I CAN'T TITLES ANYMORE FORGIVE ME.

so were gon talk about the jews today

and LET’S DO A QUICK OVERVIEW.

SO THE JEWISH PEOPLE THE ISRAELITES LOST THEIR LAND THIS ONE TIME. ISRAEL. THEY LOST IT. COULDN’T FIND IT.

THEN IN 70 A.D. THE ROMANS BLEW UP THE TEMPLE OR SOMETHIN LIKE THAT.

AND THEY WENT TO MASADA. THEY. BEING. THE JEWISH PEOPLE. BUT. BUT THEY DIDN’T REALLY SURVIVE BECAUSE A BUNCH OF OTHER JEWS THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO CIVIL WAR BUT THAT WAS STUPID

AND THE MIDDLE AGES SUDDENLY TURKS REMEMBER THEM AND THEN THE CRUSADES. WHEN CHRISTIANS FOUGHT MUSLIMS. THIS FAILED MISERABLY. YAY CHRISTIANS.

THEN THE JEWS STARTED DOING PRETTY WELL. OK. SOME. MOST DIDN’T. A LOT OF PEOPLE KINDA HATED THEM.

AND NOW WE’RE IN THE RENNAISANCE. RENNISANCE. RENAISSANCE. THERE.

so a lot of people were pretty mean to the jewish people. which. wasn’t nice. well duh that was really unnecessary uh.

so this one time in 1606 these portugese monks that were really nice decided it’d be a great idea to massacre a bunch of jews wait what

and then these people in italy just kinda grouped all the jews in this one place called a ghetto.

OK GUYS, YOU CAN LIVE HERE, AND WE’RE GOING TO CREATE THIS NICE AND PRETTY LITTLE PLACE FOR YOU GUYS TO LIVE OK SOUNDS GOOD.

no it was TERRIBLE.

5,000 gravestones of jews were gotten rid of in germany so they could build other stuff with them. and 800 had to leave the country. 800 people, that is. not. not 800 tombstones.

yeah.

nobody really liked these people. at. at all.

Except for the Ottomans! They were pretty nice to the Jews over there.

And in India, a ghetto was destroyed just because!

oh wait no that isn’t a good thing at all uh

and this one african place also got invaded by the spanish and they got rid of a bunch of ghettos

and ivan the terrible killed over 300 people just because they were jewish

uh

and pope paul the fourth had a bunch of ghettos and locked them all in there at night and wouldn’t let them have more than one synagogue and made them all wear the same clothes and

welp

In Mexico, 200 or so were burned at the stake. 10 people in Peru were punished for being Jewish. and in 1615, all the jews were kicked out of france. the english had been lead to believe that the jews were money counterfeiters and child murderers by a man named William Pryne. Remember him? Yep.

10 years later, the Russians murdered and tortured 34,000 people. Because they were Jewish.

OK BAD THINGS ARE OVER BEGIN READING HERE IF YOU DIDN’T READ UP THERE.

There were some places in the world were people loved the Jews! Morocco was like HEY GUYS C’MERE IT’S FINE OVER HERE.

And remember Charles V? The Holy Roman Emperor? Yeah. He was cool with them being in the Netherlands. And in Poland, the Jews were actually given a charter of freedom. And about half a million lived there by 1648.

wow.

Suleman liked Jews, too. He was like HEY GUYS YOU WANT GOVERNMENT POSITIONS I’LL GIVE THEM TO YOU. BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.

Denmark was also cool with them. There was a big giant Synagogue in Amsterdam. And in England they were welcomed back eventually. And most of the colonies in North America were like HEY GUYS WE NEED PEOPLE BECAUSE WITHOUT THEM WE’LL DIE.

The jews also worked. Really. Really hard. And they also had a big focus on family and customs and stuff. AND THEY ALSO HAD THEIR OWN LANGUAGE THAT THEY MADE. CALLED YIDDISH. WHICH YOU’RE PROBABLY AWARE OF. LIKE. YEAH. I DON’T KNOW?????

So the Jewish people were also still hopeful. Yeah. Even though they were like. Really. Really oppressed they kinda.

SO. I’LL. AWKWARDLY.

END.

END THIS.

HERE.

Sorry it Took So Long x-x

So we’re in a market place. Derp.
A lot of people were there. No duh.
AND JOAN OF ARC WAS AT THE STAKE.
And she died.
OK THEN THE END SEE Y’ALL LATER.
lolnope.
Someone decided that it was a good idea to start at the end...? Meh. Whatever.
So this all goes back to the 100 years war. Which was not really 100 years. It was between England and France and all that? Yep. It took two treaties, two royal marriages, and about 83 years of actual battle. What did they want? The crown of France. They did not only WANT the crown, they WON the crown.
And two years later, Henry V, king of Franceland, bit the dust.
MOARWAR.
So in comes Joan. She was born in France, grew up as a peasant, and was a devout Catholic. Unlike most peasant girls, Joan believed she hear voices. JUST LIKE MEEE~ Except she thought that she heard, superficially, the voices of various saints and Micheal the Archangel. What were they saying? Be good, obey your parents, pray, and all that. So her parents didn’t really mind that. But at 17, the voices told her to lead the Prince of France to take his throne and become the next king.
So the Prince was a dolphin.
Oh? Wait? What? Dauphin? What? Oh, ok.
So he wasn’t a dolphin. I was misinformed. Dauphin is what the Prince of France is called. So Charles the VII was the Dauphin, son of Charles... VI... But Charlie VII was in no position to take the throne. You see, he was kinda, you know, flat broke. The traditional location where one would crown the king was over where the English were, so it was not under France’s control. So that was out of the question.
So VII said a little prayer that he could have the power to rule the throne, the courage, blah blah blah.
So Joan cut her hair, dressed in man’s clothing, and went to the castle.
So VII is freakin’ smooth out. He said a prayer and here comes Mrs. Peasant who cut all her hair, dressed up like a man, and said she heard voices? Well, VII was a bit cautious. So he decided he’d put her through some tests, which were long and pretty cool. She passed them all. So he sent her to Church camp or whatever and was questioned for three more weeks. They sent her back and suggested to put her in charge of the French Royal Army.
LULZ
So did this at 17. She was given horses, white armour, and servants.
She did a good job with her army too. She had very strict rules concerning their morals.
She was a military genius, and she had soon completed her mission of crowning Charles VII.
Well wouldn’t it be nice if the story could end here? All nice and happy and stuffs?
Well, no.
There was a lot to do to get back the rest of France! So she kept fighting to get it back.
So England was. Fed. Up.
THEY WERE LOOSING TO A TEENAGER!
A TEENAGE GIRL!
A TEENAGE PEASANTGIRL!
So England decided that they had to get rid of Joan.
So she was moving on, and she got ambushed by some soldiers that had collaborated with the French. So she was kept in a prison in France. She tried escaping, three attempts were made at BREAKIN’ HER OUT, but still, the girl had to hang in prison.
So the French Soldiers sold her to the English for about 3,000 modern English dollaz.
SO SOMEHOW, IN ALL OF THIS, SHE WAS CALLED A HERETIC.
She was a DEVOUT Catholic! What!
WHAT!
So I figured the conversation went kinda like this:
Dood1: “Dude, we need to kill this girl.”
Dood2: “Yeah.”
Dood1: “Wanna call her a heretic?”
Dood3: “BUT GUYZ SHE 1SNT A HERET1C TROLOLOLO”
Dood1&2: “...BUT IT’S THE ONLY WAY WE CAN GET RID OF HER.”
So they just did a casual handwave and said “HERETIC.”
So they burned her at the stake.
Yeeeah...
So they shaved her, made her wear a dunce hat, and a dress.
D:
So then the French drove the English out of all their land and the French won the 100 years war.
AND THEN 24 YEARS LATER, SHE WAS DEEMED INNOCENT.
BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!
IN 1920 (Yes. Nine. Teen. Twenty.) THE CHURCH DECIDED TO MAKE HER A SAINT.
WHAT.
IN.
THE.
WORLD.
asdf.
WELL THAT WAS A HORRIBLE ENDING.