LONG LESSON WITH PICTURES AND FACES AND COOL STUFF.

SO THERE WAS THIS GUY WHO YOU MAY HAVE HEARD OF AND HE WAS ALSO A PAINTER ARTIST GUY

Aaaa it’s just like that one time when we all the artists this is fun

EXCEPT HE WASN’T A RENNASANCE GUY. AND HE ALSO WASN’T A BAROQUE ARTIST. WHICH WE WILL TALK ABOUT LATER.

so his full name was

Rembrandt Harmenszoon van Rijn.

now i dont know about you guys but that is the best name ever

SO HE WAS FROM HOLLAND. AND WAS ALSO A PROTESTANT WE THINK. AND HE SPOKE LATIN unlike his other brothers and sisters because they weren’t as smart as he was whoops

and he also dropped out of university

well this is awkward.

SO HIS PARENTS WERE DISAPPOINTED WITH HIM BUT THEY WERE STILL LIKE “KAY”

also he really liked to paint himself

he really liked to paint himself

he really liked to paint himself

NOW THIS PROBABLY WAS NOT DUE TO BEING LIKE “I’M AWESOME” HE WAS JUST THE MOST READILY AVAILABLE SUBJECT

LIKE. HE WAS ACTUALLY REALLY SHY AND QUIET. SO.

HE ALSO LIKED TO PAINT HIS SISTER. AND HIS MOTHER. AND HIS WIFE. AND HIS WIFE NUMBER 2.

Well I guess that one didn’t work out.

SO LET’S TALK ABOUT BAROQUE ART.

originally baroque was kinda an insult. because they were like “uh guys you can’t beat michelangelo and leonardo and ~raphael~”

but then they were like “pfft uh yeah”

anyway lets look at some baroque stuff

check out this statue.

it’s david.

dat face.

just

just

anyway baroque was a really different kind of art like it was really elaborate and pretty and stuff

well not pretty necessarily, but it was just. yeah. and kinda over the top. yep.

so also you guys remember the catholics

WELL NOBODY READ LATIN SO THEY COULDN’T READ THE BIBLE. SO THE CATHOLICS JUST PAINTED IT. PAINTED. LIKE. THE BIBLE. which worked apparently ok

anyway baroque was so popular it’s just kind of gained a new meaning as a word like anything really big and extravagant is called baroque now

SO ANYWAY. REMBRANDT. He was in the Netherlands, which was kinda into the whole religious freedom thing. But the area he was in was mostly Protestant. So the art there was a little different since it wasn’t being totally pushed by the Catholic Church.

which makes sense. so e wasn’t really following that style totally since he didn’t have to???

ANYWAY. REMBRANDT WAS THE MOST FAMOUS ARTIST THAT DIDN’T ROLL WITH THE BAROQUE STUFF

basically he was a hipster

but we’ll get to that later

ANYWAY. HE LIKED TO PAINT REALISTIC PORTRAITS. AND DRAWINGS. AND SHTUFF.

yep

SO HE MOVED TO AMSTERDAM. THEN HE MOVED BACK TO LEIDEN. HIS HOME. and he was kinda his own boss yep

anyway he used a lot of light stuff. light up front and like black in the back. he was pretty cool. people liked him sorta.

THEN HE MOVED BACK TO AMSTERDAM.

people liked paintings there. he was doing pretty well.

also doctors

they liked to be painted

while they dissected people

like this

YOU SEE LOOK TA-DA THIS IS A REALLY FAMOUS ONE HERE CALLED THE ANATOMY LESSON OF DOCTOR NICOLAES TULP.

yep

so this picture everyone really liked it like everyone i dont even know

ANYWAY HE WAS ANNOYED WITH PEOPLE SOMETIMES

because there were lots of rich people who liked to be painted ALL STUCK UP LOOKING but remmy didn’t really like that

AND THEN HE GOT TO PAINT SOME BIBLE STUFF

YAY?

so anyway he met this chick

her name was saskia

well call her sass because i can

AND THEY FELL IN LOVE~

so then they were gon get married

yay

AND THEN THEY DID.

And after they got married he just painted her all the time

and also their baby

and everything

and people were like “uh this isnt baroque bro”

well apparently he just didn’t care cause he went on painting her

AND HE WAS RICH ALSO. MAYBE THAT IS WHY HE DIDN’T CARE.

because this is getting too happy, let’s talk about how his three kids died

so he had three kids

and they died

this affected him but i dont really know why huh

and then he moved out of his house! To a different part of town!

AND HE WAS SURROUNDED BY JEWS.

k.

anyway he was p cool and wasn’t like “ew jews” but more like “TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF”

anyway guess what

he painted them

because they lived next to him

sigh

REMMY CAN YOU NOT GET ANYONE ELSE BESIDES YOUR CLOSE FRIENDS AND FAMILY

also by the way

his wife died :D

so basically he was really really sad all the time and nobody liked to hang around him

anyway so he got commissioned to do this really big painting

and it was pretty baroque but remmy was still like “no i’m not into baroque i promise”

AND THEN HE FELL IN LOVE WITH THIS OTHER CHICK NAMED...

hendrickje?

we’ll name her hen

i like that name

SO SHE WAS HIS MAID.

oh.

also she was a ginger

BUT! REMMY WAS GETTING POOR.

because he couldn’t money.

SO HE GOT IN DEBT

remmy no that’s not how you money right

K

HE STARTED BORROWING MONEY FROM FRIENDS WHICH HE NEVER REPAID

STUPID STUPID DUMB STUPID

anyway remmy painted his kids a lot too

and then his other wife died

whoops

he never really got over it

then his son died

DUDE

poor guy

people kinda forgot about him

he painted 600 paintings, 300 etchings, and 1,400 drawings.

wow.

and then nobody really came to his funeral.

welp

the

the

the end.

oh.

It Also Has Rats. And Tourists.

So yew guiz know the Renaissance. The center of said Renaissance was Venice. They had a big trade buzznuzz goin on because everyone was going back and forth between everywhere and Venice.

Venice is that one Italian city with all the rivers. It didn’t get attacked by bad peeplz, except for that one time with that guy. It’s over there in the north, and it’s like right up in the Adriatic Sea, otherwise known as the duck’s wing. The thin one, not the big black one. And Venice is also best buddies YUGOSLAVIA, which is just fun to say. Because they live right next door to each other.

So the peeps buildin Venice got kinda carried away with their gimmick. They started using the sea a little too much, and soon all the roads were replaced with water! Well, not really, but you know. There was a lot of water. There was a big giant grand canal, and they used EVERY EXCUSE THEY COULD THINK OF to prettify the thing. Every single thing in the city was made all pretty and fancy and awesome. However, they had to import food. Because it’s hard to grow food in the water. But that was ok, because that means they got to sell their leather is stone and pretties. Now I don’t know how they got that leather, because if it’s hard to grow food then I don’t know WHERE they got those cows. Unless it was like rat lather or somethin, but that’s nasty and I don’t want to elaborate on that.

Venice was sitting right between the east and west, and when our buddy MARCO! (you can say it. You know you want to.) went to China, he did some shameless self advertising with the Chinese and everyone he met along the way. Because, you know, sea monsters and fish and shtuff are suckers for some good trade cities. MARCO! also brought back some silk and spices and nice things like that.

So it was also a big city for art. The artists focused on color and light, probably because they were surrounded by color and light.

VENICE ALSO HAD A BIG PAINTER WHICH I’VE NEVER HEARD OF. He was named Tiziano Vecelli da Cadore. But he went by Titian. Like fo rulz this time he really did go by Titian. Because Tiziano Vecelli da Cadore was cumbersome. BUT~! He was an art student, and he only had one other guy in the art class with him. And he was better than Titian. But that guy “died of the plague.” Then the guy’s teacher died six years later, which kinda left the door to be a master artist wide open. He soon surpassed his teacher, because it’s kinda hard to paint well when you’re dead.

So Titian was just a great painter. I mean, he wasn’t all HURPDURP BEST ARTIST EVAR. HURPDURP MY ART SHOWS STORIES. HURPDURP I AM A SOCIAL BUTTERFLAHH. None of that. But still, that doesn’t mean he wasn’t a good painter. He broke a few rules of painting. He moved what would be in the center, to the SIDE.

Venice was shocked. HOW COULD HE DO THAT. HOW COULD HE MOVE PEOPLE OUT OF THE WAY.

So Titian‘s strong point was portraits. And he painted a LOT of people. A lot of women. One of his most famous is called La Bella. However, to be different than Leonardo, he gave her eyebrows. And no landscape. And Charles V, THE HOLY ROMAN EMPEROR wanted Charles to be the court painter. Which was really good, because Titian’s wife had died, and it was a nice change of scenery. Charles kept him busy with painting shtuff. Mostly of himself. In all different ways. Charles with his dog, Charles on his horse, Charles with his wife, Charles on his throne, Charles Charles Charles. Titian was also sent along to Mr. P-to-da-ope, so he went along to Rome. He met Michelangelo, who, oddly, got along with Titian. He was greatly influenced, and soon started painting muscular floating mostly naked people. However, like all people, Titian died.

Venice gained, through Titian, more popularity. It continued to flourish as a trade city, however, eventually things died down and it turned into just a typical Renaissance city.

~Raphael~

You know those cool people that only have first names? Beyonce, Shakira, Eminem, Madonna, Sting, Zendaya, Fabio.
All of those?
Cool people.
Well, except for Eminem, but you know.
Or Fabio...
Or Zendaya...
SO ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS ANOTHER RENAISSANCIAN ARTIST. NEVER SAW THAT COMIN, DID YA?
Ok.
But.
His name was....
~Raphael.~
So, to our surprise, ~Raphael~ was not born in Florence!
Oooh.
A mysterious hipster artist with one name.
The name....
~Raphael.~
BUT.
He was born in Urbino.
He’s in Ur bino, artsin ur Rennai$$anz.
BUT.
Then his papa died. So he went to Florence.
YAYY.
So a lot of people confused his work with that of his master’s. He was that good.
SO HE WENT TO LEARN FROM THE MASTER OF THE MASTERS.
Michelangelo and Leonardo.
From Leo he learned gracefulness from Leonardo. And from Michelangelo, he learned.... Anatomy.
...
..
.
BUT.
He gained a nickname. ~The Divine Raphael.~
Unlike Mich and Leo, he finished his work in a decent amount of time.
In fact, he’s really famous.
You just don’t know it.
So he painted a big picture. A really big picture. Two little angelbabies are on the bottom of the really big picture. AND THE LITTLE ANGELBABIES ARE EVERYWHERE.
Cards. Pillows. Blankets. Mugs. The Internet. Shirts. ALL OVER.
These little angelbabies.

You’ve seen them before.
These little angelbabies.
BUT HE HAS MORE THAN LITTLE ANGELBABIES.
He has a picture of Mary.
And it was painted beautifully.
BUT THERE WAS A SCANDAL.
Apparently, ~Raphael~ had lots of girfrands.
Lots of girlfrands.
He claimed they were all his inspiration.
UNFORTUNALY, HIS LOVE OF WOMEN WOULD BE...
HIS DOWNFALL.
(bumbumbum)
But that’s for later.
Eventually, ~Raphael’s~ genius was recognized by Mr. P-to-da-ope Julius. The second.
And he was the Mr. P-to-da-ope-to-da-jerkface. The one that made Mich paint the Sistine Chapel.
Yeah.
That guy.
So he needed some of the best Artists and stuff for some project he was gettin’ on.
And ~Raphael~ was one of them.
He was hired to paint Mr. P-to-da-ope’s private chambers.
*giggle*
*gigglegiggle*
So he went to Rome to paint up that place. Which included his Library, the room where he signed shtuuuuf, and I guess also his bedroom.
So in his Library is where ~Raphael~ got really really famous.
On one wall, there was a shelf with books on Philosophy. On ther other was a shelf with Theology. So on wall Theology, ~Raphael~ painted a scene called “The Dispute of the Sacrament.” It was pretty much the Bible shoved into a picture. It also had a bunch of people like Rola, Jerome, Augustine, Aquinias, etc. etc. fighting and arguing while Jesus is up here with his jazz hands.

You see?
Jazz hands.
And there are move angelbabies up on the ceiling.
BUT.
It has the background and stuff that Leo had, and all the buzznuzz and weird stuff Mich had.
SO THE OTHER WALL PROVED TO BE HIS BEST.
The Philosophy wall.
The wall of Philosophy.
THE PHILOWALL.
THE WALLSOPHY.
THE PHILOWALLSOPHY.
And it was called “School of Athens”
SO Y?
Before ~Raphael~ moved to Rome from Florence, he went to a little church this one time called the Sistine Chapel. Now the ceiling was not finished, but thurr was some preachin goin onz anywayz. So the preacher preachin preached about Mr. P-to-da-ope Julius about him bringing some good learnin to Rome.
And although Julius was a Pope, he was a lot like Cosimo. An’ he likah tha Greeka an’ the Roma an’ alla tha shtuff.
So that’s why he put “School of Athens”. It has a bunch of cool peeps liek Plato, Aristotle, Some of Socrate’s students, Socrates, Pythagoras, Ptolemy, Euclid, Heraclitus (who was a grumpy old philosopher. Michelangelo was the model. Because he was a grumpy old artist.), and a tonz maor people.
So yuh.
~Raphael~ Pretty much got along with everyone.
Well, except for Michelangelo, but nobody liked him and he didn’t like anyone.
BUT.
~Raphael~ had a possy. A big possy.
A BIG POSSY.
LIKE, 50 POSSY.
So ~Raphael~ pretty much went everywhurr with the band of peeps he wuz wiff.
He even got along with Mr. P-to-da-ope-to-da-jerkface Julius.
He even painted him a picture~!
As in, the most realistic picture of a Mr. P-to-da-ope evarr.
HOWEVER, ~Raphael~ HAD...
SECRETS.
Once upon a time there was a Cardinal. Said cardinal preuttty much forced ~Raphael~ to get engaged with his niece. So ~Raphael~ agreed to it, but he kept putting off the marriage.
SO WHAI?
I dunno.
Maybe he was engaged to the baker’s daughter. Maybe he didn’t want to be tied down. Maybe he just didn’t want to get married.
BUT I DUNNO.
But the real mystery lies in one of ~Raphael’s~ picthurrz.
You see, he painted a.... special picture of the baker’s daughter.
So hundreds of years after this /special painting/ was painted, some x-rays were performed.
AND VAT DID ZEY FIND?
On the hand of whats-her-face, a big ruby ring was found.
BUMBUMBUMM.
Was this an engagement ring? A wedding ring? Or what?
Well it certuhnlee wasn’t a wedding ring.
WHY?
Because he died young.
IF I DIE YOUNG, BURY ME IN SATIN, LAY ME DOOOWN ON AAAH, BED OF ROOOSES~
oksorry. I’ve been like addicted to that song :x
BUT.
So he died at 37.
On his death bed, you know what he did?
He wrote his will, he repented of his sins, distributed all his wealth and shtuff, and died.
The end~ :D

It's Like a Double Hipster Thing.

So far, we’ve really only looked at Italian artist. But Italy is not the only Arty Hipster country.
Instead of looking at their personal lives and NITTY GRITTY DEETS, we’re just gonna look at some art.
Because you’ll probably never hear about their personal lives.
So let’s start with Jan van Eyke. He lived in Flanders, which is part of modern day Balgium, France, and the Nether-

...
No.
The Netherlands.
So Van (He goes by his middle name.) put lots and lots of details in his paintings. Like, a lot.
There’s a doggy on the floor. Tehre’s a mirror in the back WITH A REFLECTION IN IT OF THE COUPLES BACK, There’s the slippers on the floor, and it’s pretty much perfect. There’s the perfect features, which, to me, are really creepy. I hate perfect paintings. In fact, I think guy over here looks kinda like that hing from Courage the Cowardly Dog.
Look.

Ok. See the guy’s face?
Ok.
Now. I'm not gonna put a picture because it will haunt your dreams forever, but if you really want to just google "You're not perfect."
Yep. This little guy whispers ad nauseam "You're not perfect." Which is only slightly creepy taken out of context. Er, no, it's till creepy in context. It's from Courage the Cowardly Dog, so that's kinda the point.

OK.
SO.
THERE’S ANOTHER GUY.
His name was Jerome Bosch.
BUT HIS NAME REALLY WAS HIERONYMUS BECAUSE HE'S HIPSTER LIKE THAT.
And he went by Hieronymus. And he put in a lot of details, but his weren’t all PERFECTTT, they were just.... weird. He had three frames: Heaven, Earth, and Hell. It was weird. I’m not gonna put it, because it had, well, you know how the Renaissance guys were. But Heaven and Earth were all nice looking, but Hell... Well, it wasn’t. It had Ear monsters and it had fire and it had a big bird rat thing that was eating people and it had a volcano. It didn’t look very nice.

...Let’s move on.
This guy’s name was Albrecht Dürer. He just went by ü. Lower case.
He was from Germany, where art wasn’t really appreciated. So he went to Italy to study perspective and Anatomy.
One of his most famous painting is a pair of hands. That are praying. It’s called the Praying Hands.
They just look like praying hands.
ü was also an engraver. He has some really complex ones, and then you have, you know, grass and a rabbit.
Still, though, he is considered the greatest German artist to ever live.

There is another guy named Pieter Bruegel. I bet you’ve never heard that spelling of Pieter, have you? No. Of course not.
Anyways, he painted the Tower of Babel. It’s the Tower of Babel.
He also painted ordinary life. He liked to paint realistic paintings from winter. Not Like Van, but still.
So.
Uhm.
That was easily the worst ending ever.

Sad Panda

Look at your ceiling. Look at your computer screen. Look at your ceiling. Now back to your screen. Sadly, your ceiling is not as fancy as your computer screen.
BUT MR. P-TO-DA-OPE JULIUS THE THIRD’S?
His ceiling was nifty.
Why?
Because he hired Michelangelo to paint THE MOST MAGNIFICENT CEILING IN THE WOOORLD for the Sistine Chapel in Rome.
But the Mutant Ninja Turtle didn’t like painting, so he hired someone else. He hired Another Michelangelo.
Who also hated painting.
So Mich was pretty much born in the right place at the right time to become a great anything. Meaning, Florence around 1500. He was an apprentice to a guy who was a painter and a sculptor. And then He moved to Another guy, and it happened to be a part of the Medici gardens. He had access to some of the most beautiful artwork on the block (block being, you know, the world.), mostly sculptures. HE was invited to live in his master’s home, and he was provided with a room and a nice salary. They dines with a bunch of people, including the royal family.
BUT!
In this time, his nose was shaped.
Yes.
His nose.
He pretty much got hurt really hard in a game of slugbuggy.
Which screwed his nose way up.
So Mich had a lot of self pity, and he was all sad panda.
AND THEN HE BECAME A ROCKSTAR.
Because his two greatest statues? They were made real early in his career. So I guess he got progressively worse after that first greatest one.
And the first greatest one? It was called the Piñata. Or the Pietà, pronounced Pee-AHHH!-tah. It’s Mary holding Jesus.
And there was another one called David.
Well that’s a little easier to say.
David was 18 feet tall, and was wearing clothes from the Emperor’s Collection. The right side of the statue was sculpted so it was firm. The other side was all relaxed and stuff. And he wasn’t all “YAY PLAYDOH.” He was putting thought and stuff in to the thing.
AND IT WAS AROUND THIS TIME That Mich was asked to GO HEAD TO HEAD, TOE TO TOE, FACE TO FACE, ETC. TO ETC. WITH LEONARDO.
But he never finished his painting so nobody won. Herpderp.
What did Mich paint? Leo painted horses. So Mich painted the obvious.
SOLDIERS BATHING.

Because, well, he... He was... He was kinda like Leo. He was.. I... Uhm.
He was fascinated with...
Well.
Take a guess.
Also, Mich was a fan of dissecting to look at muscles, torso, veins, etc. etc.
The church was not a fan of this, nor did they like the barely clothed and muscular figures in his paintings.
But unlike Leo, Mich pretty much ignored landscapes, perspective, and still life. He said that painting these things were for “Children and uneducated men.”
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME ICE FOR THAT BUUUURN?
Also, another thing he said for painting anything in general was for women.
C-C-C-COMBO BURN.
So how was it that Mich, who despised painting, went and painted the most extravagant ceiling of all time?
He was tricked. BABABAA~!
So Mr. P-to-da-ope Julius asked Mich to make him a tomb. Julius was ill-tempered, arrogant, and annoying. That narrows it down. Mich was also ill-tempered, arrogant, and annoying. Neither of them could agree on anything. Mich was sent out to the mountains to collect the perfect rocks. Then on the 8th MONTH, Julius said “FOGET THIS.” and he put the whole thing on hold. So Mich stopped on down to Rome and was like “I BEEN WORKIN’ FO EIGHT MONTHS GIVE ME MONEY.”
And you don’t really demand money from Mr. P-to-da-ope. But he refused to see him.
SO HE WENT EVERY DAY FOR THE NEXT WEEK.
And then he just got mad and went home.
It took an official letter and three angry letters FROM THE POPE to drag Mich’s behind back to Rome.
So eventually he went back to Rome, but only one statue for the tomb was made. And then it got melted down to make a cannon.
THEN JULIUS HAD AN IDEA.
“Hay. Hay. Hay. Hay Mich. Hay. Make me a ceiling kthnx?”
Mich needed money, so he did it. But he grumbled THE WHOLE WAY. And Mr. P-to-da-ope also had a lotta power, and Mich didn’t feel like getting excommunicated.
So Mich painted 10,000 square feet of ceiling. From 70 feet off the ground. For four year years. The guy pretty much lived on scaffolding. Which is like a ladder plus a bed. He only ate what was on hand, and he barely bathed or changed clothes.
FOR FOUR YEARS.
Once, Julius hit him with a stick for not doing it fast enough.
Dude.

And of course, there were 343 muscular peeps all up in thurr.
Also, you guys know this?
(That pic of God ALMOST touching Adam. That sounded wrong. But whatevz.)
Also, the whole thing?
NO LANDSCAPE.
NONE.
Because those are for sissy boys.
No pun.
And then, four months after Mich finished the painting, Julius died.
So then Mich made Julius a tomb.
4tehlulz.
At the beginning of the Tomb, Moses is over hurr all Princess Celestia (brohoof?) mode with a flowing beard.
So then Mich made frands with a widow named Victoria (don’t get all excited. They were just frands. and they visited on Sundays, and they talked, and all that stuff.
Mich was a Christian, and so he want back to the Sisten Chapel and painted a thingy called “The Last Judgement” about 15-30 years later. It was about sin and it’s consequences. It was pretty much based off of Dante’s Inferno. As in, it was really really gorey. As in, Mich painting his face in the hollow skin of Saint Bartholomew.
Yeah.
So then Victoria died, and Mich was really really sad panda mode.
But in this, he grew a lot closer to God and Christ and alla that.
He pretty much went from one extreme to the other. All dissecting and stuff to Christ and stuff like that.
So.
Uhm.
Yeah.
The end...?

The Test Shall be Given With No Mercy.

The Ninja Turtle. The Artist. The... The...
Yeah. That’s it. He’s only a Ninja Turtle and an artist.
Except for this guy:

Well, technically, they have different last names. BUT SAME DIFFERENCE.
So Leo has a pretty sad story. His mother and father weren’t married, his mother was dirt poor, his father was filthy rich, and Leo was living with his mother. However, she couldn’t really care for him, so she gave him to his father, who tossed the kid to his parents, who then tossed him to his father’s brother.
Wow.
So despite that, Leo was charming and attractive in every way.
MARY SUE MARY SUE MARY SUE SUE SUE.
I’m gonna put this guy through the litmus test. I’ll post the results in the updates box over thurr.
But wait!
Not only was he charming and attractive, but the guy was a GENIUS. In school he excelled in math and music. He was also good at drawing. (no duh.)
So His father threw him to Florence. You guys know Florennnce. Big city. Fun city. In the middle of the Renaissance. Leo became an apprentice to a Goldsmith, Painter, and Sculptor, named Andrea del Verrocchio. We’ll call him Andy.
Now remember back to medieval times! Apprentices weren’t really paid in a "HURRS UR MONEY.", but they did get paid with "HURRS YOUR EVERYTHING THAT KEEPS YOU ALIVE."
So when he was about 18, he was asked to paint one of the two angels in the baptism of Christ. The guy thought it was so beautiful, so mystifying, so perfect, that his Master said that he would never paint again.

So Leo decided to paint something very... uh... wrong. He decided to break the rules of perspective, by drawing really really big horses and stairs that lead to nowhere.
I’m not going to put it here, because it will break. Your. Mind.
He was using “variety,” he said.
He didn’t really finish a lot of things, because he would be too prefectionist to let anyone see it, or he’d get distracted and go paint something else.
Also! This guy loved notebooks. He loved seven thousand pages of them. He loved seven thousand pages of them backwards.
Yep. He took noted from left to right. Backwards. He drew his pictures the right way, but notes? Backwards.
What did he write about? Weapons, geometry, ~fabulous~ Machines, Anatomy, the movement of water, Cameras (yes) bicycles (yes), UFOs (yes), and Helicopters (yes).
Leo also had the idea of Cars, tanks, and two-tiered cities. As in, like, yoou know. A city. With two teirs.
He was also a fan of dissection. As in, getting dead bodies and looking inside and drawing said inside.
The Church frowned upon this.

...
You know what I said about that Mary Sue thing?
Yeah.
No.
No.
Nonononono.
Also, HE WAS A FASHION DESIGNER FOR SEVENTEEN YEARS.
Yeah.
He also designed carnivals and stuff while he was designing fashion for the duke of Milan.
However, he started some really really big projects. Most of which he didn’t finish. One of his more famous was a big horse. A big. bronze. Horse. He was unable to finish said horse, but he did get the clay model done. However, the big horse was destroyed when some guys came in and needed some target practice. And to them, the best thing for them was a big 22 foot tall horse.
One of his most famous works, though, was ruined by his own experiments. It began to erode before it was done. Why? Because he had experimented with paint that didn’t dry as quickly. Despite the near total lost of “The Last Supper” it’s still one of his most famous works.
So in 1499, he left the duke of Milan. He went out and he waited until Ol' Rola died to go back to Florence. I don’t think Rola and he woulda gotten along, you know?
And that is where he started the Mona Lisa.
The Mona Lisa has so much that everyone loved. The lighting, the smoky look around the edges, the mysteriousness, the lack of eyebrows the variety in the background. Most people think that Mona Lisa was a real person. Something odd is that he kept the picture for over 3 years to finish it, and he kept it for himself for who knows how long. He had to hire clowns and jesters to keep the lady smiling. What smile?

I think she looks kinda like that. But on the Mona Lisa.
So eventually, it fell in to the hands of Napoleon even though Leo kept the picture with him at all times. Even while he slept. Yes. He slept with the picture.
That's not creepy at all.
Not.
At.
All.
AND THEN HE WAS SQUARED AGAINST HIS ARCH-ENEMY:
Michael Angelo.
They were both hired to make a fresco for the city hall.
AND OGURL.
They were at it. They both worked in separate studios, trying to outdo each other.
AND THEN...
After working on the sketch for a year and a half, the humidity was so high in the air that the painting disintegrated before his eyes.
But Michael never finished his either so it was a tie and there was no fresco for anyone.

So in his last few years, Leonardo went to Rome and helped bedazzle dah Church of Saint Peter. That also had to wait until Rola died. Even in Rome, he kept making stuff. He made a robot lizard. Yes.
A Robot Lizard.
With Flapping wings powered with quicksilver.
A FLYING ROBOT LIZARD~
So then he moved to France because he was offered a life of a prince. That was a pretty nice offer, so he was hired as a painter, an engineer, an architect, and a mechanic. He settled in a little castle, and he died in said little castle at the age of 67.
So yeah.
the end.