mom has specifically stated that i can’t but any bad jokes in here
SO ANYONE HERE FROM THE GREAT STATE OF CONNECTICUT?
I SURE HOPE SO. BECAUSE YOUR STATE WAS FOUNDED BY A GUY NAMED THOMAS HOOKER
SO HE WAS BORN IN ENGLAND. and he was a puritan. sort of. then he went to college and was a super puritan and started preaching
BUT HE JUST SO HAPPENED TO BE LIVING AT THE TIME WHEN THE ENGLISH CHURCH REALLY DIDN’T LIKE PURITANS.
and there was this mean archbishop who didn’t like him at all and tom here quit preaching but the guy was still like “NO I’MMA ARREST YOU BECAUSE I’M STUPID.”
So Tom went to the netherlands~!
but he was like “meh” so he WENT TO AMERICA.
but the archbishop still didn’t like him and actually followed him for a while until tom went out to sea
AND HE WENT THERE ON A SHIP NAMED THE GRIFFON. AND HE LIKED IT SORTA. HE WAS FORCED TO LIKE IT FOR 8 WEEKS, ACTUALLY. WHICH IS WHEN HE GOT TO SHORE.
so he kinda settled down in massachusetts for a little
THEN HE HAD A FIGHT WITH JOHN WINTHROP, THE GOVERNOR.
but what were they fighting over exactly
OK SO JOHN GOT ELECTED TO BE GOVERNOR LIKE 500 TIMES AND TOM WAS LIKE “UH THIS COULD BE A PROBLEM LATER. I MEAN IT’S NOT A PROBLEM NOW BECAUSE WE ALL LIKE YOU BUT”
because john had some sort of law or somethin’ that only members of the puritan church could vote
ok now on paper this is a good idea but it went something like
“HEY, YOU DON’T BELIEVE EXACTLY WHAT I DO? PFFT TOO BAD YOU DON’T GET AN OPINION THEN!”
which was kinda ok because almost everyone was a puritan and the rest were strangers so
NOW WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED FROM HISTORY.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN CHURCH AND GOVERNMENT MIX?
THAT’S RIGHT, PERSECUTION~!
the head of the church and the head of the government WERE THE SAME PEOPLE.
This was also the case in English. The exact. Same. Thing.
HEY GUYS WE LEFT EVERYTHING ABOUT OUR OLD LIVES BEHIND AND WE’RE GOING TO DO THE EXACT SAME THING HERE EXCEPT I’M RIGHT AND THEY’RE WRONG THAT MAKES IT OK.
now hooker here was like “uh excuse me this is a bad idea or at least it could be”
HE HAD THE IDEA OF SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE!
and he’s probably turning somersaults in his grave right now
SO HE LEFT WITH ABOUT 100 SETTLERS TO START HIS OWN COLONY.
which was connecticut dear people who forgot
THE LAND THERE WAS REALLY GOOD AND THAT WAS GOOD
THERE WERE THREE SETTLEMENTS. ONE TWO THREE. AND THEY WERE FAR ENOUGH AWAY FROM MASSACHUSETTS TO ALL COME TOGETHER AND START THEIR OWN COLONY. AND THE KING OF ENGLAND WAS LIKE “YEAH THAT’S COOL GO FOR IT GUYS”
he and some guys wrote down their ideas of freedom into “The Fundamental Orders of Connecticut” which was pretty cool
ALSO THE FOUNDER OF AMERICAN DEMOCRACY WAS THIS GUY. SO A LOT OF PEOPLE SAY, AT LEAST.
THINGS SOUND PRETTY NICE HERE RIGHT
nope suddenly indians
ONE TRIBE CALLED THE
CALLED THE PEQUOTS DIDN’T LIKE THESE PEOPLE.
some murder went down
some 9 murderers went down
and then some arson went down on the pequots
and also some murder of 400+ women, children, and men
colonists guys no don’t burn down villages
don’t kill 400+ people
bad ending mode activate