAMENT WAS KIND OF TAKEN OVER BY THE ROUNDHEADS FOR THE NEXT 20 YEARS
this was nicknamed the long parliament
CHARLES HAD NO CONTROL OVER THIS.
and now the war started
THE FIRST WAR WAS HELD IN THE SAME YEAR. IT WAS RATHER SMALL AND NORMAL PEOPLE STAYED OUT OF IT, MORE OR LESS.
however after a while they started getting involved.
THE ROUNDHEADS HAD FARMHANDS AND OTHER WORKING PEOPLE. THE CAVALIERS WERE NOW NOBLES, CATHOLICS... AND THE IRISH???
war raged on for a while
FOUR YEARS, TO BE EXACT. ABOUT TEN PERCENT OF THE POPULATION DIED.
and ok even though this is a civil war the scottish came
NOW THE ROUNDHEADS WERE BEING HELPED BY THE SCOTTISH
in the battle of nayseby some serious stuff went down
IN 1645, CHARLIE RAN AWAY TO... TO. TO SCOTLAND.
uh i dont get it why did he go there???
THIS ENDED THE FIRST CIVIL WAR.
while in scotland, charlie tried to kinda calm the scottish down? that didn’t really work. Nobody trusted him (duh) because he wasn’t really into the whole religious freedom.
THE SCOTTISH TURNED AGAINST CHARLIE
he eventually gathered up a little army.
THEN HE STARTED THE 2ND CIVIL WAR. IT LASTED LESS THAN A YEAR AND ENDED THE SAME WAY AS THE FIRST
lets have some applause for charlie here
CHARLIES WAS CAPTURED THIS TIME, THOUGH, BY THE SCOTTISH. WHO GAVE HIM TO THE ENGLISH. WHO ARRESTED HIM.
ok so these people from parliament showed up
THE PARLIAMENT DECIDED WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO CHARLIE. THEY THOUGHT KILLING HIM WAS A GOOD PLAN.
he was sentenced to death for treason hey at least it wasn’t heresy.
HE WAS PUBLICLY EXECUTED IN 1649.
now this should have ended the war right ok bad guy leader died now lets all sit back and drink tea in the rain and then 30 minutes later it'll snow and then 5 minutes after that it'll get sunny
HOWEVER, THERE WERE STILL TWO SIDES. THE IRISH DECIDED THEY WOULD JOIN THE CAVALIERS, AND THE SCOTTISH THE ROUNDHEADS.
so now that we got this under our belt, what about that other guy?
OLIVER. HE WAS BORN INTO A PURITAN FAMILY AND WAS PRETTY NORMAL.
he was a pretty chill guy who didn’t like politics much
THEN HIS BUDDIES SENT HIM OFF TO PARLIAMENT.
he had no training.
AND HE WAS A ROUNDHEAD, EVEN THOUGH HE WAS A PURITAN. AND HE WAS ALSO A GENERAL. AND A SOLDIER. AND A STATESMAN.
even though he was poorly educated he was still really really good at those things
AND HE ALSO MADE SURE HIS SOLDIERS PRAYED AND WORSHIPED GOD.
because he believed that would make them good soldiers
THEY WERE NEVER BEATEN, EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE USUALLY OUTNUMBERED.
and even though he was really awesome and stuff bad things happened
A MASSACRE HAPPENED.
CROMWELL DECIDED TO KILL A BUNCH OF IRISH. INCLUDING CIVILIANS. AND MOSTLY CATHOLIC PRIESTS. AND BY NOW ABOUT 2/3 OF IRELAND WAS IN ENGLAND’S HANDS. 600,000 PEOPLE DIED FROM EITHER DISEASE, STARVATION, OR JUST STRAIGHT UP MURDER/WAR.
gee cromwell sounds great
HE CALLED THIS GOD’S JUDGEMENT
oh even better
EVENTUALLY, HE HELPED PARLIAMENT ESTABLISH A COMMONWEALTH.
go join your civil war and parliament buddies at google. it’s fine. no rush. i’ll wait here.
THIS WAS GOOD FOR A TEMPORARY SOLUTION. BUT THEN OLIVE KINDA OVERTHREW THE COMMONWEALTH AND TRIED OUT A NEW PLAN.
he made this new form of government
THIS WAS CALLED A PROTECTORATE. WHICH WAS BASED ON A WRITTEN CONSTITUTION. GUESS WHO THE OVERSEER WAS?
NICE GOIN’ OLIVE.
now the puritans were happy because they were ruled over by a puritan
HE MADE SOME MORAL LAWS THE LINED UP WITH HIS PERSONAL BELIEFS AND THESE WERE CALLED “BLUE LAWS”
because they were printed on blue paper
NOW HE WAS PRETTY OK MOST OF THE TIME, BUT HE STARTED KINDA ACTING YOU KNOW LIKE AN ABSOLUTE MONARCH???
wow hey standing ovation
HE STARTED KIND OF LIVING LIKE A KING.
some called him a dictator (hint he kinda was.)
HE KEPT HIS POSITION FOR 15 YEARS.
it was pretty hard on him because it was hard to keep everyone happy.
HE WAS NEARLY ASSASSINATED ACTUALLY AND LOTS OF PEOPLE REALLY REALLY HATED HIM.
then there was another change of government!
THEY GOT A KING BACK
BUT NOT BEFORE ANOTHER CIVIL WAR.
I SCREWED IT UP SIGH I HAD ALL THE IMPORTANT STUFF IN CAPS AND THE LESS IMPORTANT IN NOT AND THEN I HAD TO SCREW EVERYTHING UP SIGH OK OH WELL ALRIGHT IT’S THE END ANYWAY
CLIFFHANGER I GUESS