LONG LESSON WITH PICTURES AND FACES AND COOL STUFF.

SO THERE WAS THIS GUY WHO YOU MAY HAVE HEARD OF AND HE WAS ALSO A PAINTER ARTIST GUY

Aaaa it’s just like that one time when we all the artists this is fun

EXCEPT HE WASN’T A RENNASANCE GUY. AND HE ALSO WASN’T A BAROQUE ARTIST. WHICH WE WILL TALK ABOUT LATER.

so his full name was

Rembrandt Harmenszoon van Rijn.

now i dont know about you guys but that is the best name ever

SO HE WAS FROM HOLLAND. AND WAS ALSO A PROTESTANT WE THINK. AND HE SPOKE LATIN unlike his other brothers and sisters because they weren’t as smart as he was whoops

and he also dropped out of university

well this is awkward.

SO HIS PARENTS WERE DISAPPOINTED WITH HIM BUT THEY WERE STILL LIKE “KAY”

also he really liked to paint himself

he really liked to paint himself

he really liked to paint himself

NOW THIS PROBABLY WAS NOT DUE TO BEING LIKE “I’M AWESOME” HE WAS JUST THE MOST READILY AVAILABLE SUBJECT

LIKE. HE WAS ACTUALLY REALLY SHY AND QUIET. SO.

HE ALSO LIKED TO PAINT HIS SISTER. AND HIS MOTHER. AND HIS WIFE. AND HIS WIFE NUMBER 2.

Well I guess that one didn’t work out.

SO LET’S TALK ABOUT BAROQUE ART.

originally baroque was kinda an insult. because they were like “uh guys you can’t beat michelangelo and leonardo and ~raphael~”

but then they were like “pfft uh yeah”

anyway lets look at some baroque stuff

check out this statue.

it’s david.

dat face.

just

just

anyway baroque was a really different kind of art like it was really elaborate and pretty and stuff

well not pretty necessarily, but it was just. yeah. and kinda over the top. yep.

so also you guys remember the catholics

WELL NOBODY READ LATIN SO THEY COULDN’T READ THE BIBLE. SO THE CATHOLICS JUST PAINTED IT. PAINTED. LIKE. THE BIBLE. which worked apparently ok

anyway baroque was so popular it’s just kind of gained a new meaning as a word like anything really big and extravagant is called baroque now

SO ANYWAY. REMBRANDT. He was in the Netherlands, which was kinda into the whole religious freedom thing. But the area he was in was mostly Protestant. So the art there was a little different since it wasn’t being totally pushed by the Catholic Church.

which makes sense. so e wasn’t really following that style totally since he didn’t have to???

ANYWAY. REMBRANDT WAS THE MOST FAMOUS ARTIST THAT DIDN’T ROLL WITH THE BAROQUE STUFF

basically he was a hipster

but we’ll get to that later

ANYWAY. HE LIKED TO PAINT REALISTIC PORTRAITS. AND DRAWINGS. AND SHTUFF.

yep

SO HE MOVED TO AMSTERDAM. THEN HE MOVED BACK TO LEIDEN. HIS HOME. and he was kinda his own boss yep

anyway he used a lot of light stuff. light up front and like black in the back. he was pretty cool. people liked him sorta.

THEN HE MOVED BACK TO AMSTERDAM.

people liked paintings there. he was doing pretty well.

also doctors

they liked to be painted

while they dissected people

like this

YOU SEE LOOK TA-DA THIS IS A REALLY FAMOUS ONE HERE CALLED THE ANATOMY LESSON OF DOCTOR NICOLAES TULP.

yep

so this picture everyone really liked it like everyone i dont even know

ANYWAY HE WAS ANNOYED WITH PEOPLE SOMETIMES

because there were lots of rich people who liked to be painted ALL STUCK UP LOOKING but remmy didn’t really like that

AND THEN HE GOT TO PAINT SOME BIBLE STUFF

YAY?

so anyway he met this chick

her name was saskia

well call her sass because i can

AND THEY FELL IN LOVE~

so then they were gon get married

yay

AND THEN THEY DID.

And after they got married he just painted her all the time

and also their baby

and everything

and people were like “uh this isnt baroque bro”

well apparently he just didn’t care cause he went on painting her

AND HE WAS RICH ALSO. MAYBE THAT IS WHY HE DIDN’T CARE.

because this is getting too happy, let’s talk about how his three kids died

so he had three kids

and they died

this affected him but i dont really know why huh

and then he moved out of his house! To a different part of town!

AND HE WAS SURROUNDED BY JEWS.

k.

anyway he was p cool and wasn’t like “ew jews” but more like “TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF”

anyway guess what

he painted them

because they lived next to him

sigh

REMMY CAN YOU NOT GET ANYONE ELSE BESIDES YOUR CLOSE FRIENDS AND FAMILY

also by the way

his wife died :D

so basically he was really really sad all the time and nobody liked to hang around him

anyway so he got commissioned to do this really big painting

and it was pretty baroque but remmy was still like “no i’m not into baroque i promise”

AND THEN HE FELL IN LOVE WITH THIS OTHER CHICK NAMED...

hendrickje?

we’ll name her hen

i like that name

SO SHE WAS HIS MAID.

oh.

also she was a ginger

BUT! REMMY WAS GETTING POOR.

because he couldn’t money.

SO HE GOT IN DEBT

remmy no that’s not how you money right

K

HE STARTED BORROWING MONEY FROM FRIENDS WHICH HE NEVER REPAID

STUPID STUPID DUMB STUPID

anyway remmy painted his kids a lot too

and then his other wife died

whoops

he never really got over it

then his son died

DUDE

poor guy

people kinda forgot about him

he painted 600 paintings, 300 etchings, and 1,400 drawings.

wow.

and then nobody really came to his funeral.

welp

the

the

the end.

oh.

I CAN'T TITLES ANYMORE FORGIVE ME.

so were gon talk about the jews today

and LET’S DO A QUICK OVERVIEW.

SO THE JEWISH PEOPLE THE ISRAELITES LOST THEIR LAND THIS ONE TIME. ISRAEL. THEY LOST IT. COULDN’T FIND IT.

THEN IN 70 A.D. THE ROMANS BLEW UP THE TEMPLE OR SOMETHIN LIKE THAT.

AND THEY WENT TO MASADA. THEY. BEING. THE JEWISH PEOPLE. BUT. BUT THEY DIDN’T REALLY SURVIVE BECAUSE A BUNCH OF OTHER JEWS THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO CIVIL WAR BUT THAT WAS STUPID

AND THE MIDDLE AGES SUDDENLY TURKS REMEMBER THEM AND THEN THE CRUSADES. WHEN CHRISTIANS FOUGHT MUSLIMS. THIS FAILED MISERABLY. YAY CHRISTIANS.

THEN THE JEWS STARTED DOING PRETTY WELL. OK. SOME. MOST DIDN’T. A LOT OF PEOPLE KINDA HATED THEM.

AND NOW WE’RE IN THE RENNAISANCE. RENNISANCE. RENAISSANCE. THERE.

so a lot of people were pretty mean to the jewish people. which. wasn’t nice. well duh that was really unnecessary uh.

so this one time in 1606 these portugese monks that were really nice decided it’d be a great idea to massacre a bunch of jews wait what

and then these people in italy just kinda grouped all the jews in this one place called a ghetto.

OK GUYS, YOU CAN LIVE HERE, AND WE’RE GOING TO CREATE THIS NICE AND PRETTY LITTLE PLACE FOR YOU GUYS TO LIVE OK SOUNDS GOOD.

no it was TERRIBLE.

5,000 gravestones of jews were gotten rid of in germany so they could build other stuff with them. and 800 had to leave the country. 800 people, that is. not. not 800 tombstones.

yeah.

nobody really liked these people. at. at all.

Except for the Ottomans! They were pretty nice to the Jews over there.

And in India, a ghetto was destroyed just because!

oh wait no that isn’t a good thing at all uh

and this one african place also got invaded by the spanish and they got rid of a bunch of ghettos

and ivan the terrible killed over 300 people just because they were jewish

uh

and pope paul the fourth had a bunch of ghettos and locked them all in there at night and wouldn’t let them have more than one synagogue and made them all wear the same clothes and

welp

In Mexico, 200 or so were burned at the stake. 10 people in Peru were punished for being Jewish. and in 1615, all the jews were kicked out of france. the english had been lead to believe that the jews were money counterfeiters and child murderers by a man named William Pryne. Remember him? Yep.

10 years later, the Russians murdered and tortured 34,000 people. Because they were Jewish.

OK BAD THINGS ARE OVER BEGIN READING HERE IF YOU DIDN’T READ UP THERE.

There were some places in the world were people loved the Jews! Morocco was like HEY GUYS C’MERE IT’S FINE OVER HERE.

And remember Charles V? The Holy Roman Emperor? Yeah. He was cool with them being in the Netherlands. And in Poland, the Jews were actually given a charter of freedom. And about half a million lived there by 1648.

wow.

Suleman liked Jews, too. He was like HEY GUYS YOU WANT GOVERNMENT POSITIONS I’LL GIVE THEM TO YOU. BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.

Denmark was also cool with them. There was a big giant Synagogue in Amsterdam. And in England they were welcomed back eventually. And most of the colonies in North America were like HEY GUYS WE NEED PEOPLE BECAUSE WITHOUT THEM WE’LL DIE.

The jews also worked. Really. Really hard. And they also had a big focus on family and customs and stuff. AND THEY ALSO HAD THEIR OWN LANGUAGE THAT THEY MADE. CALLED YIDDISH. WHICH YOU’RE PROBABLY AWARE OF. LIKE. YEAH. I DON’T KNOW?????

So the Jewish people were also still hopeful. Yeah. Even though they were like. Really. Really oppressed they kinda.

SO. I’LL. AWKWARDLY.

END.

END THIS.

HERE.

SOME IMPORTANT THINGS YES GOOD TITLE PURITANS ARE COOL

SO THE PURITANS.

AND THE SEPARATISTS.

they werent happy with the church.

the Church of England, that is.

AND THE SEPARATISTS SAILED OVER HERE TO ‘MERICUH AND SUDDENLY PILGRIMS

so what about the puritans

These guys were the ones that wanted to fix the Church. And some of them did sail over the America. The Boston.

AND THEY DID THAT BECAUSE JOHN

all dese johns uh

THEY DID THAT BECAUSE WINTHROP.

k das beter

SO THIS GUY WAS ENGLISH.

and so about the time that winthrop here was old enough to like make his own decisions suddenly king charles

who didnt like puritans

at all

or the separatists

BUT BASICALLY JOHN DIDN’T WANNA BE A SEPARATIST

But if the Puritans kept. Like. Being Puritans. Then they could get in trouble

SO THE IDEA OF LEAVING THE COUNTRY STARTED SOUNDING REALLY NICE.

winthrop and some other guys went up the king charles all like hey can we just like leave so we can

uh

fish

that is the only thing were gonna do were just gonna fish ok

SO CHARLES WAS LIKE YEAH SURE WHY NOT GET OUT

And before anyone ever actually left they picked Winthrop to be their governor.

das coo

AND THEN THEY WENT TO SALEM. IN 1630. WOW LOOK ITS A DATE REMEMBER THIS STUFF

1630

THEY LEFT ENGLAND. IN THE SPRING.

this was a really really really big group of people ok

the biggest, actually.

like. seriously. 700.

which was a lot. it was the largest one that had ever sailed at the time ever.

BUT

so they left derp

They were pretty good at the whole living thing though. Because they were really nice to each other. HEY WE SHOULD ALL BE PURITANS what ok anyway

So John preached some before they left. And a lot of people heard. And then a lot of people were like THESE GUYS ARE PRETTY COOL WE SHOULD LEAVE THE COUNTRY TOO.

yeah.

BUT AFTER 72 DAYS AT SEA THEY FINALLY GOT THERE

and were really confused because there were only some huts and some tents on the beach

which werent really enough for 700 people

and there were only 82 people living there because over half the population had died or left

whoops

BUT IT WASN’T THE END OF THE WORLD BECAUSE THE PURITANS WERE REALLY HARD WORKING PEOPLE UNLIKE THOSE IN JAMESTOWN. LIKE. IT WAS LITERALLY A PART OF THEIR RELIGION TO WORK. THEY WERE LIKE. YEAH LETS WORK. EVERYWHERE. ALL THE TIME.

yeah. forget that idea about becoming puritans uh

AND THEY WERE REALLY SUCCESSFUL.

and in the fall he moved to boston. which he helped build.

SO YOU KNOW HARVARD

6 YEARS AFTER THE PURITANS GOT THERE THEY BUILT IT

6 YEARS

6 YEARS

THAT IS REALLY REALLY FAST OK.

education was also really really important to the puritans also. like. these werent the LOL CANT READ OR WRITE BUT WORK REAL GOOD people no they were really smart also

das real coo

also this law that was made in the new world was pretty cool too i think

If a town has 50 families, they needed a teacher. To teach the students about Christianity.

And it was called the “Old Deluder Satan Act”

welp

THIS IS ACTUALLY P COOL GOOGLE IT SERIOUSLY IT’S AWESOME

and the puritans were also pretty cool. a lot of people don’t really get that? they’re like THEY WERE BORING AND STUCK OP no man the puritans were rad ok

SO WHAT ABOUT THE INDIANS.

Basically they were also pretty cool with the Indians. They shared Christianity with them and everyone was pretty happy. They also continued on surviving, and John Winthrop was elected governor ELEVEN TIMES

the Puritans in the new world went up to TWENTY FIVE THOUSAND

yep

basically

they did everything pretty well.

the end.

I'M BACK AND STILL AWESOME AT TITLES.

SO THIS GUY

HE LIKED GRAVITY

but we are not talking about sir isaac newton no not yet

WE ARE TALKING ABOUT GALILEO GALILEI

galgal was born on the same day the michelangelo died. yep.

AND WHEN HE WAS LITTLE GALGAL WAS PRETTY GOOD AT THE GREEK AND AT THE LATIN AND AT THE ART AND STUFF

and basically when he got older galgal realized that he likes science a lot.

so he went to this university. in pisa. like. as in. the leaning tower of pisa.

BUT HIS FAMILY DID NOT HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO LET HIM FINISH HIS STUDIES.

so he just started a self study in math

and he invented this thing

CALLED THE HYDROSTATIC BALANCE.

and that is the thing that measures the specific gravity of an object in water. das p. cool ok

AND WHEN HE WAS 25 HE WENT BACK TO THE UNIVERSITY OF PISA.

Butttt he was not a student. He was a teacher. A math teacher. Yeah.

AND WHILE HE WAS TEACHING, HE CAME UP WITH HIS MOST FAMOUS THEORY CALLED THE LAW OF FALLING BODIES.

now dont freak out about this ok

bodies means like

anything.

not necessarily like bodies bodies like corpses but like ok nevermind i’ll go over here.

BASICALLY HE SAID THAT EVERYTHING HITS THE GROUND AT THE SAME TIME. IF THAT MAKES SENSE. Like. You drop a 10 pound ball and a 1 pound ball at the same time and they hit the ground at the same time.

HOWEVER MOST PEOPLE DID NOT LIKE THIS THEORY.

He even got kicked out of his university at one point. Uh. Yeah. So he moved to a different one! And eventually he kinda went past Francis Bacon in philosomeness. And actually doing the work. He did a bunch of stuff like connected math and science together. And Philosophy.

AND IN 1609 HE MADE A TELESCOPE.

At least, he made it strong enough to see stars. see them well, at least.

AND HE LIKED TO LOOK AT THEM A LOT. AND HE ALSO NAMED SOME STUFF. like. some planets. like. four of the moons of Jupiter. And Galgal also realized that the moon did not give off it’s own light.

THAT’S PRETTY COOL. BECAUSE. REALIZE THAT EVERYONE EVER THOUGHT THAT THE MOON WAS IT’S OWN SOURCE OF LIGHT. LIKE. NOBODY EVER HAD THIS IDEA. EVER.

he also realized that the moon was bumpy. instead of smooth. like aristotle thought.

GALGAL ALSO MADE THE FIRST COMPOUND MICROSCOPE. YEAH. THAT’S PRETTY COOL. And he also made a thermometer. And a cannon which was better than everyone elses.

AND A DINGLE HOPPER.

Er. A fork. And a comb. At once. Like. A fork-comb. Even though forks are already like combs but like i guess if you were /really busy/ you could

comb your hair

and eat

with your

fork comb.

ANYWAY. GALGAL HAD THE UNFORNTUNATE TIMING TO LIVE AT THE SAME TIME THAT THE CHURCH HAD A LOT OF POWER. MEANING. THEY DIDN’T LIKE GALGAL A LOT. AT. ALL.

and then in 1632 some stuff happened

that

made the catholics really mad

because ok so Mr. P-to-da-ope asked the galileo write a book about heliocentric vs. geocentric solar systems

and one of the people in this book was kinda really obviously supposed to be the pope

and the book was kinda pointing to the heliocentric view

and made the geocentric view look stupid

SO THEY PUT HIM ON TRIAL BY THE INQUISITION.

His ideas were considered heresy! Yay!

HOWEVER, THE INQUISITION WAS MORE LENIENT.

NOTE: SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT HE WAS TORTURED. THIS IS FALSE. HE WAS FINE. HE WAS JUST IMPRISIONED FOR LIKE A YEAR AND HAD TO TELL EVERYONE THAT HE WAS WRONG.

yep.

they were nicer to heretics by now.

so also in the last few years of his life he kinda went blind

he turned to music instead.

then we went deaf

welp.

and.

and then he died.

uhm.

THE END.

THIS GUY IS MUCH COOLER THAN THIS POST PINKY PROMISE

RENE DESCARTES

SO YOU GUYS KNOW THAT THING

“I think, therefore I am.”

OF COURSE YOU DO.

So this guy. He was French. And also good at math and stuff.

so when he was a kid he almost died whoops

but then he didn’t.

So he was kinda a weaky frail boy but. He hung with some monks, and then he joined the army in Holland. In 1618.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED IN 1618.

it was the beginning of the 30 years war

So he never actually went into combat????? but he did travel all over the place????

which was kinda what he wanted to do anyway so das coo

AND THEN HE MET THIS GUY WHO LIKED THE MATHS

so basically there was this thing which may or may not have actually happened uh

THE CARTESIAN COORDINATE SYSTEM.

so this one time while Rene was chillin he saw a fly. wow dude this is intense.

so he thought WHAT IF I CAN PLOT THIS FLY WITH TWO NUMBERS

meaning he was gon graph dat fly.

yep.

AND HE MOVED A WHOLE LOT. AND HE THOUGHT. A LOT. AND HE STARTED TO REALLY REALLY LIKE PHILOSOPHY. AND HE WAS LIKE “SKEPTICS ARE STUPID”

and a lot of people liked being skeptics ok

and they thought the old ones like plato and aristotle were really stupid because LOL THEY DIDN’T KNOW THE NEW WORLD EXISTED THEY STUPID

So there were the skeptics who had some whacked out version of brain-in-a-jar syndrome who were like “I DON’T EXISTS”

and thats when rene said “I think, therefore I am.”

right right ok.

and he also thought God existed because “A good God would never create man to think God existed if he did not.” and that “A perfect God could not come from the minds of an imperfect man.”

welp

SO DUALISM.

THE DISTICTION BETWEEN BODY AND MIND.

DAS P COO.

SINCE THE SENSES CAN’T BE TRUSTED, THIS ME, THAT IS TO SAY, THE SOUL BY WHICH I AM WHAT I AM, IS ENTIRELY DISTINCT FROM THE BODY.

lol idk

so anyway then he died

a week after he got pnumonia

pnuonima

pneumonia

there we go.

the

end????

this was a terrible post im sorry ahahaha.

SQUANTOOOO

SO YOU GUYS REMEMBER THE GUY WE TALKED ABOUT FOR A SECOND LAST TIME?

Squanto.

Sqqquaaannttooo.

Just. Just. Just do me a favour and say that out loud. Because it sounds great ok.

SO ANYWAY.

A lot more ships and stuff were sent over than the Mayflower and this Waymouth guy came and captured some Indians. 5 of them. And one of them was Squanto~!

bet you didn’t see that coming right

uh so ANYWAY THIS WAYMOUTH GUY GAVE HIS INDIANS OVER TO ENGLAND.

and they were used as like mascots ok. and they were probably treated actually pretty well???? And they even got to leave after a little bit. Except for Squanto and this other guy.

THEN HE MET JOHN SMITH.

that just so happened to me the same time pocahontas was getting married ahahaaha what no that is not funny one bit

SO JOHN LEFT ENGLAND AND TOOK SQUANTO WITH HIM AND SAID HE’D GIVE HIM BACK TO HIS TRIBE.

But John wasn’t really the most reliable guy right. So Squanto chilled with John for. A. Really long time. But he did get to go back to his tribe!

after the entire tribe was lured onto the ship though whoops

And basically there was this other guy that wasn’t John. He took them to Spain and was pretty much really mean to them, and was going to sell them into slavery.

THEN THEY MET SOME MONKS.

and you know what monks do.

THEY TAUGHT SQUANTO ABOUT JESUS YAY

and then Squanto met this guy who took him to London. Which was cool, because he knew England pretty well. And then he was asked to sail with some guys BACK TO AMERICA. And he said yes.

and then the captain of the ship recognized squanto lol whoops?????

AND HE WAS TOLD TO BRING SQUANTO BACK TO ENGLAND.

So one more time he was going to go back to America. And they were going to scout around Plymouth, which. You know. Just so happened to be where he used to live.

but

but

but basically



yeah

He showed up and THERE WAS NOBODY THERE BECAUSE THEY ALL DIED.

yep.

BUT THERE WAS THIS OTHER GUY NAMED SAMOSET THAT CAME ALONG LIKE “SQUANTO COME WITH ME”

and he did

So for a year he just chilled with these Indians for a little. And then he met the Pilgrims. And he didn’t really leave them.

AND HE TAUGHT THEM A WHOLE LOT OF STUFF BECAUSE THE PILGRIMS WERE KINDA SLOW AND DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO NOT DIE

and he taught them a lot about

everything

like gardening and scavenging and hunting and stuff.

AND THEN THANKSGIVING

it lasted 3 days and it was this big giant party. AND EVERYONE WAS INVITED. EVERYONE. IT WAS LIKE A GIANT POTLUCK AND EVERYTHING.

And there were also lots of people who wrote about it so yeah.

BUT LOL NO THEY DIDN’T LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER THE NEXT WINTER AND SPRING A LOT OF PEOPLE DIED

yep

Squanto was a pretty cool guy though. Usually. He helped the Pilgrims a lot, but he spread some rumours and got in trouble.

THEN HE GOT REALLY SICK.

And died.

Wow ok that

was sudden uhm.

i’ll just.

AMERICA MAGICS AND COOL PEOPLE

SO TODAY WE’S TALKIN’ ‘BOUT ‘MERICA ‘GAIN.

the pilgrims, specifically.

SO REMEMBER THE SERPERTARTRARAAERSATISTS? THOSE PEOPLE?

These were those people.

BUT WHY

because they wanted a nice little thing called

RELIGIOUS FREEDOM.

Now, a lotta people had come over looking for a little place called

CHINA. AND IF YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT CHINA, YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO GET THERE.

The Mayflower!

IT WENT FROM PLYMOUTH, ENGLAND TO NEW PLYMOUTH, MASSACHUSETTS.

and it started when these people were let’s start our own church yo. because ur not doin it rite so we’re

TAKING THINGS INTO OUR OWN HANDS

which they did. In Scrooby, England.

THREE GUYS. WILLIAM BREWSTER, WILLIAM BRADFORD, AND JOHN ROBINSON.

the king was this dude named

JAMES THE FIRST

james the first

KING OF ENGLAND

and when he was king there was a lot of hate for people who were anti-Church of England yep. which means persecution.

AND SO THESE THREE GUYS HAD TO MEET IN SECRET.

and church members were like getting all spied on and stuff. a few got tortured and stuff.

NO BIGGIE.

so the three people were like

TIME TO GO

so they moved to Holland!

WAIT NO THEY DIDN’T

that was their plan. they did not move to holland actually. it didn’t work whoops.

BASICALLY THEIR PLOT TO LEAVE GOT DISCOVERED AND THEY WERE THROWN IN PRISON. ACTUALLY A LOT OF PEOPLE GOT THROWN IN JAIL.

so there was another attempt to leave but it failed again

THEN THEY JUMPED ON A SHIP AND LEFT YEP.

but the authorities stopped the women and children???? wat

THEN THEY GOT LET GO LATER YAY AND EVERYONE WENT TO AMSTERDAM ABOUT THE SAME TIME JOHN SMYTH WAS THERE.

and then about 100 moved to Leiden. In Holland. And even though it wasn’t home, they had religious freedom. Which was nice.

THINGS STARTED TO STOP GOING AS SMOOTHLY AS THEY WANTED IT TO, THOUGH.

The people worked in factories instead of on farms. And they started. Like. Turning. Dutch. Instead of English. Which nobody liked.

AND BREWSTER WAS KIND OF IN TROUBLE FOR WRITING AND SENDING RELIGIOUS STUFF OVER TO ENGLAND.

whoops

SO THE SEPARATISTS DECIDED TO RELOCATE

they kinda just sailed over to america then and it wasn’t that bad.

BREWSTER WAS THE GUY WHO KINDA LED THE THING.

some merchants provided a boat called the Speedwell and failed over to England.

ROBINSON STAYED IN HOLLAND.

so they were in england and some Strangers (capitalized) were like HAY CAN WE COME WITH

BY THE WAY, STRANGERS ARE BASICALLY ADVENTUROUS BUSINESSMEN

this weird group over here were called the pilgrims. and theres something here not like fitting right ok

BUT ANYWAY THEY STARTED OUT WITH TWO BOATS. THE SPEEDWELL AND THE MAYFLOWER.

but you’ve probably never heard of the speedwell have you. have you. have you?

NO. YOU HAVEN’T. THAT’S BECAUSE IT WAS OLD AND BASICALLY “LOLNOPE”

so just the mayflower went

BUT MOST PEOPLE GOT ALONG PRETTY WELL

and after 65 days at sea they saw land

LAND LANDLANDNLANDLNAL LAND LAND LAND LANDLANDLAND LAND LANDLANDNLANDLAND

• LAND
• lAnD
• laND
• LAND
• LANDLANDlandakandkWASKDJFHLAND

yeah they found some land

in massetchuses or however you spell it

INSTEAD OF VIRGINIA, WHERE THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO LAND. BUT THE SHORE WAS REALLY ROCKY AND WINDY AND STUFF.

and so some guys signed the Mayflower Compact. Which said they were going to be “Self governed.”

“SELF GOVERNED”

and since they weren’t in Virginia, they weren’t under Virginia laws.

THEY NEEDED TO MAKE SOME LAWS THEN.

and so they wrote some and there was this guy they elected to be their first governer.

HIS NAME WAS JOHN CARVER.

and the Mayflower Compact being signed doesn’t really sound like a big deal??????

YEAH IT IS. IT REALLYREALLY IS. REALLY REALLY REALLY IS OK. IT WAS A BIGIBIGBIGBIGBGIGIGBIG DEAL YO. SRS BZNZ

the serparatists did

NOT IMPOSE THEIR FAITH AND RELIGION ON THE STRANGERS AND THE STRANGERS DID NOT FORCE THE SEPARATISTS INTO ANYTHING.

these people know what they’re doing.

SO THERE’S THIS GUY.

His names was Myles Standish. And he met the Separatists back in Lieden.

AND THEY VOTED HIM TO BE THE FIRST CAPTAIN.

but he wasn’t very good at native americans

MEANING HE KILLED THEM.

anyway after like 5 weeks he finally found a nice place for everyone to settle down

AND THEY DID SO.

the official date of their landing was December 26th, 1620.

THERE’S A ROCK AT PLYMOUTH WHERE A LOT OF PEOPLE SAY THEY LANDED.

and unlike Jamestown, everyone was working nice and hard and stuff which is good

WINTER WAS REALLY HARD THOUGH BECAUSE EVERYBODY GOT SICK EXCEPT FOR 7 OF THEM LIKE SERIOUSLY THATS 102 PEOPLE MINUS SEVEN THAT’S SICK.

and 42 people died whoops

SO THERE WAS THIS INDIAN NAMED “SAMOSET”

and he said “welcome englishmen welcome englishmen”

JUST LIKE THAT AND THEY’RE LIKE “WAT”

because he was speaking english

AND HE BROUGHT THEM THIS GUY SQUANTO WHO SPOKE ENGLISH PRETTY WELL

and then he brought them the chief yep. he was nice though it’s cool calm yoself nothing bad happens

AND THIS GUY SQUANTO IS REALLY IMPORT AND WE’RE GONNA HAVE A WHOLE POST ON HIM HE’S PRETTY KICKIN

and in april of 1621 their governor died.

AND BRADFORD GOT TO BE THE NEW GOVERNOR AND HE WAS REALLY GOOD AT IT OK

well yeah

THE END????