PERSECUTION AND OPPRESSION IS SCOTLAND FUN TIMES

K SO LET’S TALK ABOUT SOME PEOPLE DYING

sounds like fun right

WRONG IT ISN’T FUN. BECAUSE OPPRESSION. IN SCOTLAND.

k but first let’s rewind a bit

ENGLISH CIVIL WAR. THE PEOPLE WERE DIVIDED BETWEEN ROUNDHEADS AND CAVALIERS. CAVALIERS LIKED THE KING, ROUNDHEADS LIKED THE PARLIAMENT.

so pretty much the roundheads won and charlie was killed and olive was kinda a king sorta protector guy

AND CHARLIE’S SON WAS ALSO NAMED CHARLIE

and he’s who we’re talkin’ about :D

NOW SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THE RIGHTFUL KING OF ENGLAND AND SCOTLAND WAS CHARLES II.

because england and scotland were both ruled by the same king because reasons

HOWEVER NOBODY REALLY WANTED HIM TO BE KING SINCE HE WAS KINDA AN ENEMY TO THE ROUNDHEADS

so charlie v 2.0 was kinda in hiding right now since a lot of people wanted to kill him

AND HE SPENT A LOT OF TIME WITH REGULAR PEOPLE

like he was pretty much a servant for people sometimes

AFTER ABOUT 40 DAYS HE WENT TO FRANCE AND FOUND HIS MOM

and they went into hiding together welp

AND LOUIS XIV WAS KING AT THE TIME

i bet you remember him don’tcha

SO HE LIKED THIS GUY A LOT SO HE GAVE HIM SOME MONEY AND CLOTHES AND STUFF

and then charlie went to brussles for a while!

THEN OLIVE DIED AND HIS SON KINDA TRIED TO TAKE OVER BUT HE STUNK AT IT

so charlie was like “hey uh can i just”

BECAUSE THE LORD PROTECTOR GUY THINGY POSITION WAS NOW HIRING

so after like forever of arguing over kings and having wars about kings and yes kings no kings /no kings/

PARLIAMENT ACTUALLY CAME UP TO CHARLIE LIKE “HEY I JUST MET YOU AND THIS IS CRAZY BUT THE THRONE IS EMPTY BE OUR KING MAYBE”

yes i came up with that myself it was hard be proud

SO A BUNCH OF PEOPLE WERE TOTALLY OK WITH THIS.

i’m serious a lot of people really liked this

THIS WAS CALLED THE ENGLISH RESTORATION

because england was being restored

AND THE ENGLISH WERE NOW LIKE TOTALLY COOL WITH AN ABSOLUTE MONARCH

ok let’s fight and kill people and ruin our country for a while and then we’ll get our way /and totally change our minds after that./

NOW CHARLIE WAS KINDA SIMILAR TO LOUIS OVER HERE WITH HIS PRETTY WIGS AND CLOTHES AND PALACES AND STUFF

but he was different from him because he was familiar with regular people

AND EVERYONE REALLY LIKED HIM. THE PARLIAMENT AND THE POOR PEOPLE AND THE RICH PEOPLE AND EVERYONE WAS PRETTY COOL WITH HIM BECAUSE HE WAS COOL WITH THEM.

now hang on just a minute

I STARTED THIS WITH TALKING ABOUT DYING AND WE’RE ALL LIKE WHOOP YAY KINGS WHAT IS THIS

well you see even though he was cool with a lot of people there was this one group who he dumb dumb stupid dumb

HE WAS PRETTY TOLERANT OF EVERYONE /EXCEPT THE SCOTTISH PRESBYTERIANS./

charlie

wat r u doin

charlie

stahp

BECAUSE THEY HAD KINDA HELPED KILL HIS DAD SO HE DECIDED REVENGE WAS A-OK.

and this guy thought he was the head of their church???

EVEN THOUGH THE OFFICIAL HEAD OF CHURCH WAS ACTUALLY GOD SO UH.

and then this guy decided he’d take over as head of the church of scotland

AND MADE IT ILLEGAL TO HAVE A COVENANT THAT STATED OTHERWISE.

uh

THAT MEANS HE KIDNA SAID “HI PRESBYTERIANS YOU DON’T REALLY EXIST ANYMORE KTHNX”

charlie no this isn’t

HE WASN’T EVEN INTO RELIGION OR ANYTHING TO BEGIN WITH

so now he decided he wanted more power so

SO HE STARTED PERSECUTING THESE GUYS

and they were about as willing to die for their cause as charlie was to kill for his

THAT’S A GREAT MIXTURE RIGHT

now these people were pretty smart though

YOU SEE, THEY WERE JUST NOT ALLOWED TO MEET IN CHURCHES. SO THEY JUST DID THEIR STUFF OUTSIDE.

it took a while for people to catch on

BUT WHEN THE POLICE /DID/ CATCH ON, AND THEY DECIDED IT WAS A NICE IDEA TO KILL ANYONE WHO DID THIS.

nice

SO EVERYONE JUST WENT AND GATHERED LIKE IN THE FOREST AND HILLS AND AWAY FROM EVERYTHING WHERE NOBODY WOULD FIND OUT

and then yeah a lot of persecution

AND THEN THINGS GOT WORSE.

the next king, james IV, just kinda decided that he wanted to get rid of all presbyterians

HE WAS PRETTY HORRIBLE

a few months when he ruled were actually known as the “killing times.”

GUESS WHAT THAT MEANS.

pretty much what you think it means

A BUNCH OF PEOPLE WERE KILLED.

however, a lot of pretty cool stories came from then which i heard this guy named google can tell you if you ask

and

the

post

ends

awkward and abruptly

ANOTHER SCIENCE GUY BUT ALSO SPIRITUAL GUY YAY

OK SO THIS FRENCH GUY

his name was pascal

BLAISE PASCAL

he was homeschooled but not by his mom but by his dad

ANY HOMESCHOOL DADS? MM?

anyway so his dad was kinda derp and made him master language before he did math or pretty much anything else

HE WAS KINDA WEIRD LIKE THAT, BUT HEY.

but anyway blaise was like

PFFT FORGET THAT I’MMA DO ME SOME GEOMETRY

and he did him some geometry

BUT HIS DAD DID NOT LIKE THIS

even though blaise figured out some cool stuff daddy was actually pretty cool with it???

HE WAS GIVEN A GEOMETRY BOOK BY EUCLID

euclid hahahah ok uhm sorry nobody knows what im talking about /because if you did you would have said something about robert boyle/ uh

SO BLAISE WROTE AN ESSAY ON SOME COMPLICATED MATHY STUFF

which is basically all of math but whatever

AND IT GOT DISCOVERED BY A GUY YOU KNOW NAMED RENE DESCARTES

he did not believe that little 16 year old blaise wrote it

BUT LITTLE 16 YEAR OLD BLAISE /DID/ WRITE IT.

and it was about something that is now known as pascal’s theorem

AND PASCAL’S THEOREM IS REALLY REALLY COOL GUYS

i mean if you’re a math geek which i am not i’m sorry

BUT IF YOU ARE A MATH GEEK, YOU SHOULD CHECK IT OUT BECAUSE WIKIPEDIA CAN EXPLAIN IT BETTER THAN I AND I CAN'T JUST COPY AND PASTE A PARAGRAPH OK IT'S COMPLICATED I THINK.

anyway then blaise (blaise just sounds cooler than pascal k) went and did something important

HE INVENTED THE SIMPLE CALCULATOR

yep it was all steampunky and everything

NOBODY REALLY LIKED IT BECAUSE THEY WERE AFRAID OF THE IMPENDING ROBOT TAKEOVER IT MAKING PEOPLE LAZY

but he was on to something big ok but it just took some time to catch on

BUT ONE THING PEOPLE LIKED WAS HOW MUCH HE UNDERSTOOD PRESSURE

im going to guess that math geeks also find this stuff cool but like i said /i am not a math geek i cant numbers/

LIQUIDS IN A CONFINED VESSEL CARRY PRESSURE IN ALL DIRECTIONS AT THE SAME RATE

lolidk

THIS MADE PUMPS AND ELEVATORS AND COMPRESSORS A LOT BETTER BECAUSE REASONS

and he even had a unit of measurement named after him

HIS OWN LITTLE MEASUREMENT WAS CALLED A PASCAL

but one this he was confused about was how a barometer worked

SO HE TOOK HIS BROTHER AND TOOK A BAROMETER AND PUT THEM AT THE BOTTOM OF A MOUNTAIN. THEN HE PUT HIM ON TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN.

yep

HE FIGURED OUT THAT AIR PRESSURE DECREASES WITH AN INCREASE IN ALTITUDE

but the problem was he was lonely

AND HE DID STUFF THAT PEOPLE DO TO NOT BE LONELY

meaning he joined the rich and famous people!

HE WAS A REALLY GOOD GAMBLER THOUGH BECAUSE HE KNEW HOW TO MATH

so he was pretty rich

LIKE HE WAS A CARD COUNTER IF YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS

and he developed a theory of probability

THE THEORY OF PROBABILITY IS REALLY BIG OK OK.

and he also invented the wristwatch

INVENTING THE WRISTWATCH WAS NOT REALLY THAT BIG OF AN ACCOMPLISHMENT BECAUSE ALL HE DID WAS TIE HIS POCKET WATCH TO HIS WRIST WITH A PIECE OF STRING

lets give this man an award

THEN HE HAD A NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE!

his horse drawn carriage fell off a bridge

WHILE HE WAS RECOVERING, HE READ THE ENTIRE GOSPEL OF JOHN.

and then he pretty much converted

HE WROTE DOWN HIS TESTIMONY AND SEWED IT INTO HIS COAT LINING SO THAT HE COULD KEEP IT CLOSE TO HIS HEART

awh ouo

HE SHIFTED HIS FOCUS FROM MATH AND SCIENCE TO SPIRITUAL SHTUFF

then he joined a convent?????

YES A CONVENT LIKE FOR NUNS????

it was not a traditional convent as you can guess

THIS CONVENT WAS FULL OF JANSENITES

now who the heck were these people

THE JANSENITES WERE ROMAN CATHOLICS WHO BELIEVED IN GRACE AND PREDESTINATION

they were like the puritans of the catholics kinda

THEY WERE PRETTY MUCH SHUNNED MOST OF THE TIME

however they still continued on with stuff

THEN HE WROTE SOME STUFF CALLED THE PROVINCIAL LETTERS

these were wildly popular in france and are considered some of the best french prose ever written

ANYWAY SO HE HAD A BOOK PUBLISHED CALLED PENSEES

that is the french word for thoughts

THE BOOK WAS ABOUT HIS THOUGHTS

wow shocker

HE DIED EVENTUALLY, PROBABLY FROM STOMACH CANCER.

well

THE END.